Twilght: Edward's Story
by mrs.cullen22
Summary: Twilight from Edward's POV. Now revised and complete! BxE goodness of course :
1. Chapter 1

Biology was only interesting the first six times around. I wasn't sure if I could endure another year of it, another year of stifling high school.

There wasn't much change this year from last, except for the new arrival of course. Police chief Swan's daughter had moved to Forks. Bella, not Isabella (as she had already corrected everyone that introduced themselves) Swan was the newest distraction.

My first sight of her in person was at lunch, although by that point I had already endured the extreme displeasure of seeing and hearing about her in the minds of every male in the student population. Human boys were so predictable, so crude in their fantasies.

I had glanced over to her from across the lunchroom. I'd caught her looking at me. At first, I assumed she was attracted to the "single Cullen." It wasn't that I was full of myself; it was just that my features, my look-it enticed humans. Most of the females at the school, students _and_ staff, had made their attraction vividly clear. I had lost count of how many uncomfortable moments I'd endured caused by both their thoughts and words.

At first I assumed she was sure to be just like the rest of them, but quickly realized there was one big difference.

I couldn't hear her thoughts-at all. It was quite unnerving and beyond frustrating. I was so used to having that advantage. Why her? What had caused such an anomaly? Most likely, I would never get the chance to find out…

My thoughts were cut short as the bell rang.

Sighing softly, I came back to the present moment. Mr. Banner was walking in. Behind him was Bella Swan. The only open seat in the room was next to me. Ok, so maybe I would get the chance to get in her head at some point this year, even if I did have to stoop to verbal communication. Just the thought made me feel so _regular_.

I watched as she handed Mr. Banner some papers. As she did so, her body shifted and moved under the vent in the ceiling. The warm air rushed over her form and right into me. Her scent exploded around me, engulfing me.

In that moment I felt like the air had been knocked from lungs; the force of her scent devastated me. In that moment I was transformed; my carefully formed façade broke away, and when only moments ago I had felt so regular, I was now unrecognizable.

I was a _predator._

I felt my eyes dilate, becoming orbs of hard black slate. No one else was in that room anymore; my eyes were transfixed on only her, boring into the exposed flesh of her neck. My thought process stilled, fixated only on one thing: the smell of her blood. Its bouquet pierced my throat with thirst, more intense then I'd ever felt. Swallowing barbed-wire would have been more comfortable than what I was experiencing now.

I rejoiced at the grave misfortune of Bella Swan as she slowly headed to the empty seat next to me. She raised her eyes to me for but a moment and caught my unearthly, demonic glare and quickly lowered her eyes, stumbling to the chair.

I sensed her fear, then embarrassment. I didn't care; it was as if she was offering herself up to me, a lamb to the slaughter. And I couldn't have been happier; lost in the haze of bloodlust that I was. I was so vividly aware of her. I heard her pulse quicken, the blood pounding in her veins. I heard her breath cut short. I saw the pale skin of her cheeks turn deep and warm as her hot blood pooled beneath them. It was too much, I couldn't resist her anymore. Inside me, the monster's instincts were screaming to be let loose, to accomplish its only want, its only need: drink her sweet blood.

_Drain her!_

Something inside me; a small, nearly non-existent part of me paused.

_Not here, not now…_

I grabbed the edge of the table with my hands, my tendons straining under my white skin. She sat next to me, letting her hair fall between us. Again her scent hit me, I stifled a groan. My throat, my body, ached with want. This thirst was going to betray me and my family.

I didn't even care.

I closed my eyes and saw it all. I would have her, but I could wait. This gift was too precious, too rare. I wanted to take my time with her, no need to rush. My mind envisioned her body, so breakable and warm, as I held her tightly against me. I saw myself gently placing her hair aside, exposing her neck. My hand would cover her trembling, soft lips as she let out a muffled cry. Maybe she would beg for me to stop, or try to fight me. I smirked; that would only make it more enjoyable, fear _heightened_ everything. And when I bit into her tender skin, I would let her sweet, intoxicating pulse fill my mouth and run down my throat, extinguishing the fire that burned there. What I wouldn't give to have it last forever.

As I sat, fantasizing about what she tasted like, a tiny flicker of guilt lit inside me.

Angrily, I blew it out, instead focusing on her and her mouthwatering scent, while Mr. Banner droned on…

_Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I don't own Twilight. Edward on the other hand...ahhh...hey a girl can dream right? _


	2. Chapter 2

One hour never felt so long.

Even for me, with whom time had no hold, this one hour would be my undoing. I sat rigid in my seat, not breathing as I contemplated my decision. Yes, I _would _take her. Even though it was evil, she would taste so amazing…I couldn't waste that! I knew where Chief Swan lived. Finding her would be so easy, and when no one was around…

_No! It's wrong!_

Again that flicker of clarity, of guilt, was screaming in protest. Logic was barely reining me in.

It would destroy Carlisle; it would uproot my entire family, my life…

But I _wanted_ her, in all of my decades roaming this earth; I had never fallen under the spell of such glorious temptation. There were times I thought so, but they were mere shadows of the desire I felt now to drink from this human.

Bella Swan did not move much during this hour. I could sense her shyness towards me, now that I had scared her with my reaction. For a moment, I felt heavy remorse fill me, from which quickly I recovered. She _needed _to be afraid; she had to stay away from me. She didn't even know that right at that second I was deciding her fate; my thoughts vacillating back and forth. Not much different from a human choosing whether to have dessert or be good and skip it.

My own illustration put it into perspective for me. It was most certainly _not_ like that at all; this was a human life I was considering snuffing out. The thought sobered me for a few minutes and it was long enough to keep me sane until the bell rang. And when it did, somehow I was up and out of the class in less time it took for Bella's heart to beat twice. I was already amazingly hyper-aware of that damnable organ pumping divine blood all over her body. I shivered at the thought of it. I had to get away from her. I had to be able to avoid her at all costs.

With as human a pace as I could, I ran to the main office. My plan was already formed by the time I walked into the warm room. Ms. Cope looked up from the counter, smiling at me. Her thoughts came at me loud and clear.

_My lord! He is absolutely beautiful. It is not fair he is so young. Damn…_

I knew this would be easy, she was always thinking lusty thoughts about me, as illegal as she knew (or thought she knew) they were. I leaned in towards her, my face very soft, my eyes lingering on hers.

"Hello Ms. Cope, do you have a moment?" My tried to make my voice silky smooth, anything to persuade her.

Her breath caught for a second. _Oh...I wish he would whisper in my ear like that, something dirty… god, he is way too sexy for his own good. Ugh! Cheryl, get a hold of yourself, he's 17 for Christ's sake!_

"Yes, , what can I do for you?" She asked professionally, but her thoughts betrayed her...again. _Just ask and you shall receive Edward. Ah! Stop..Stop! _

I was quickly tiring of the inner monologue. "Well, I must my switch my Biology hour with a different time, any other time," I tried to hide the desperation in my request.

Ms. Cope rummaged around, coming up with a stack of papers stapled together. She flipped through a few, searching for me. She frowned. I was so absorbed in getting her to help me, I completely lost track of my surroundings, until a still breeze from the door wafted to the desk.

_The _scent.

_Her_ scent.

Once again, it filled my nose and my mouth. My body felt like concrete, set in stone against the counter. I turned towards _her, _my black eyes viciously boring into her face. Bella froze against the back wall of the small office, a crinkled paper in her hands, her eyes wide. I was only vaguely aware of the bad news from the human at the desk. All the other classes were full. Not a chance. Struggling with the discomfort of my closed lungs, I slowly turned back to Mrs. Cope.

"Never mind then…thanks so much." I couldn't help the angry edge to my voice I rushed out of the hellishly potent room.

I kept walking, not looking back, cursing to myself. I didn't stop until I was at the Volvo and then I was off. I drove much too fast to Forks Community Hospital. I went straight to Carlisle's office without any interruptions; the women at the front desk knew me. And from their fleeting thoughts as I passed, they wish they could know me better, _much _better.

No they didn't.

I was a monster, barely contained at this point. I repulsed myself.

Carlisle was still doing rounds, so I had him paged. I paced anxiously in his office, turning when I heard him finally enter. He saw my expression and his eyebrows raised slightly in worry.

_Edward is everyone ok? Is it Jasper? __What happened_?

I laughed bitterly. "No, it's me. And I need to borrow your car." I didn't' have time for explanations. I was about to take off running towards the Swan house at any second.

"Sure son," he spoke aloud now, "what's wrong?"

I knew Carlisle would understand, but I was ashamed. And I had to tell him something, it wouldn't be fair to dodge the truth.

"I need to get away for a while, clear my head. There is a human at school; the temptation is…" I searched for the right words "it's _impossible_. I can't do it Carlisle! I don't think I can stand it! I thought I was stronger. Please don't argue, the last thing I want to do is ruin what you've built here." I pleaded with him. I felt so powerless, so weak. The guilt crushed me.

Carlisle's eyes widened for a moment, I understood why he was shocked. In my eighty years of abstinence, I was second only to him in self-control. He knew the gravity of what I was saying to him. He dug in his jacket pocket and handed me the keys.

_This will kill Esme, you know._ His eyes were sad.

I grimaced.

_Just hurry back as soon as you are able, we'll miss you._

"Tell Esme I love her. Please explain to everyone else." I gave him a grim smile as he squeezed my shoulder.

Two minutes later I was in the Mercedes, speeding as usual. I made it to Route 97 North in record time; I would be in Denali by sunrise.


	3. Chapter 3

Denali was our home away from home. Alaska offered privacy, open space, and good hunting for our kind. Yes, this was only place where I could clear my head, rid myself of the lust I felt for Bella Swan's siren blood.

I drove expertly through the frozen tundra of Tanya's land. She and her coven owned countless acres here. After a few minutes, I pulled up to Tanya's house. Although to call it a house was practically an insult. It was more of a palatial and luxurious log cabin. It was three stories high and fanned out on either side, with a large front porch and deck around back. There were floor to ceiling windows, showing off large stone fireplaces, wood floors, exposed rafters inside. And stunning snow capped mountain peaks, blue sky, or dazzling stars at night outside.

I felt somewhat comforted by this place.

I deeply inhaled the sharp air, immediately questioning my reaction to Ms. Swan's blood. She couldn't have been that appallingly potent, right? It was hard to imagine that I had been so tempted.

Upon hearing soft footsteps, I turned. Tanya was coming to greet me. She was centuries older than myself, but was still an unearthly beauty. She loved our family and always offered us her home with impeccable hospitality.

"Edward, welcome back!" she grinned warmly. Then her brow furrowed as she noticed the empty car behind me. _I wonder why he is alone. _

"Where is the rest of your family? They are well I presume?"

"Hello Tanya. Yes my family is wonderful…I ...um, I just needed to get away to work some things out. I hate to intrude, but Denali was the only place I could think of to come."

"No trouble at all Edward, I am happy to have you, come inside." Her eyebrows rose slightly as she turned to walk me towards the house. _I wonder what's wrong, he is always so controlled and stoic. _

I knew I would have to talk to her, but for the moment I remained quiet as I walked into her home.

At first, I wasn't sure how comfortable I would be alone in Denali. Her coven was large, but they were away hunting. When I arrived it was just Tanya and I. Many years before, Tanya had shown interest in me as a possible mate. I did not reciprocate her feelings, letting her know in the most genteel fashion. She was very poised and gracious about it, and ever since then, we were able to be closer. Tanya was quite sage in her advice, having gained much knowledge and wisdom from her millennia of existence.

A few nights later, we sat on the porch, the moon was bright and there were no sounds, no chatter of others thoughts, it was just us. I finally delved into that day at school: Bella Swan's scent, my reaction, how close I had come to destroying so many lives.

Just having her listen as I explained my shameful conduct was comforting. It was also easier now that I was away from Forks, but something was eating at me, nagging my unconscious as I spoke. I loved my family and deeply regretted the fact I ran without saying goodbye to them, especially over a mere human. My reaction felt so infantile; a silly, clumsy, human girl was going to keep me from my home and my family? That wasn't right. I wouldn't let the draw of her blood control me, I was better than just some bloodthirsty monster.

Although I'd just gotten to Denali and had planned to stay much longer, I was eager to get home. I felt a burning determination set in as I planned to leave.

Tanya realized this and looked at me, knowing I could see what she thought as she smiled.

_You are stronger than you think Edward._

I sighed as I looked at the moon, then back to her, "Thank you, for everything. I promise I will be back with the family soon." With that I was off, back to my family and back to most burdensome trial of my eternal existence.

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	4. Chapter 4

Judy Garland once said, "There's no place like home."

I chuckled to myself remembering how enamored I was with that cute singing brunette; she was all the rage back in 1939. Esme and I went to see the movie about five times, and I didn't complain once. As I drove, I thought of how her words still rang true, because as I pulled into my driveway I felt such comfort.

Well, at least until I heard the chorus of thoughts from my family members as they heard my car door shut.

_Edward, I saw what you had planned. I told them who the girl was, just so you know. _

How could I forget Alice would've known? _I don't get it, Bella Swan? Edward has no taste, she does not smell that good…and she's not even pretty! _I tried not to process my other sister's acidic thoughts. _I hope he's pulled himself together, all that self-loathing gets old real quick. _ Poor Jasper; I needed to hold it together for him.

_Oh Edward! How could he just leave without talking to me? I was so worried! I am going to give him a piece of my mind._

At the sound of my mother's thoughts, the massive weight of guilt set in. In my selfish flight to Alaska, I had forgotten about my mom. Walking through the front door, I visibly cringed at Esme's expression.

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen!" She crossed her arms, her expression somewhere between pain and anger. "Don't you dare _ever_ leave me again!"

"I'm so sorry Mom," my regret genuine as I pulled her into a hug.

"Oh Edward, its ok, I'm just relieved you are back and-" she was cut off as Alice bounded into the room followed by my other siblings.

Alice rounded me up into a hug but said nothing as Emmett smacked my shoulder.

"Hey bro, glad you're back. So Bella Swan, huh? She must smell pretty damn amazing to get _your_ self-control so screwy," he grinned. I frowned. Emmett could always be counted on for one thing: having little to no tact. Rosalie rolled her eyes as she punched him in the gut, then she tuned to glare at me. I already knew I didn't want to hear it.

"Are you done being dramatic Edward? I would like to be assured you aren't going to go all Dracula on this girl tomorrow and ruin our lives." She sneered.

I glared at her. "Rose, why don't you just go—!"

"He won't!" Alice cut my sure-to-be-colorful tirade off.

She smiled knowingly up at me. "From what I see, you will be fine tomorrow." She squeezed me tighter. "I was so glad when you decided to come home." She added softly.

"I'm just glad he didn't kill the stupid girl… Well, at least not yet." Rosalie huffed.

Esme looked shocked. I growled, shoving away from Alice and the rest of them. There was silence after that for a moment. Jasper finally stepped in and spread a bit of calm through the room. I nodded to him with thankful eyes.

"It's supposed to snow tomorrow, we should definitely have a snowball fight before lunch." Emmett suggested happily.

"It's on." I shot Rosalie a withering look.

Emmett and Jasper high-fived as Rosalie walked out. Esme shook her head at what a dysfunctional lot we were. I decided I had had enough of my family reunion.

"I will be in my room. I will see you all in the morning" I tuned to Esme and gave her one more hug and another "I'm sorry" before heading upstairs.

I stood by my couch, in front of the wall of glass that was my window and looked deep into the woods. Mozart reverberated off the walls and washed over me. The power of music: it was the only thing that helped me focus on my jumbled thoughts.

Tomorrow I would have to face my demons.

Well, one particular demon to be exact. Bella Swan must have been sent here to torture me personally. Not that I didn't deserve it; I was a bloodthirsty murderer, a debased creature. I should be punished for the sins I had committed. It was only fair—

"Stop it Edward!" Jasper smacked the wall with his fist; his tolerance waning for my emotional masochism.

"Sorry." I murmured.

How could I prepare myself for such a battle? For her?

I switched CD's and while a heavy, angry bass line roared through my room I worked on psyching myself up for the challenge. I could treat her like anyone else. She was just a regular person: an insignificant human.

_Right. _

I slumped against the glass.

_Who the hell am I kidding?_

What ran through Bella Swan's insignificant human veins was _the_ most decadent, intoxicating blood that God had ever created. I staggered back against the couch, my fingers in a vice-like grip against the leather. In my mind's eye, all I could see was her blush: the blood pooling, and the smell.

_Oh my god,_ the smell of her.

Her hair, her skin, her throat; I imagined what she tasted like…her hot pulse, wet and sticky and thick.

I turned suddenly as a fist shook the wall again.

_Jesus Christ, have some sympathy over here!_

I just nodded silently towards the drywall and swallowed hard as the venom seeped in my mouth and throat, coating it. How was I going to do this? Just the thought of her blood was driving me mad.

I had to hunt. It would take the edge off. A few hours later, I felt only slightly more confidant.

_You will do this. _I repeated my silent mantra. I closed my eyes and fell into my music as I waited for the new day and my own personal hell to begin.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. **

**a/n I will be using some direct dialogue from Twilight. All of it is Stephenie's. She is a genius! **

**Thanks to all of you who've been reading and reviewing! I appreciate your support so much, you all rock! **

We all piled into the Volvo for school. I set a mild pace while driving, actually following the speed limit; I was dreading day this more than I thought I would. I truly wished to feign a stomach ache and go home. Being undead was such a hindrance in a situation like this

Emmett and Rosalie walked off toward the building as soon as we got out. Alice and Jasper stood and waited while I took my time cutting the engine, sliding my key out, getting my books, and finally locking the doors. I was dragging out all of my actions as much as I could.

"Edward! Come on! I'm not getting any younger over here," Alice tried to threaten me.

Jasper laughed at that, clear and smooth. "Yeah, but your not getting older either. Come on Alice, you know that line doesn't apply." He continued to laugh at her.

"Jasper, it's just a figure of speech." She huffed. "And you and I both know he's being ridiculously slow right now. I've already seen it, today will be fine. I don't know why he is being like this."

"Who's slow?" I asked them from the front of the building. They were so immersed; they hadn't noticed I beat them to the doors. All I heard was an exasperated sigh from them both as they caught up and we walked in.

The day progressed without a hitch. I kept tabs on Bella Swan through other's eyes; avoiding hallways she was using and walking the long way to each building. Keeping a safe distance was key; I had to try my best.

Right before lunch, I met my family outside in the snow. It seemed to me that most of the school was there. People were running all over, packing snow, throwing it, screaming.

It was chaotic, but fun. I think needed some fun right now.

Even better, I knew who to slam first. I packed a big handful of the white powder and eyeballed my target. Her back was to me.

_Perfect._

As I wound up for the throw, my eyes caught sight of Bella Swan walking towards the cafeteria. She was practically running to get out of the maze of airborne snowballs around her. She held her binder like a shield as she made her way indoors.

My stomach dropped. Biology was next period and I had to face her then. How was I going to do it?

I didn't get a chance to think of an answer. Snowy mush slapped into my head, running down the side of my face and onto my shoulder.

I spun to see Rosalie smirking. Emmett and Jasper were hysterical.

"She got you good man!" They were cracking up. I ran towards them both as I heaved my snowball into Rosalie's hair. She shrieked, glaring as the wet mess exploded onto her perfectly-quaffed locks.

By the end of it, all of five of us were dripping wet and cheerfully distracted as we entered the lunchroom. A few minutes in, were all still laughing and cleaning ourselves off at the table, when I heard Jessica Stanley's nasal voice.

"Bella, who are you starting at?"

My head whipped up at the sound of her name. Our eyes met for the briefest moment. I tried to look pleasant. I tried again to read her. Again there was silence. It was so frustrating.

"Edward Cullen is staring at you," Jessica's voice again assaulted my ears as she spoke to Bella.

Bella did not look up, instead her head was turned aside, but I could hear her words clearly.

"He doesn't look angry, does he?" her voice was small.

I wasn't too shocked by her strange question; the last time she looked at me, I did look angry. Truthfully, I must have terrified her. If she only knew how close she came to death at my hands that day. If she only knew what I was and what I wanted from her, she would be most definitely terrified, she would hate me. She would run and never look back. I made myself sick.

Lunch soon passed, and still wished I had a stomach ache. Sighing, I made my way out of the cafeteria to class.

I walked slowly into the room. The room I never thought I would return to just a couple days ago. Her scent filled all of the open space. I held my breath immediately. It was not nearly as bad when I did that, when I was prepared for it.

Bella was already sitting in her seat. She was doodling on her book, her head lowered. I moved the chair next to her, making sure to scrape it across the floor, so she was aware of me.

She did not look up; in fact, she seemed to concentrate even more on the swirls of the pen as it moved across her book.

I would have to say something. I couldn't ignore her and I had to make up for my appalling behavior the other day. I opened my mouth, trying hard not to inhale too much of the luscious air around her.

"Hello." I said softly.

That worked.

Bella's head snapped up at the sound as she looked incredulously at me, but remained silent.

I smiled warmly as I introduced myself. To make it easier on her I added, "You must be

Bella Swan."

Bella just looked wide-eyed at me, making no attempt to respond. I was just about to consider that she may never talk to me…ever…when she finally spoke.

"How do you know my name?" she asked, sounding rather confused.

After explaining (to her great discomfort it seemed) that the whole town was waiting for her to arrive, Mr. Banner started class. On the syllabus today: Phases of Mitosis.

Wonderful.

I had done this lab a half dozen times. Faking interest over the course of so many years was painful. Today, though, I took comfort in the fact that I could work with Bella and try to gain some insight into her thoughts.

"Ladies first, partner?" I smiled extra wide.

For the second time today, Bella didn't speak. Actually, her jaw went slack and her eyes glazed over. My smile faltered as I turned to start without her. "Or I could start, if you wish."

All the sudden, she came to life, a bit embarrassed at her slow response. Her cheeks flushed a very bright pink. My breathing hitched when I thought of what was turning them that color. I swallowed hard, a mix of venom and empty air as I fought my instincts. She was clueless as to what she was doing to me.

I could so easily take her right now. I _wanted_ to…so badly. My fists tightened slightly.

_No! Stop it! _

That wasn't me. That was just the monster. And I _would _contain it. Again I shifted away slightly, body tense. Not breathing, again. In my head, I visualized Carlisle and my family. I fought against myself…for them.

She seemed not to notice my reaction as she expertly handled the microscope for the first slide, and identified it as prophase. She was confident, actually almost a bit cocky as she moved to view slide two. Without thinking, I lightly grabbed her hand to stop her. The heat of her shocked me.

No. Not shocked. It was more than that.

It practically _burned_ where my fingers grazed hers. It was an amazing sensation. I was so unused to being close to, let alone touching, a human. It quickly awakened my burning thirst again.

She looked almost as surprised as I felt. Or maybe that was fear? It was so hard to tell without her thoughts to guide me.

I pulled away instantly and glanced at my fingers, half expecting to see charred skin from the contact. I would absolutely have to avoid touching her from now on. What was I thinking?

Silently, I went back to verify slide one, finding the same result as she did. We went on like that, back and forth, not touching, for the remainder of the lab. We finished early, so we sat. I looked at her, my head slightly askew, trying to get any hint of her annoyingly silent thoughts.

She looked at me. "Did you get contacts?" Her brow furrowed as she studied me.

"No." My voice was light, but my thoughts were reeling. How did she notice the change in my eyes? I had barely met her before today. She was much too observant for my comfort. Attempting to distract her from me, I asked all about her. Why she moved, her mother and stepfather. She seemed overwhelmingly sad about living in Forks. I couldn't quite grasp why she would exile herself here for her mother's sake. Humans were usually much more selfish than that. I could tell she was uncomfortable, but her reactions and responses were fascinating me.

"Am I annoying you?" I was slightly amused at her scowl.

"Not exactly. I'm more annoyed at myself. My face is so easy to read-my mother always calls me her open book." She frowned.

I practically choked.

"On the contrary, I find you very difficult to read." If she only knew how frustrated I was by her she wouldn't say such things.

Class ended soon after that. It stuck me that it did not seem to last nearly as long as the last time. It went well for the most part, although it seemed to take all of my willpower not to slaughter her when she blushed, or when our fingers touched and I felt her warmth. I shook my head bitterly at the thought of it.

It was the end of the day, and I waited by my car. I leaned against it as I watched the children filtering out. My eyes instantly recognized Bella as she walked to her car. She got into a bulky red pickup. Not what I expected.

Then again, Bella Swan was nothing I expected.

For some reason, I had to watch her. Now that I had spoken to her and not killed her, I saw slightly past her tempting scent. She was interesting. It was hard to look away, so I didn't. I watched as she fired up the beast of a truck she drove. I watched as she unzipped her sweater and lowered the hood covering her head, and as she bent into the dashboard heaters, running her fingers through her thick, damp hair.

I watched as she looked up directly into my eyes.

Instantly, I dropped my gaze. At that, she quickly reversed the truck, almost hitting an innocent Toyota in the process. She pulled away and passed me, looking straight ahead.

I couldn't help it, I laughed; Bella Swan was truly entertaining.

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	6. Chapter 6

That evening, the slush that had melted during the day froze again as fresh snow started to fall. My eyes darted back and forth, watching each flake spin haphazardly before landing atop one another. I stood at my window for a time just staring as I waited for Carlisle to come home. He had been working a double-shift when I returned from Denali and I hadn't seen him since.

I felt full of confidence as I thought back on the day. I had not killed Bella. I even spoke with her and smoothed everything over. Now that I had made amends I could refrain from interceding too much in her life, with the exception of Biology class.

It would be easy to stay away; she had many people around to distract her. Mike Newton was one I noticed right away that wanted her attention. He had been fuming over the fact that Bella and I were conversing in class. According to his thoughts, he was half in love with her already.

Not that I could blame him.

_Well, for noticing her at least. _I clarified in my thoughts.

For a human, she was pretty. Her figure was soft and feminine. Not that I stared; a gentlemen shouldn't do such things, I just merely glanced. Her skin was clear and pale, nothing like mine though; there was brightness and vibrancy, to it. Her face was rounded and she had big, expressive brown eyes. I had definitely stared into them in class when she was responding to my questions. Her eyes danced when she spoke of something she felt strongly about and her mannerisms would match: the swirl of her hand in a gesture, the thoughtful furrow of her brow, or the way she bit her lower lip in concentration.

"Edward, can I come in?" I hadn't even noticed Carlisle knocking. He had opened the door slightly, his face leaning around it.

"Sure, I'm sorry…I didn't hear you." I turned and sat on the couch.

He gave me a strange look. Between his thoughts and the knocking, it was near impossible for me not to hear him approaching. He caught on quickly.

_Is there a lot on your mind, son? You must've been in deep thought for a while. _

"Yes. Well, no. I don't know. I was just thinking of Bella Swan. I'm just so proud that I didn't hurt her and was able to make amends in some way. Now I just have to stay away from her as much as possible." As the words left my mouth, a slightly uncomfortable sensation ran through my gut. The feeling was so faint I almost missed it. My attention quickly returned to Carlisle's thoughts.

_Edward, I'm so proud of you too. It is such a relief to have you home and be so determined to resist this. But I agree, you must avoid her unless absolutely necessary. You don't need to unduly tempt yourself. _

"I know I must be careful but I still don't understand _why_. I mean, after so long, so much control, why is it so different with her?

_Edward, that's another thing I wanted to discuss with you. When you came to me in such distress over this girl's blood, my curiosity was piqued. When I got home, I read one of my journals. It was one I kept when I lived in Italy. Aro often spoke about la tua cantante. _

"What is that? It sounds fascinating." I was now perched on the edge of couch cushion.

_Well, roughly translated it means a blood that sings to you. The expression denotes the sweetest, most potent blood to a vampire. Of course, it is all individual. Blood that I find incredibly appealing may be nothing special to you. Edward, all I am trying to get at is that seems to be your singer. Her blood, above any others', is all but impossible for you to resist. Although after today, I have to say my faith is somewhat restored. As long as you are careful, you should be fine._

"I never knew such a thing existed." I whispered, mostly to myself. I shook my head as Carlisle got up to leave.

_I know you will be ok Edward; you've always been so strong-willed. I am proud of you son. _ He patted my shoulder and walked out.

Again I was alone with my thoughts. I had no idea that that was the reason for my reaction. It comforted me because at least I was stronger than I realized, but it distressed me too. Now I knew I could never just "get over" her scent. Her smell of her blood was a torment to me personally. It would make it difficult, if not impossible, to be near her. I would have to hunt more, hold my breath, and execute perfect control from now on.

And surprisingly, for reasons unknown to me, it seemed worth the effort.

The next morning I left early because of the black ice on the roads. It was not because I wanted to drive safely, but rather to take the Volvo out for spin. Emmett liked to call it ice skating with a car.

I drove down the deserted road by the house at around seventy-five and then pulled the e-brake, sending my car into a three-sixty. It was easy to enjoy the exhilaration of it when you knew you couldn't die.

Once we arrived at school, I stayed at the car to lock up while my family went to the sidewalk. It was then that I heard Bella's truck. I knew what it was even before I turned. The rumbling engine was unmistakable.

It made me smile involuntarily.

The cantankerous engine was cut, and I watched Bella's small form hop out and walk around to the back of the truck. She was bent over, seemingly enthralled with the snow chains on her tires when I heard it; the sickening screech of brakes locked and tires spinning wildly. A dark blue van came ripping across the icy lot, completely out of control. It took only a moment to see its destination: the back of Bella's truck, right where she was still standing.

In that second, all my thoughts ceased, save one. I didn't care that I had to stay away from her. I didn't care that everyone would see me. I didn't care my family was screaming silently in protest from the sidewalk. I could only think of one thing.

_Not her._

And then I ran. Ran faster than I ever had, reaching Bella in seconds, before she had even moved an inch.

I slammed into her, forcing her down and out of the path of the van. Her head made a loud crack as it connected with the ground. After that I was met with silence. At first I thought it was over, until I realized the van was still moving in our direction.

"Not her, not now." I swore aloud.

Instinctively, I wrapped myself around her and pushed my hand out in front of me to stop the car. It lifted slightly as I swung her legs around and away from the wreck with my other hand. I let the car drop, sending metal and glass sputtering around us.

In the moments after, I lay holding Bella tightly under me. There was complete silence, but after a few of her rapid heartbeats, the shouting of people started to surround us.

"Are you alright?" My voice was panicked as I whispered in her ear, not daring to breathe.

_For all that's holy let her be ok…if she's bleeding somewhere…._

"I'm fine." She responded, her voice weak and haggard. She started to struggle against my grasp.

It was then that I realized how incredibly close I was to her body, her warmth, her blood. I could feel it now pounding through her. Her heart was throbbing in her chest from the adrenaline rush. I shifted so she could sit up, warning her to be careful how she moved so as not to aggravate her head injury.

"Ow," she sounded surprised that her head hurt.

Her expression changed from discomfort to confusion so quickly I almost couldn't keep up. It was so difficult not knowing her thoughts before she said them. "How did you get over here so fast?"

My chest tightened at her words.

_Why would you ask such a thing Bella? You were very nearly crushed to death, and this is what you say to me? _

"I was standing right next to you, Bella." I willed her to believe me, using my most serious tone.

I moved completely away from her in the narrow space and looked into her eyes, as people started to come around us, shouting and crying. Bella went to stand up.

I stopped her, placing my hand to her shoulder. I chuckled as she complained of the cold ground. What a curious person, of all things to gripe over in this situation.

"You were over there," her voice suddenly cut into my good humor. "You were by your car."

"No, I wasn't." I could feel my expression darkening at her insistence.

"I saw you." She was making this difficult.

"Bella, I was standing with you, and I pulled you out of the way." I kept my voice low and calm, but I felt my jaw tightening.

"No." Her voice was petulant.

"Please, Bella." My eyes burned into hers, trying to make her understand.

"Why?"

"Trust me," was all I could say. Sirens were blaring as the ambulance pulled up. She made me promise to tell her everything later.

"Fine." I managed through clenched teeth but I had no intentions of doing so.

Bella was taken along with Tyler Crowley to Forks Hospital. I found her in her bed, eyes closed, trying to ignore Tyler's pleadings for forgiveness. As soon as he saw me, he did the same. I quickly assured him it was no problem.

I tuned back to Bella. She explained that even though nothing was wrong they wouldn't let her leave. Just then, Carlisle walked in. He made friendly small talk, looking at her chart. He took her head in his hands, his pale fingers prodding along the back of it. She winced.

"Tender?" he asked.

"Not really." She refuted.

I laughed lightly at that. She was so stubborn. Hearing me, she turned and glared before focusing back on my father. They went back and forth about her leaving and going to school. Carlisle cleared her to go home, as long as she was careful to watch for any dizziness or vision loss.

Bella wobbled as she launched off the bed, Carlisle steadied her.

"It sounds like you were extremely lucky," he mentioned to her casually.

"Lucky Edward happened to be standing next to me," she narrowed her eyes at me.

Carlisle tried to look busy as she said that, rustling the chart and turning back to Tyler.

Bella insisted that she needed to speak with me before she left. She was pushing her luck. I wasn't going to tell her anything but it wasn't going to be easy to convince her to lie for me either. Carlisle was one thing, but she needed to lie to everyone from this point on. I realized that I had put my family on the line when I stopped that car from crushing her today. If she exposed us in any way, it would be utterly devastating.

When we finally made into the hallway and I looked at her defiant face, the stress overwhelmed me.

"What do you want from me?" I grumbled, annoyed.

"I want to know the truth," she responded, "I want to know why I'm lying for you,"

"What do you think happened?" I pushed.

Bella's explanation burst forth in a frenzy, eyes watering as she gave her testimony. She realized that I was nowhere near her, that I held the car up with my hand, that I dented it with my body. To anyone else it would've sounded crazy, irrational. But it was the terrifying truth that fell from her lips. And it stopped me cold.

I couldn't believe she noticed all of it. She was going to be the undoing of my family, my life. I hated myself and what I had to do next. She could never know the truth so I tried my hardest to make her doubt herself, telling her no one would believe her. I felt incredibly vulnerable, but I tried to make my voice hard.

After anther minute of arguing, it was quiet, our eyes locked in a silent battle. The only sounds were monitors beeping and the fluorescent bulbs humming above us.

"Why did you even bother?' She broke the silence, her voice cold, as she looked up at me.

Staring down into her eyes, I was stunned for a moment. I had risked everything for her, someone I hardly knew, someone I could never be close to. All I knew was I couldn't let her die, there was no conscious motive behind it at the time.

"I don't know," it came out as a whisper.

She just stared at me as I turned and left her standing in the hallway.


	7. Chapter 7

Driving the long way home, I pulled over to gather my thoughts. I was racking my brain trying to come up with one good reason of why I saved Bella today. All I could envision were her eyes staring in to mine as she questioned my motives. Even through the thick glaze of un-shed tears, her eyes burned with an intensity I'd never seen before. It was unnerving.

I shook my head, trying to clear it. And then I realized it was her blood.

Yes, that was my justification. No one would understand better than my family that I couldn't bear it if Bella's blood was shed in front of me. I would've shown everyone what I truly was; ruining all of us.

Still, I was in no rush to return home. My family would have my head for what I did today, I was sure of it.

I was right.

As soon I entered my house, I looked around to see them waiting for me. Carlisle had already arrived before me, no doubt due to my pit stop. All of their beautiful faces were marred by a host of various emotions: strain, confusion, anger. I immediately tuned out their thoughts, not wanting a preview of the inevitable.

Alice looked nervous. She had seen what they all were going to say and the outcome of this family discussion. I groaned inwardly and waited for the onslaught.

Surprisingly Esme started, "Edward, why?" Her voice was barely audible as her question released the tidal wave.

Jasper stood still, looking pained. "Edward I can't believe you of all people would risk such a thing. Is this girl really that important?"

I would've answered with my brilliant excuse, but Emmett's voice thundered through the living room. "What the hell Edward? When did you decide to be Superman…lifting up a freaking car and-"

"Damn it all to hell!" Rosalie's seething voice cut in now.

"Rosalie Lilian, language!" Esme warned quickly.

"I'm sorry Mom." She said through clenched teeth as she stabbed an accusing finger at me. "But your baby boy Eddie here decided to ruin our lives for a stupid girl! A girl he barely knows, a girl who will probably go and tell the whole school tomorrow how he is her _superhero_." She spat mockingly.

Something in me snapped. "That _girl_ is Bella Swan!" I roared.

I was furious. I felt the most insane urge to defend Bella, when no one in my family viewed her the same way I did, as a person. A person that intrigued me, that amused me, that frustrated and confused me to no end. The room had fallen silent at my outburst.

I quickly back peddled.

"I couldn't just have her blood spilled all over the damn parking lot! I would've lost all control and ruined us anyway. Besides…Bella is a good person."

Rosalie huffed in exasperation, rubbing her temples with pale fingertips. Jasper closed his eyes for a moment and I felt a bit calmer; until I heard what he wanted to say.

"What if she tells someone? She may be a good person, but is she trustworthy? Like Rose said, you don't even know her. I honestly believe you should just end this now."

I stared at him wide-eyed, horror filling me. _End this_? He didn't mean…no, he couldn't.

Jasper sighed heavily as the unspeakable image of Bella, pale and lifeless entered his mind. _Wouldn't it just be easier in a way? Get rid of the temptation and move on? _ He asked.

They wanted me to kill her. Maybe I was a hypocrite of the highest order; after all I had fantasized killing her, draining every drop of blood from her. But after fighting so hard to_ not_ hurt her, getting to know her, and now that I had saved her life? I couldn't bear the thought of such treachery. I was speechless as I stared at my family.

Emmett agreed, "Edward you really might have to so you can stay here. It's clear you can't resist her blood and it's only a matter of time until she gets a freaking paper cut in class or something."

"They're right; you need to take care of this. If you don't want to, Emmett or I can take care of it." Rosalie meant to sound supportive, but it just came across as callous.

This was complete and utter _madness._

I finally found my voice.

"That _isn't_ going to happen, by my hand or any of yours." I seethed, glaring at Rose. "I willnot touch Bella." My jaw clenched; I was trying to remain level-headed.

"It's ok, Edward, you don't have to." Alice touched my arm softly. "I can see you don't want to hurt her."

Carlisle looked tired but was firm as he spoke, "I agree with Edward. There is no reason right now to do anything rash. For all we know Bella won't even remember the details clearly, or if she does, she may never even speak of it again. We must trust Edward's opinion of her at this point."

Esme hugged me, "I just want you to stay here with us. Please don't run off again." _But I don't want you to hurt the poor girl—I mean Bella-either!_

"I won't Mom. I promise." I swore, answering both comments at once.

My siblings, save Alice, remained unconvinced. With a huff and the obligatory eye roll, Rose dragged Emmett upstairs. Alice hugged me and winked before following after Jasper. Carlisle turned to me, his voice low and stern.

"Edward, you _must_ avoid Bella, but you have to listen to her thoughts. Make sure she doesn't slip. For all our sakes, especially hers, you must pray she will lie for you."

I sighed deeply. "I can't listen to her Carlisle."

He frowned, "I don't understand."

"I cannot hear her thoughts. I have no clue as to why!" I swear Bella was the single most infuriating person I'd ever known.

"That is very odd. I wonder why that is? I will do some research on it. In the meantime, Edward it is of utmost importance that you make sure she tells no one." He spoke with such finality on the subject, I couldn't argue.

The next morning I went from Bella Swan's lifesaver to stalker, of sorts. From the moment I entered school I sifted through the minds of the students until I saw her.…kissing Mike Newton passionately.

I was instantly enraged and was about to put my fist through a wall of lockers until I realized Mike was only imagining the kiss as he stopped with Bella outside of her class. I felt much more relief than I knew I should have and tried to ignore that fact as I listened to their conversation.

"I'm so glad you're ok Bella, Tyler's van was headed straight for you. How the heck did you move in time?" _I keep seeing it over and over. She almost died right in front of me!_

"To be honest, there's no way I could've…"she paused. I could her heartbeat quicken.

I swallowed _hard_.

"…but Edward was standing right there with me. He pushed me out of the way."

"Oh wow, I didn't even see him with you, thank god he was there…" he trailed off. _Of course._ _Cullen! I wish I could've saved her. She'd probably be so thankful too._

Was there no end to this boy's vulgarity? My fists balled up as his thoughts again wandered into fantasy. I stopped listening. I knew for sure Bella didn't tell him. Relief and satisfaction washed over me as I contemplated that. She was lying for me, for now at least. She didn't know why and she didn't get any answers, but she was being loyal to me for some reason. I wanted to know why. Unfortunately, I had to avoid her. My only outlet was listening.

In Biology when she said hello politely, I did not respond. I could not chance another heated discussion with her. It felt uncivil to treat her so, but I had no choice. For the rest of the day and following weeks I listened to her. Her story never changed and I knew I was eternally indebted to her for it. She was treating me almost as a friend would and how did I return the favor? For the next month, I ignored Bella Swan.

Well, ignored in a social sense; I was still very much aware of her presence, particularly in Biology. Her scent was just as strong as it was in the beginning and just as torturously intoxicating. There was no ignoring _that._

Even though I had no reason to doubt her anymore, I still listened to conversations she had, watching her in her friend's minds; finding myself incredibly more and more intrigued by her, even with no direct contact. Time passed like that for a while and it was just another solitary day in class as I sat stoically next to Bella, a mere foot away from her.

Over the past month, Mike had become more aggressive in his pursuit of Bella's attention. He would sit on the counter speaking to her, all the while envisioning the two of them in a host of inappropriate scenarios. He disgusted me to no end. Bella was so innocent and kind; she didn't even realize his intent.

_Or maybe she did. Maybe she was the type to play with men's emotions…toying with them for fun. How the hell would I know either way? _I thought, irritated suddenly. _It's not as if I could read her thoughts! And why do I care so much?_ Oh, there was no stopping my frustration!

Mike's thoughts quickly snapped my attention back to the girl beside me.

_Breathe man, she's totally into you. Why else would she walk to class with you and chat you up right in front of Cullen? Dude ignores her on a daily basis anyway, no way he likes her. She'd be crazy not to say yes to you._

My stomach tightened as Mike Newton opened his mouth to speak.


	8. Chapter 8

"So, Jessica asked me to the spring dance," he muttered quickly, looking at the floor as his thoughts railed into me. My anxiety dissipated into annoyance quickly.

_But I want it to be you. _

"That's great. You'll have a lot of fun with Jessica." Bella's voice was overly enthused, filled with some emotion, relief maybe? I wasn't sure.

_Oh man…she's not getting the hint. Crap. _

"Well, I told her I had to think about it," the confidence in Mike's voice was nonexistent.

"Why would you do that?" the brightness gone from her tone. I had to be honest; the lack of her sunny disposition brightened mine tenfold. I told myself it was because it was so much fun watching Mike Newton squirm.

_Just say it! _ He attempted to summon up some courage.

"I was wondering if…well, if you might be planning to ask me."

_Please say yes. Say yes. Say yes..._

Immediately, I found my head turning slightly to gauge Bella's reaction. I wanted desperately to know what she was thinking. In all my life, I'd never had to wait on someone's response before. I didn't need spoken words to know what someone wanted to say or how they, in their heart of hearts, felt. So the seconds it took Bella to compose herself and respond felt eternal to me. I hated that I hung on her every word with bated breath. What was this girl doing to me?

"Mike, I think you should tell her yes."

For the second time since I'd met her, I felt an overwhelming and confusing sense of relief. Quickly I banished my analytical thoughts and continued to eavesdrop. I had plenty of time all night, every night, to pick apart all my reactions and emotions when it came to Bella Swan.

"Did you already ask someone?" His eyes flickered to at me quickly and then returned to Bella, although his thoughts did not.

_Cullen again! I hate him. What does she see in him? The guy thinks he better than everyone. So what he saved her life, big deal. I've been a real friend…I actually talk to her for god's sake! _

The air between them was pregnant with silence. I could _feel_ Bella's discomfort at the present situation; her body was tense and her heart was racing. She told him she wasn't even going to the dance. She was going to be in Seattle. Just listening to her unsteady breathing, I could tell she had made it up on the spot and I wondered why. But not for long, because I was quite thrilled that she turned him down. And _that _I was even more confused by.

Mike walked slowly, broken, back to his desk while I stewed in thought. I watched as Bella closed her eyes, rubbing her temples with her fingers. I found that I could not look away from her face. Confusion was swirling inside of me; my frustration with her was growing, as was my fascination. Why did she turn him down? Why did she do such unexpected things? What did she really think about Mike, or her friends, or Forks…or me? Why did I care so much?

Mr. Banner spoke. Bella's brown eyes lifted up into mine.

I could not look away. An immeasurable amount of time passed between us. I felt a pull, an unseen force, moving between us. There were unspoken words in her eyes, more communication between us than there had been in a month. What _was_ she thinking? What the hell was I feeling?

"So what is another name for the tricarboxylic acid cycle…ah…? Can you enlighten us?" Mr. Banner's voice broke into my concentration. I slowly looked to him.

"The Krebs Cycle," I responded easily.

I turned again and she was no longer looking at me.

_Damn it. _

For the rest of class Bella kept her head down. I used the time to reason with myself. I knew I wanted to speak with her again, if she would have it. We couldn't be friends, but surely we could talk. Unfortunately, I knew my family would be furious. I was calculating the odds of Emmett throwing me through my piano when he found out when the bell rang. No more thinking, I would do this now.

I could always buy another Steinway…

"Bella?"

She stopped short. Her back was to me and her shoulders tensed momentarily. It seemed as if she didn't want to turn around, but she finally did. Bella looked at me with slight shock and exasperation and set her stance accordingly; arms crossed, head cocked, chin tilted up. Her right leg jutted forward and out slightly as her weighted shifted. I suddenly noticed the soft curve of her hip. Then she spoke.

My eyes quickly snapped back to where they belonged, politely at her face. She didn't notice my uncouth behavior.

"What? Are you speaking to me again?"

Her tone was one of annoyance, but all I saw were her eyes. They had a brightness to them that made her attitude quite humorous, plus something else I could not quite place. I had to fight a smile.

"No, not really," I conceded.

"Then what do you want, Edward?" She closed her eyes and did not re-open them. I tried to ignore the unnamed feeling that coursed through me when she said my name. The only thing I did recognize was my need for her to open those eyes again and look at me.

"I'm sorry. I'm being very rude, I know. But it's better this way, really." I wanted her know my actions were necessary, even if she couldn't understand why.

"I don't know what you mean," her eyes were wary as they came out of hiding.

"It's better if we're not friends. Trust me." I hated that I had to say such words to her.

If she was annoyed before, she was surely angry now. She glowered at me. This wasn't going well.

"It's too bad you didn't figure that out earlier, you could have saved yourself all this regret."

Her tone startled me as did her words. What on earth did she mean?

"Regret for what?" I hated that I had to ask.

"For not just letting that stupid van squish me." She muttered, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

I was shocked. How could she possibly think such a thing? Did she really believe that I would want her dead? After all I had done to keep her alive! The fighting with my family, the agonizing pain of thirst I endured everyday when I was near her, the fact that I _didn't_ rip her throat out whenever she walked into class.

I had to be sure I understood this correctly.

"You think I regret saving your life?" I was stunned.

"I know you do." She argued.

Now _I_ was mad. I refused to speak anymore, unsure of what would come out. It seemed she didn't either; she quickly turned away and stomped to the door, tripping in the process. Her books scattered everywhere. I sighed, still angry, as I quickly gathered and stacked them before she even got to reach for them.

"Thank you," she was cold.

"Your welcome," I glared.

As I walked away from her, my anger subsided, but my thoughts were in disarray. How could one conversation go so horribly wrong? I understood her frustration, since she had no idea why I hadn't spoken with her for so long. It didn't help that I couldn't hear her. I was so unused to "normal" communication; I was practically inept at it.

Walking through the parking lot after school, I couldn't help but notice Eric Yorkie's thoughts as he walked towards Bella's truck.

_Ok. Just say, 'Bella; will you go to the spring dance with me?' The direct approach is the way to go. _

It seemed Mike was just the beginning of Bella's list of admirers. Again I found myself more annoyed with the idea than I should've been, but Bella's reactions were priceless. I would enjoy seeing what she had to say to her second proposal of the day. I walked as slowly as possible in their direction, tuning my ears to Eric.

"Uh, I was just wondering if you would go to the spring dance with me."

"I thought it was girls' choice," Bella's voice was not as composed as it was when Mike asked. There was a momentary silence.

When she spoke again, her tone was softer, "Thank you for asking me, but I'm going to Seattle that day." Eric quickly backed off.

Ah yes, good old Seattle: the perfect excuse. I laughed to myself softly as I passed by her.

I felt her eyes on me as she slammed the heavy door of her truck and revved the engine. It was then that I heard Tyler Crowley's thoughts. He was trying to pick the best time to ask Bella to the dance. Apparently he thought she just lied to Mike to let him down easy and she would be thrilled to ask him. I sped up; getting to my car and pulling out just as she did. I just _had_ to see this. Watching Bella reject these boys was nearly a sport at this point. I blocked her as I waited for my family to get in.

She was a sitting duck.

I watched in my rearview mirror as Tyler sauntered up to her passenger door and asked her. Her face was a montage of shock, disbelief, and irritation. I was thoroughly amused, it was better than watching a movie.

She, of course, flat out refused him. Tyler was undaunted.

"That's cool. We still have prom," was his response.

I was laughing so hard my body shook as I sped off. By the time I returned home, I'd forgotten Bella's tantrum in Biology and her multitude of suitors. All that remained was my growing interest in her, and how I had no right to feel such things. But I did. I wanted to understand her more, to talk to her, to see her again.

I began fighting with myself again, formulating a long list of reasons why not to indulge myself in this human interest of mine, but for some reason I couldn't bear the thought of it. The slight discomfort I felt when speaking with Carlisle the other night returned again a bit stronger.

Right then I decided to just go watch her, just to see her. I didn't have to speak with her. I would be cautious. I let the song on my stereo finish, changed my shirt, and was going to leave when Alice walked in. Her thoughts were loud and clear; at least she was smart and didn't speak aloud. I wasn't popular right now as it was.

_I saw you going to Bella's house and watching her. Edward, what are you thinking? I must be defective or something, right? I know you spoke with her at school today, but that doesn't mean you-_

"Alice! I know," I cut her off, my voice barely audible, "believe me, I know. You just don't understand. I cannot get her out of my mind, the curiosity is overwhelming. I don't even understand why but I feel like I'm drawn to her somehow. It's unbearable to ignore her! It's not just her blood anymore…"

My low voice trailed off into obscurity. My mouth stayed open as I tried to comprehend what I had just confessed to my sister. I looked into Alice's wide eyes.

She started to grin.

My stomach sank.

"Oh. My. Gosh! Edward this is amazing!" Her voice was just as low, but fervent. Only Alice could flip a switch and feel joy over something so absolutely and completely wrong, not to mention impossible! Her thoughts started running together now as her excitement at this novel idea ran through her head.

_—_

"Alice! Are you out of your mind? You're sick! We're done with this conversation. I'm just going to see what she's all about, its just curiosity. We're not eloping! Why is everything so extreme with you? Nothing is going on." I tried to convince myself more than Alice at this point.

"Ok Edward. You're totallyright. It's just curiosity...burning, passionate _curiosity_." She smirked, nodding her head.

I shot her a warning glare and was about to yell when she cut me off.

"Ok, ok!" Arms up, feigning surrender, she backed to my door. "I'm done now and I promise I won't tell anyone, just be careful." Her eyes told me she seemed to know something I didn't. And I wouldn't see just yet apparently, Alice was rather adept at hiding any thoughts she didn't want known.

I didn't have the energy to try to find out.

"Thank you," I nodded quickly, thankful for the chance to leave.

I made my way into the woods and ran to Bella's house. The evening was quiet now as I walked through the dense forest towards her humble home. I spotted light coming from a room downstairs and it was there that I saw Bella moving about as she prepared dinner. The slight frown on her face told me she was pondering something deeply. What it was escaped me, of course. God, I hated that.

What I saw next upended me completely. I was completely unprepared for the tears in Bella's eyes. Why would she be crying? Had someone hurt her? I wanted to uproot the tree next to me out of sheer frustration. I wished I could know what saddened her.

I suddenly turned from the scene, ashamed for invading her privacy. Why was I doing this? Why couldn't I stay away? Did I really want to stay away? I ran as fast as I could into the woods, taking down two deer ravenously. I wandered around the woods for a time, more confused than ever. Time passed around me, turning day into night, as I became consumed with my thoughts. Why did I even care about this girl? Why did I worry about her? And I saved her. Why? I couldn't grasp any real answer; all I had were more questions.

I had been so distracted by my pondering that I didn't even realize I had circled back to Bella's house. I looked up to see it filled with darkness. It was then that I saw a window on the second floor. It was ajar. I caught her scent as it softly wafted out of the open space, causing me to do exactly the opposite of what I should've.

I was a man possessed as I silently made my way through Bella Swan's open window.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

**There is a lot of direct dialogue in this chapter. Thanks to Stephenie Meyer for literally dreaming up this amazing story and characters**.

My breathing stopped as I crossed the threshold of Bella's room. Just the mild flirtation with her scent outside was enough to burn my throat. I was taking no chances. Noiselessly, my feet landed on her floor and I waited a moment for my eyes to examine the space around me.

I found Bella in bed. The moonlight filtered in and encompassed her quiet form in a soft glow. I stood a few feet away from her, completely enraptured by the simplistic beauty of a process I'd missed for the last ninety years.

Sleep.

It captivated me; the gentle rise and fall of her chest as it filled with air before pushing it back out again. Her eyes moved rapidly under her delicate lids. Was she dreaming? What a precious thing, to dream. I couldn't even imagine it.

My eyes moved again, observing her. I took my time memorizing every minute facet of her face; a luxury school didn't afford me time to do. I took in her long thick hair that spread around her like a veil. It fell in pieces across her face. Her cheeks were cherubic, soft and smooth. I remembered all too well the blush that graced them on occasion. Her full lips were slightly parted as her breath passed through them. I stared in unabashed awe at their pink color. I wondered momentarily what they tasted like.

I gulped hard and dismissed such a preposterous and unmannerly thought. My presence in her room, alone, at night, was outrageously indiscreet. Not to mention the small fact I was a vampire half-crazed by the mere thought of her blood.

What was I doing here? It was so wrong; I was a vicious creature of the night, a bloodthirsty monster. I had murdered humans, draining them of their life source without a second thought. I was damned eternally.

To even think I could stand in the presence of this innocent, beautiful woman was outright madness. I shouldn't be here. I needed to go. But something was keeping me from doing the right thing. I just didn't know what it was yet.

Without warning, Bella rolled slightly and mumbled. Her small body became tangled in her blanket and her hair fell back, revealing her glorious face fully in the pale light. She was simply angelic.

"Edward," the angel spoke.

I froze as panic washed over me. Had she seen me? I dared to look at her eyes again. They were shut. I smiled when I realized she talked in her sleep. But then I actually _heard_ what she said.

"Edward," she repeated clearly. I shuddered.

It was then that the full force of her words hit me. The breath I had been holding came rushing out. My chest hurt suddenly. I looked down; touching it as if there were some damage there. My usually sturdy legs felt powerless, like my bones had gone missing somehow. Never had I been as utterly devastated by something as I was by my name passing over her perfect lips. New, unfamiliar, emotions rushed through me. I was stunned, frozen in place.

This moment completely defined my thoughts. Abruptly they had gone from convoluted to blindingly sharp. My mind was made up now, there was no going back. I could not ignore her anymore, I would not.

I finally was able to force my body to move from its position by Bella's bed. I sat in an old rocking chair in the corner, staying motionless and breathless for another hour or so before I got up to leave.

I ran back home and rushed to my piano, ignoring Esme's questioning glance.

For hours I played steadily; a thoughtful, somber song. With every press of the keys, the deep chords spiraled through me, swirling in the air and surrounding me as I contemplated what I'd done.

I did not understand the feelings I had now; the dull ache in my chest, the intensity of which shocked me. I was both scared and thrilled at once. How could this happen? I wanted nothing more than to just speak to Bella. I needed to learn everything about her and spend time with her. No one had ever affected me in such a way.

The morning did not come soon enough. I arrived ten minutes early to school and waited for her arrival. I had spent hours thinking of how to get to know her better and finally decided to ask her to go to Seattle with me.

As soon as she parked, as far from me as humanly possible I noticed, Bella got out and promptly dropped her keys. She was bent down, so I ran. It probably would've looked like a frightening blur of movement if she'd seen it.

But she didn't notice. She gasped as I picked the keys up before she got to them.

"How do you _do_ that?" she was almost irritated.

"Do what?" I dropped the keys in her hand.

"Appear out of thin air."

"Bella, it's not my fault if you are exceptionally unobservant." I teased, wondering what she'd say to that, surely not what I would expect.

"Why the traffic jam last night? I thought you were supposed to be pretending I don't exist, not irritating me to death."

I enjoyed her spirited response, always witty.

"That was for Tyler's sake, not mine. I had to give him his chance." I knew I was evil, I had to laugh.

Her face was glorious in its rage, "You…" she managed, but no further words exited.

"And I'm not pretending you don't exist." I countered.

"So you are trying to irritate me to death? Since Tyler's van didn't do the job?"

The good humor was lost for me as she dug at me with ridiculous insinuations. I replied coldly to her that she was absurd.

She promptly turned and walked away from me.

"Wait," I called to her, easily catching up to her pace.

"Why won't you leave me alone?" she didn't look at me.

"I wanted to ask you something, but you sidetracked me."

"Do you have a multiple personality disorder?" her face severe.

"You're doing it again." I warned.

She sighed, "Fine then. What do you want to ask?"

My stomach dropped suddenly, I was asking her out and I knew I couldn't stop myself if I tried.

"I was wondering if, a week from Saturday—you know, the day of spring dance."

"Are you trying to be _funny_?" her voice cut me off, her lovely face turned up into mine.

Her eyes were warning me. I could've stared at them endlessly.

I grinned, "Will you please allow me to finish?"

As she moved her arms behind her in defeat, she bit her lower lip. I found this habit of hers particularly distracting. I fought to stare at her eyes.

"I heard you say you were going to Seattle that day, and I was wondering if you wanted a ride." I offered.

Her face showed her surprise. As we walked, I convinced her to come with me. Once we came to the door of the school, she turned to me.

"Honestly Edward, I can't keep up with you. I thought you didn't want to be my friend."

Just the sound her saying my name aloud again sent a thrill through me. "I said it would be better if we weren't friends, not that I didn't want to be."

"Oh, thanks, now that's all cleared up," her sarcasm was plentiful. I was just frustrating her again.

"It would be more…prudent for you not to be my friend," I stared intently into her eyes as she looked up at me, "but I'm tired of trying to stay away from you, Bella."

I wanted so much to convey what I felt, to show her how much I wanted to be near her. It must've worked; Bella stopped breathing for a moment and didn't speak. I took my chance.

"Will you go with me to Seattle?"

She only nodded in approval. Joy soared through me only for a second before my conscience kicked in. I had no right doing this. It was absolutely wrong.

"You really should stay away from me. I'll see you in class." I spoke the warning quickly and walked away, frustrated that I couldn't fully appreciate the moment.

School was uneventful until lunch came around. I had taken a seat alone, away from my family, so I could extend an invitation for Bella to join me. The morning's apprehension had faded; I wanted to see her again and talk to her. I just had to get her attention.

She was sitting with Jessica, Mike, Angela, and Ben when I saw her. I finally caught her gaze and beckoned with my finger. She gave Jessica some excuse about Biology homework as she walked towards me.

"This is different," the arch in her eyebrow rose as she greeted me.

I smiled but rushed through my words, "Well...I decided as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly." The explanation seemed fitting given the situation.

"You know I don't have any idea what you mean."

_Yeah, what does that mean? That is not polite dining conversation. _

Jasper's chastising came into my mind.

"I know," I smiled again. "I think your friends are angry with me for stealing you."

"They'll survive."

_You won't survive Edward! When we get home I am going to kick your ass. _

Emmett's thoughts were a bit more forceful as he and Rosalie glared.

I ignored my brothers and focused on Bella.

"I may not give you back, though," I was practically wishing it. Bella gulped, I stared as her throat move with the force of it.

_Edward! Don't scare the poor girl. I see you two getting close; don't ruin it with your cryptic comments. _Alice had a point.

"You look worried." She should be.

"No," her voice was unconvincing, "surprised actually…what brought all this on?"

"I told you – I got tired of trying to stay away from you. So I'm giving up."

Her face was confused as she repeated my words.

"Yes—giving up trying to being be good. I'm just going to do what I want now, and let the chips fall where they may." I couldn't help my voice as it became darker.

"You lost me again." She confessed sweetly.

I smiled widely.

_Edward, I swear if you say too much, I will rip you to pieces burn you myself!_

Ah, Rosalie. What a delicate flower.

"I always say too much when I'm talking to you—that's one of my problems."

Bella explained she didn't understand any of it and asked simply if we were friends now.

I was overjoyed with the idea; I never imagined I would be friends with a human, let alone someone like Bella. Again, though, I felt I had to warn her yet again that I was no good, and she should be smart and avoid me. But we finally settled on being _not_ smart and staying friends, much to the chagrin of the Cullen/Hale table to my left. She was quiet for a moment, pondering. It was driving me insane.

"What are you thinking?" I couldn't contain myself any longer.

She looked into my eyes, "I am trying to figure out what you are."

I froze, my jaw was tight as I bit my cheek, and forced myself to smile.

_Holy crap Edward, what the hell is going on over there?_

The thought almost came in unison from the left again.

I played it cool, while my insides screamed. "Are you having any luck with that?"

She said no, I asked her about her ideas. I wanted to know every thought in her head.

She blushed and I nearly chewed off the inside of my cheek from the tension it caused me.

I tried to get her to divulge her theories, but she wouldn't.

"That's _really_ frustrating, you know."

"No," her voice was not sweet anymore, "I can't imagine why that would be frustrating at all—just because someone refuses to tell you what they're thinking, even if all the while they're making cryptic little remarks specifically designed to keep you up at night wondering what they could possibly mean…now, why would that be frustrating? Or better, say that person also did a wide range of bizarre things—from saving your life under impossible circumstances one day to treating you like a pariah the next, and he never explained any of that, either, even after he promised. That, also, would be _very_ non-frustrating." She was done now and sat un-amused. I couldn't smile out of this one, so I didn't.

_Ouch, watch out for her bro. She's a firecracker! She's got you pegged._

Emmett snorted.

_Edward, please calm her down; I'm getting uncomfortable over here and I still have half a day left, ok? _

Jasper pleaded silently with me.

I found a distraction as I looked over Bella's shoulder to see Mike Newton's angry eyes glaring at me. He thought we were fighting and wanted to save Bella from me, I would've loved to see him try.

The tension passed as we chatted back and forth. She finally broke and told me some of her superhero theories.

"I'll figure it out eventually," she promised me darkly.

"I wish you wouldn't try," I meant that more than she could know, "What if I'm not a superhero? What if I'm the bad guy?"

"Oh…I see." Her eyes found mine and a flicker of comprehension passed over them.

I started to panic, "Do you?"

"You're dangerous?"

I heard her heartbeat quicken, I could smell her more intensely all of the sudden. It just reminded me again how doomed this was; my nature would never change. I just looked at her, slightly hopeless, as I realized she wouldn't want to be near me. I had scared her.

"But not bad, I don't believe that you're bad." Her words gave me no comfort now.

"You're wrong." I could barely say my words aloud. I felt broken by her; I would never be good enough to be close to her. I didn't know what else to say.

Lunch was over now, I was about to walk with her to Biology when Alice's thoughts warned me.

_You cannot go to Bio today, for all our sakes; they are doing blood typing. Tell her you are skipping class today._

My gut twisted just thinking of the massacre that would surely take place if I went. Yes, skipping was my only option. Thank goodness for Alice; she looked out for me.

It did cheer me a bit to see Bella seemingly torn about leaving me for class. She finally left and I went to my car.

I reclined in my seat, closing my eyes, as Debussy cleared my head. About twenty minutes later I was startled to hear Bella's voice nearby, much closer than Biology class.

"Just let me sit for a minute, please?" She begged. I was instantly out of my car and walking towards her weak voice. An overwhelming sense of protectiveness hit me immediately.

"And whatever you do, keep your hand in your pocket."

What the hell did that mean? Who was she talking to? Was she hurt?

"Wow, you're green, Bella," I recognized the other voice immediately.

I was turning the corner by the cafeteria when I caught sight of Mike Newton standing over Bella. Her unmoving body was slumped over on the cold, wet concrete. I broke into a run.


	10. Chapter 10

A cold, tight fear gripped me instantly.

"Bella?" I yelled out. "What's wrong—is she hurt?" If Newton touched her I would rip him to shreds.

Mike turned, looking stressed himself.

"I think she's fainted. I don't know what happened; she didn't even stick her finger." Mike's voice was nervous now.

_Oh crap, Cullen looks pissed. I hope he doesn't think I did something. _

I ignored his babbling, "Bella, can you hear me?"

"No," her voice was low and weak, "go away."

I was suddenly so relieved at the sound of her voice I chuckled. Mike said something about the nurse and I reacted without a second thought on the matter.

"I'll take her." I was not leaving her with him. I picked her up into my arms easily, holding her delicate body far from mine.

"Hey!" Mike's voice was already behind us.

_What the hell does he think he's doing? I swear to God, I hate him!_

Same to you, I thought, as I smiled. "You look awful," I looked down at Bella, still grinning.

"Put me back on the sidewalk," Bella finally mumbled out.

Her color was all wrong; she seemed to be fighting nausea and fainting at once.

"So you faint at the sight of blood? And not even your own blood." I asked, amused beyond belief at such a thing.

She didn't answer; her lips were pressed tightly together to keep what I assumed was some foul substance at bay. I whisked Bella gently into the nurse's office. In the warm air, her scent became alarmingly overbearing. I realized how close I was to her, my hands on her body. Her neck was a mere foot from my mouth. I felt the venom pooling on my tongue.

Steady and calm, steady, calm, steady, calm…I repeated silently, a mantra of reassurance.

My body was tense with restraint as I gently laid her on the cot and backed myself into the wall, my eyes focused only on her. I finally relaxed enough to explain to the nurse what had happened.

"She's just a little faint; they're blood typing in Biology."

The nurse nodded in understanding. "There's always one."

I quietly laughed at the irony of it all; Bella and I were complete polar opposites. I must be crazy.

"Just lie down for a minute, honey; it'll pass."

The nurse was standing next to Bella, her voice was comforting. Bella finally spoke in response.

"I know."

"Does this happen a lot?" The nurse prompted.

"Sometimes."

The nurse turned to me as I tried to hide another laugh. "You can go back to class now."

There was no way in hell was I leaving Bella. "I'm supposed to stay with her." The nurse sighed but didn't argue with me as she left to get ice for Bella.

"You were right." Bella's voice was returning to normal.

"I usually am—but about what in particular this time?"

"Ditching _is _healthy." I smiled at that.

She was breathing evenly now as her color returned slowly. It dawned on me how frightened I felt when I thought she was hurt. The reaction startled me. I spoke again with a bit of difficulty.

"You scared me for a minute there…I thought Newton was dragging your dead body off to bury it in the woods."

"Ha ha."

"Honestly—I've seen corpses with better color." _Literally_. "I was concerned I might have to avenge your murder."

"Poor Mike. I'll bet he's mad."

_Bella you have no idea. _

"He absolutely loathes me." I grinned.

"You can' know that." Her frowned, her eyes still shut.

I quickly explained myself, "I saw his face—I could tell."

"How did you see me? I thought you were ditching?"

"I was in my car, listening to a CD." _Trying not to think of you_.

The nurse returned with a cold pack. Bella sat up. Then I smelled the blood as leaned into the room, "We've got another one."

More blood was the last thing Bella needed. She got up to make room and we both pressed against the wall as Mike walked in supporting Lee Stephens, who was looking far less than spectacular.

"Oh no, go out to the office, Bella." I truly hoped she would follow my direction.

She looked at me for a moment then walked quickly out. I was shocked.

"You actually listened to me."

"I smelled the blood," her nose scrunched up.

_Silly Bella. _"People can't smell blood."

"Well, I can—that's what makes me sick. It smells like rust…and salt."

Dumbfounded and incredulous, that's what I was. Who was this girl? She astounded me more and more. She noticed my expression.

"What?"

"It's nothing." No, it was everything, everything about her was enchanting.

We turned as Mike came back out. He gave me a seething glare before speaking to Bella. I leaned on the counter and unwillingly let him have his moment.

"You look better." _I guess Cullen worked his magic huh?_

"Just keep your hand in your pocket," Bella pleaded immediately.

"It's not bleeding anymore. Are you going back to class?"

"Are you kidding? I'd just have to turn around and come back."

"Yeah, I guess…So are you going this weekend? To the beach?"

_She better not back out, she promised. He is not invited…maybe we can actually have some time to ourselves._

What a complete ass. I really wanted to just smack him but instead just stared off so I wouldn't act on that instinct.

"Sure, I said I was in." Bella's tone sounded forced. Mike explained where and when to meet, again glaring at me one last time. I practically rolled my eyes.

"I'll see you there," she promised.

"I'll see you in Gym, then." He finally left. I immediately moved close to her.

Bella looked defeated, "Gym."

I leaned down to her ear, careful not to breathe in, "I can take care of that. Go sit down and look pale."

She complied as I walked to to "work my magic", as Mike so eloquently put it. He wasn't far off; I could charm humans easily.

Ms. Cope's eyes glazed over quickly as I spoke in my softest tone, my eyes intent on hers. I asked her to excuse Bella from gym, explaining I would get her home safely. It took but a moment and she was convinced.

"Okay, it's all taken care of. You feel better, Bella." spoke, still dazed, as I moved to walk Bella out.

"Can you walk, or do you want me to carry you again?" I teased.

"I'll walk."

We made our way outside, there was mist falling around us.

"Thanks. It's almost worth getting sick to miss Gym."

"Anytime."

"So are you going? This Saturday, I mean?" her voice was hopeful, making my chest hurt again.

"Where are you all going, exactly?"

"Down to La Push, to First Beach." I felt my expression tighten slightly, I hated that she would be somewhere I couldn't be. I tried to play it off.

"I really don't think I was invited."

"I just invited you."

She wanted me around, I was thrilled.

"Let's you and I not push poor Mike any further this week. We don't want him to snap." I couldn't help the joy in my eyes at the idea of that happening. I think Bella noticed my words were false.

"Mike-Schmike." She said as her body moved away from mine. She was walking towards her truck. I instantly missed her close presence but even more so, I was mad. What the hell what was she thinking, did she not hear me in the office?

"Where do you think you're going?" I grabbed her coat, pulling her back to me.

"I'm going home." She obviously didn't see the problem.

"Didn't you hear me promise to take you safely home? Do you think I'm going to let you drive in your condition?" I tried my best to keep my voice from being too hard. I was a man of my word, I promised to get her home safely and I meant it.

She continued her complaints, asking what would happen to her truck and so forth. I explained Alice could drop it off for her as I continued dragging her towards the Volvo.

"You are so _pushy_!"

I was in the car already as Bella stood stubbornly outside the passenger door. I leaned over and rolled the window down, "Get in, Bella."

She hesitated, letting the rain soak her completely. I knew she must be contemplating making a run for it. She was unbelievable!

"I'll just drag you back," I spoke again, intercepting her silent plan.

Reluctantly she lowered herself into the car. Her hair was saturated, water ran down the back of her shirt and her boots squeaked as she squirmed into place.

"This is completely unnecessary."

I ignored her protests and started turning knobs. Truth be told, I only knew how to use the stereo. I fidgeted until I found the one with a picture of feet and turned the dial to the red. Bella didn't seem to notice my struggle, she sat silently.

I forgot my music was even on until Bella spoke again.

"Clair de Lune?"

"You know Debussy?" Honestly I was shocked; most high school kids wouldn't know classical music if it slapped them in the face, let alone a song written before even _I_ was born. It seemed Bella was always the exception to the rule.

"Not well, my mother plays a lot of classical music around the house—I only know my favorites."

"It's one of my favorites too…" I trailed off.

It was quiet after that and drove quickly towards Bella's home. The heaters were blowing her rain-soaked scent all over the car. It was magnificent torture. It would be so easy now to take her. I sped up. I had to keep my thoughts straight, stopping them from going into dark territory. I turned to her.

"What is your mother like?"

"She's looks a lot like me, but she's prettier."

Somehow I doubted that, raising my eyebrows.

"I have too much of Charlie in me. She's more outgoing then I am, and braver. She's irresponsible and slightly eccentric, and she's a very unpredictable cook. She's my best friend." She stopped; there was a heartsick edge to her voice.

I wanted nothing more than to understand her thoughts, why she would leave her mother, why she was so selfless. She acted so unlike anyone else I'd ever known.

"How old are you Bella?" I asked as we pulled up to her house.

"I'm seventeen."

"You don't seem seventeen." I murmured. She definitely acted older, although there was no way she was.

She laughed.

"What?"

"My mom always says I was born thirty-five years old and that I get more middle-aged every year…well, someone has to be the adult." She paused. "You don't seem much like a junior in high school yourself."

I frowned at her simple truth. I could be her great-grandfather. It was time for the next subject.

"So why did your mother marry Phil?"

Her eyes were surprised at the question, "My mother…she's very young for her age. I think Phil makes her feel even younger. At any rate, she's crazy about him."

"Do you approve?"

"Does it matter? I want her to be happy…and he's who she wants."

"That's very generous…I wonder," my voice trailed off. My thoughts were taking a risky turn and I couldn't stop myself from verbalizing them.

"What?"

"Would she extend the same courtesy to you, do you think? No matter who your choice was?" I looked into her deep eyes. What was I saying? Why couldn't I stop this?

"I-I think so," her voice was shaky, "but she's the parent, after all. It's a little bit different."

"No one too scary then."

"What do you mean by scary? Multiple facial piercings and extensive tattoos?"

_Not quite, Bella. I'm a tad worse than that_. "That's one definition, I suppose."

"What's your definition?"

_A vampire who wants to consume every luscious ounce of blood in your body_, I thought bitterly. I wondered if she sensed how much I was drawn to her.

"Do you think that _I_ could be scary?"

"Hmmm…I think you _could_ be, if you wanted to."

"Are you frightened of me now?" I didn't really want to know the answer. I knew I deserved her fear but it would crush me to hear her say it.

"No."

I was elated, a smile forming on my face.

"So, now are you going to tell me about your family?"

"What do you want to know?' I was wary. Bella's question caught me off guard. I had to be careful with this subject.

"The Cullen's adopted you?"

"Yes."

"What happened to your parents?"

"They died many years ago." _Many, many years ago…_

"I'm sorry." She sympathized.

I didn't want her to be upset for me. "I don't really remember them that clearly. Carlisle and Esme have been my parents for a long time now."

"And you love them." She stated this as fact. They way I spoke of them left little room for doubt about that.

"Yes."

"You're very lucky."

"I know I am."

"And your brother and sister?"

That snapped me out of the moment; my family was going to lose it when they realized I was gone.

"My brother and sister, and Jasper and Rosalie for that matter, are going to be quite upset if they have to stand in the rain waiting for me."

"Oh, sorry, I guess you have to go" I noticed her hesitation.

"And you probably want your truck back before Chief Swan gets home, so you don't have to tell him about the Biology incident." I grinned.

She rolled her eyes, "I'm sure he's already heard. There are no secrets in Forks."

_There's one_.

I laughed, slightly nervous. "Have fun at the beach…good weather for sunbathing."

"Won't I see you tomorrow?"

"No. Emmett and I are starting the weekend early."

"What are you going to do?"

The disappointment in her voice thrilled me, my stomach leapt; I felt the same way when I knew I wouldn't see her. I told her we were hiking.

"Oh, well, have fun." She tried so hard to sound excited for me but I saw through it. The thrill spread to my mouth now, where a smile was forming but I couldn't forget my request. I would worry about her this weekend; I knew that for a fact.

"Will you do something for me this weekend? Don't be offended, but you seem to be one of those people who just attract accidents like a magnet. So...try not to fall into the ocean or get run over or anything, all right?" My smile widened broadly now.

Bella's soft expression hardened, "I'll see what I can do," the sarcasm was blatant. She slammed the door and stomped off to the house. Somehow, she was even more attractive when she was mad. What a wonderful creature she was.


	11. Chapter 11

**WARNING: Adult/Graphic Content in this chapter. Rape references. **

**PS: I own nothing, including the direct dialogue from Twilight, characters etc…**

**Thanks again for the support! Happy Reading **

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The ride to Goat Rocks was long and silent.

We drove in Emmett's Jeep and from his thoughts I surmised he was still upset about the latest Bella incident and he figured he'd punish me by revoking my driving privileges.

When we arrived I realized how incredibly hungry I was. We separated and I ran into the trees, expertly draining two deer in five minutes. I felt somewhat satisfied and after an hour or so Emmett and I met back up; both of us more relaxed. He broke the silence.

"Listen bro, I'm sorry about before. I just don't get it. She's a human, it's so risky."

_Why couldn't he just like Tanya? She's smokin' hot and a vampire. I mean, Bella is definitely a cute girl and all…she's definitely got a great a—_

"Ok, that's enough!" I scowled at him, "I know you don't understand why, I barely do myself, but I know what I feel for Bella I've is something I've never experienced before. I don't think it will stop, if anything it's just getting stronger."

Emmett just stared, wide eyed and open mouthed as my words spilled out in a heated, rambling stream. I realized I'd never really spoke so candidly to anyone, except perhaps Alice, about Bella. The last time she came up was during our family "discussion", and at that point I didn't even know her half as well.

After the shock wore off, Emmett cleared his throat, his face hardened.

"Ok, listen, um…ok.. that's really sweet and all," his voice was sarcastic, but a warning tone crept into it, "but you cannot keep doing what you're doing. You are just tempting yourself and that could be bad for all of us."

"I know…you're right about the temptation. Her blood is like nothing I've ever come across—."

"Wait, what are saying? What is the difference with her blood?"

I realized too late I should've shut up. I wanted to keep him from being alarmed but it wasn't working at all; I tried to be careful with my next words.

"Well…," I paused, not sure how to explain, "…her blood is unlike anything I've ever smelled. Carlisle explained the reason to—wait, why do you ask? Have _you_ ever come across such a thing?"

Emmett's disposition changed so suddenly it shocked me. He was so often the carefree, jovial one; that the haunted look he gave me almost disfigured him. He didn't speak immediately. Instead, he turned and focused on the woods in the distance.

Finally he spoke, his voice so low I almost missed it. "You can't hold out forever..."

Emmett's voice trailed off as his face suddenly looked shameful. I didn't need his thoughts to know the face of guilt.

"Em, tell me. What is it?

_Twice, Edward… twice I've faced such a calling for blood. I wasn't the normal thirst we all endure, but two of the most intense, most compelling scents I'd ever come across. I knew right then I couldn't stop myself. The scent of them drove me insane, there was no stopping it. I killed each of them! They were innocent. They'd done nothing wrong and I murdered them both! I hate myself for losing control. I don't ever want you to feel that way too..._

I sat in silence at his confession. Judging by his thoughts, he didn't want to hear me anyway. A moment later Emmett was up and running. I let him go.

His experience shocked and humbled me, but it didn't change my mind. I almost felt physically ill, knowing I could not stay away from her, even though I should. It would cause me too much pain to separate myself now. In the end, I was far too selfish to give her up.

I tried to salvage the rest of our trip by attempting to leave Bella out of the conversations and out of my mind.

By Saturday, despite my most ardent efforts, my thoughts were consumed with her. Was she doing well? I knew she was at the beach today. Was the revolting Mike Newton near her, speaking with her, looking at her, fantasizing? Just the idea of him being in her presence was sickening to me. My hands were clenched as I stood amidst the trees, still out in the wilderness, far from her. I looked around in vain for a distraction from my thoughts and spotted it: a mountain goat. My thoughts faded as my hunting instincts rose in their place.

I finished quickly and realized the kill was only a brief respite from my turmoil. My thoughts moved rapidly back to Bella. I was then thinking that she may get hurt or sick or some tragedy would befall her. A car accident, a fall, the ocean tides- my head was spinning with worry.

By late Saturday, Emmett was annoyed by my lack of good humor and my introspective silence; we usually always had a lot of fun on our trips. I hoped he didn't realize this was about _her_; I wouldn't hear the end of it.

We wound up leaving early Sunday morning. I was barely holding onto my sanity by that point. I felt an indescribable pull to just see Bella again. I had to make sure she was ok.

I greeted my family briskly, hugged Esme and took off into the woods for a run. Most likely Alice already knew my destination but she remained silent on the matter.

I tore through the thick forest, my feet skimming lightly across the mossy rocks and pine needles as I expertly avoided the immense trees. I had come within a half-mile of Bella's home when my body stopped short as her scent hit me.

I stood silently as my mind whirled.

Why was her scent so strong here in the middle of the forest? A nervous energy engulfed me as I pondered why that would be; images of her lying alone and hurt somewhere flashed across my mind. Slowly I traced to where her scent was strongest until I saw her; sitting silently against a fallen tree. I was still many yards away and she did not sense my company with her in the woods.

I watched as she sat unmoving, her face set in a mask of deep thought. How I wanted to know what she was thinking! It seemed almost as if she were debating some issue in her mind.

It was twilight when she finally moved to get up. She paused for a moment before walking towards home along the trail. I stayed with her through the entire process, making sure she didn't get hurt. I decided I would speak to her about going into the forest alone; it wasn't safe. Bella did not seem to have a good sense of self-preservation.

I returned home, playing the piano for the rest of evening. Besides seeing Bella, it was the only other thing that soothed me.

Monday morning I cursed the intensely lucent sun; it kept me from being with Bella. We all stayed home "sick". I tried to distract myself through the day. I even hunted again shortly, until school was out and I could go to Bella's. She was becoming quite the addiction.

Once again I stood in the outlying forest as she started preparing dinner. I listened as Jessica called and canceled plans with her and as she went upstairs and typed on her computer.

Much to my delight, after an hour or so, Bella emerged from the house and into the bright sun. She was carrying a blanket and a shabby book.

I gazed unrelentingly as she laid the blanket down, followed by her body. Her soft, feminine form was belly down as she opened the book to read it. After about ten minutes she huffed, seemingly annoyed. She shuffled through more pages, finally slamming the book shut. What made her so frustrated? I would sell my car just to know what she was thinking. Damn that mind of hers!

My brain ceased functioning momentarily when Bella rolled onto her back. All my senses were acutely aware of her fingers as they slid her sleeves up her arms. Next were her pant legs; rolled up to reveal the smooth, fair skin hidden underneath. She laid back, fanned her hair around her head, and closed her eyes.

The sight of her lying in the midday sun enraptured me. I did not move once, more than satisfied to enjoy her ethereal beauty from afar. I listened to her breathing slowly even out, her body became peaceful in a way only sleep could bring. I knew it was probably inappropriate to stand in woods and watch her sleep, but the fact was I just didn't care. The only thing that mattered was that I was able to see her again.

She laid in a tranquil slumber for hours until Charlie's truck turned into the driveway. I backed into the woods silently as Bella stirred and then rose quickly, looking around suddenly to spot where I'd been standing. Did she sense me there? I both hoped for and dreaded it. She surely would not appreciate me stalking her like I was.

Even so, I did not stray far. I waited for her to go inside and listened as she spoke with Charlie about plans she made for Tuesday night, something about going to Port Angeles with Jessica and Angela. A shopping trip was in order apparently. I sighed as I finally decided to leave; I'd been out too long. At least I would see her in school the next day, or so I thought; I came home to hear the weather report on T.V. predicting "another lovely sunny day in Forks!"

"Lovely my ass," I growled lowly as I went upstairs. This just meant another day I couldn't speak to Bella. I comforted myself knowing I already decided to "accompany" her to Port Angeles. It was too stressful not knowing if she was ok or not, so I would watch her from a distance just to be safe.

* * *

"I wouldn't even know what dress would constitute semi-formal."

I saw Bella's confused face in Jessica Stanley's mind as she entered the dress store as I sat in my car a few blocks down.

"What are you talking about Bella? You've gone to dances." Jessica's voice tone was factual, not questioning.

"No."

"Didn't you ever go with a boyfriend or something?" Jessica's voice was incredulous.

"Really, I've never had a boyfriend or anything close. I didn't go out much."

_I don't freaking believe it. _"Why not?" Jessica's thoughts and words sounded harsh, even from blocks away.

"No one asked me."

_Liar! Why won't she just be honest; it's so annoying._

I felt disbelief her words too. How could someone like Bella have never had a boyfriend? It was inconceivable to me.

"People ask you out here and you tell them no." Jessica retorted.

"Well, except for Tyler." Angela's low voice finally made an appearance.

What! When did Crowley ask Bella out? I felt the scowl on my face form at the mere idea of it.

"Excuse me? What did you say?"

"Tyler told everyone he's taking you to prom." Jessica clarified. _Like she doesn't know._

"He said _what_?" I saw shock on Bella's face and immediately relaxed.

"I told you it wasn't true," Angela's soft voice sounded satisfied as Jessica huffed in response.

Jessica's thoughts quickly converted to retail as I saw dozens of dresses in her head. I decided to get out of there. I would let them have their time shopping; it would take hours anyway. I put music on, loud, and leaned back. Soon enough an hour had passed and I listened again for Bella only to be met with silence.

I listened for Jessica or Angela, again nothing. That was strange, there was no way three teenage girls were _completely _silent. I drove my car past the store, finally hearing a glimpse of Angela.

"…oh definitely, that necklace is perfect for the dress. The whole outfit is beautiful."

"Oh man, Mike is gonna _die _when he picks me up!" Jessica's voice was ecstatic. "I mean, you have to admit, the neckline is way sexy."

"Yeah, I'm sure he'll love it." Angela laughed.

Suddenly, in the middle of their mind-numbing conversation, I came to the realization that Bella was not with them. How could I have missed that for so long?

_I wonder if Bella is done at the bookstore by now. I'm starving._

Jessica's thoughts, and the image of the bookstore now in her head, pointed me in the right direction. Why did she go off alone?

I turned my car around swiftly and sped off towards the store. The anxious feeling I tried so hard to avoid was slowly creeping into my stomach again. I just had to see her, that's all. Within minutes I came upon the small bookstore. Rolling down my windows, I got a hint of her scent heading south. I reasoned with myself.

_Just get a glimpse of her and you'll be fine. No need to worry so much…what could possibly happen? _

But a small discomfort was forming in my gut as I concentrated on the thoughts of everyone around me. There was moment of intense buzzing until I began to pinpoint what I wanted: flashes of Bella's brown hair, or her eyes, or her profile as she walked. I tried to gauge where she was located. I wanted so desperately to jump from my car and just follow her on foot but the sun was still low in the sky, it wasn't quite dark enough for me to get around unnoticed.

After a few minutes, when I still didn't find her; the discomfort became pain, my thoughts more frenzied. My driving had no purpose as I circled aimlessly. I had closed my eyes momentarily, trying to focus again, when a gruff male voice resounded in my head.

"_Hey there!"_

Immediately, the image of Bella's beautiful face came into my mind through his. She had just walked by him. I let out a loud, relieved breath.

And then I heard his thoughts.

_Damn, she's a looker. Definitely jail bait, what I wouldn't give to—_

"_Hello."_ Bella's timid response as soon walked away stalled his thoughts for a second. But the reprieve was short lived.

_Ooh baby, got us a shy one, huh? _

My hands tightened around the steering wheel at his last he say _us_? My fears were realized as loud laughter bellowed after her. I unwillingly looked again, so I could somehow see were they were located. The pain exploded into full blown agony as I saw it was not just one, but four, men. Bella walked swiftly away from them. I watched, horrified, when they started slowly following her. All four of them had the same debased, evil thoughts about her.

_Come on honey, don't run away; we'll have some fun. _

_Playing hard to get? Just wait baby…you'll be begging for more when I'm done with you._

Like a tidal wave in my mid, their thoughts became plans, violent and profane: Bella against the brick wall of an alley, her mouth covered, tears staining her cheeks, as one kissed her neck and another grabbed a fistful of her hair. Bella crying as they tore her clothes, laughing as she struggled and screamed while they took turns violating her innocent body without remorse.

A enraged growl ripped through me, shaking me from head to toe. The metal of the steering wheel bent beneath my fierce grip. Frantic, I sped through the streets, weaving through traffic, blowing through lights and stop signs. I was on the verge of a complete breakdown when I then heard that monster's voice again, taunting and cold.

"_Yeah, we just took a little detour." _

I saw the deserted street in his head, he and another at one end and two more in the distance, with Bella in the middle.

"_Stay away from me."_ My heart ached at the fear in her small voice.

"_Don't be like that, sugar."_ He yelled to her again as they began cornering her, like animals.

_I bet she's so tight…I'll have her first, maybe second too, for good measure…_

"God damn it!" I screamed, rigid with fury. I would tear them all limb from limb, rip out their throats, break every finger they wanted to touch her with. I would make them suffer for this. My breathing became erratic as I sensed they were close, my foot was practically through the floor of my car as the engine roared. I could smell the rubber peeling off the tires as I rounded the corner into the alley.

In my headlights I saw Bella frozen on the sidewalk, her arms out in front of her as they gathered around her. I drove straight for one of them, my sole intent being to smash his worthless body into the pavement. His head spun to look at me.

_What the fu—_

I didn't hear the rest as he jumped back onto the sidewalk as the rest of them scattered. Bella instantly jumped forward into the street.

I knew in that second I had to decide if I would destroy the detestable creatures that I so eagerly wanted to, or take Bella from here. It wasn't easy but I made my choice; I spun my car around next to Bella and opened the door.

"Get in," my voice was hard with rage.

As soon as her body made contact with the seat I was off, speeding toward the bastards in the alley. I wished so badly that they wouldn't move and I could have the pleasure of separating their legs from their bodies, but they all scattered like the cockroaches they were.

I kept driving out of the alley and down towards the harbor.

"Put on your seat belt." I ordered. I was driving incredibly fast. I heard the click and pushed the gas harder.

"Are you ok?" her voice was ragged.

"No."

I couldn't look at her, knowing my expression would terrify her. I just stared straight ahead as I sped down the highway. Even knowing she was safely in my car, I wanted nothing more than to turn around and savagely murder those men. I began to doubt if I made the right choice. It seemed a small price to pay, having Bella know my secret, if I could've stopped their lungs from wasting precious oxygen.

It wasn't until we were out of town that I finally stopped the car on the dark road. I spoke, carefully controlling my anger.

"Bella?"

"Yes?" her voice still hoarse.

"Are you alright?" _Please tell me they didn't hurt you. _

"Yes."

"Distract me, please." _Or I will turn this car around and you will witness something that will give you nightmares for eternity. Annihilate doesn't even begin to cover what I will do to those men._

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Just prattle about something unimportant until I calm down." I pinched the bridge of nose in desperation.

"Um," she paused awkwardly, "I'm going to run over Tyler Crowley tomorrow before school?"

I felt a very slight movement on my lips, "Why?"

"He's telling everyone that he's taking me to prom—either he's insane or he's still trying to make up for almost killing me last…well, you remember it, and he thinks _prom_ is somehow the correct way to do this. So I figure if I endanger his life, then we're even, and he can't keep trying to make amends. I don't need enemies and maybe Lauren would back off if he left me alone. I might have to total his Sentra. If he doesn't have a ride he can't take anyone to prom…" she trailed off as I opened my mouth to respond.

"I heard about that." I just couldn't say _how_ I heard it.

"_You_ did?" she sounded mad now. "If he's paralyzed from the neck down, he can't go to prom, either."

I breathed out heavily and opened my eyes again.

"Better?"

"Not really." I was still seething as I leaned back on the headrest and looked at the ceiling.

"What's wrong?" her voice was small again.

_What's wrong?_ My thoughts flared._ What's wrong? What's wrong is that you were almost raped!_ I instantly envisioned Rose the night Carlisle came home with her. The bruises, the blood; all pain she had endured. They had broken her._ What's wrong is that those men almost destroyed you. What's wrong is that I want to go back, make them beg for death, smash their skulls in- obliterate them completely, but I can't! I cannot let you see me do such a dreadful thing. Damn it, Bella!_

But I couldn't say that. I didn't want to scare the hell out of her.

"Sometimes I have a problem with my temper, Bella." I explained. "But it _wouldn't_ be helpful for me to turn around and hunt down those—." I stopped short, trying to reign in my fury, "At least that's what I'm trying to convince myself."

"Oh." It was silent for a while before she spoke again. "Jessica and Angela will be worried. I was supposed to meet them."

In the melee I'd forgotten her friends. I didn't want to part from her right now. If she left me, I would without a doubt go back and commit four murders. I quickly devised a plan to keep her with me for the rest of evening.

Without another word, I turned around I headed back to Port Angeles.


	12. Chapter 12

Driving back I had convinced myself I'd done the right thing and now I had to calm down, so as not to frighten Bella. By the time we arrived I had decided to take her dinner. As we drove into town, I heard Angela's thoughts. I neared the restaurant I had seen in her mind.

_It's almost seven o'clock, I hope she's alright. _

I parked in front of La Bella Italia as she and Jessica were just walking by.

"How did you know where…?" Bella's voice trailed off as she stared out the window.

I opened my door. Bella turned quickly to me.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm taking you to dinner." I tried to smile, but I think she saw through it.

I got out and waited as she fumbled with her seatbelt, finally freeing herself and meeting me on the sidewalk.

"Go stop Jessica and Angela before I have to track them down, too. I don't think I could restrain myself if I ran into your other friends again." The fury poured from my words.

Bella's eyes widened slightly before she turned and yelled to them. She waved as they turned around and came back to us.

_Thank God she's ok, I was getting so worried…wait, who is…Edward Cullen? _

Angela still looked relieved, regardless of her surprise at my being there.

_Edward Cullen! Did she call him or something? Are they dating? What the heck is going on?_

"Where have you been?" Jessica's curiosity had a hard edge to it.

"I got lost, and then I ran into Edward."

_Just ran into him… god, I wish I was that lucky. _

I decided to break in as politely as possible, staring directly at Bella's friends. I let my voice soften considerably.

"Would it be aright if I joined you?" I asked, knowing full well they were done already.

Jessica's eyes glistened as she attempted to speak aloud.

_Holy cow…uh…_ "Er…sure."

"Um, actually, Bella, we already ate while we were waiting—sorry." Angela looked guilty.

"That's fine—I'm not hungry." Bella dismissed the idea. But I was not letting her go that easily; she needed to eat. And I needed her company or I was going to commit a felony.

"I think you should eat something." I told her forcefully. I turned back to Jessica.

"Do you mind if I drive Bella home tonight? That way you won't have to wait while she eats."

"Um, no problem, I guess…" she looked over at Bella. _Oh my gosh, he is taking her out. I can't believe it, I'm so jealous._

"Okay, see you tomorrow Bella, Edward." Angela's voice cut in. _I'm so happy for her, he seems really sweet. Wow…_

We watched them go and Bella turned to me.

"Honestly, I'm not that hungry." 

"Humor me." I did not leave room for her to argue as we walked into the restaurant.

I walked up to the hostess, "A table for two?"

She looked up into my eyes and paused momentarily as she gawked, always the predictable human. Her eyes glanced over Bella quickly before walking us to the table.

_Hmmm…what's the story her? Girlfriend? No No way; he isn't even touching her. Definitely his sister. Damn, I wish I wore my push-up today…_

In my current state, I truly didn't have the patience for her. Plus, she sat us in the middle of the room and that would not do. I stopped Bella from sitting and turned back to her, "Perhaps something more private?" I asked firmly but quietly, sliding a fifty into her palm.

_Ahh, I could listen to that voice all…whoa…what the—is he for real? A fifty? Who is this guy?_

"Sure," we walked over to a quiet table, "how's this?"

"Perfect." I smiled widely. The hostess blinked rapidly.

"Um—your server will be right out." Her voice wavered.

We sat as Bella shook her head, smiling, "You really shouldn't do that to people, its hardly fair."

"Do what?" I was shocked; I felt I was completely respectful and discreet with the hostess.

"Dazzle them like that—she's probably hyperventilating in the kitchen right now."

_Dazzle? _

"Oh, come on, you have to know the effect you have on people." She pressed.

I knew I could be convincing, maybe even flirtatious I suppose, if that's what she meant. But I'd never heard the term 'dazzle' before and I'd been around a while.

"I dazzle people?"

"You haven't noticed? Do you think everybody gets their way so easily?" Bella seemed unconvinced.

"Do I dazzle you?" I couldn't help myself; I wanted to know if I affected her even in the slightest way.

"Frequently." She confessed.

My dead heart soared.

_Holy Crap! Megan wasn't kidding; this guy is phenomenal. _

Unfortunately, our waitress had walked over; her thinking clearly along the same lines as the hostess. I groaned internally when she looked only at me as she spoke.

"Hello my name is Amber, and I'll be your server tonight. What can I get you to drink?"

"I'll have a Coke." Bella ordered first. I heard Amber write it down, trying to extend her time next to me apparently.

_Ugh! I'm giving him my smoldering sex eyes…what gives?_

"Two Cokes," I looked only at Bella.

"I'll be right back with that."

I watched Bella until she caught my eyes. "What?"

Honestly I was worried about her, afraid she was in shock or she was going to suddenly break down. I would totally understand if she did; she was just involved in a rather traumatic event.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine."

"You don't feel dizzy, sick, cold…?" I was concerned. Her reaction was not normal so far.

"Should I?"

I laughed; it was like she was reading _my_ mind.

"Well, I'm actually waiting for you to go into shock." I smiled and was surprised to hear her breathing hitch for moment. Was she going to into shock now?

"I don't think that will happen, I've always been very good at repressing unpleasant things."

_Well that isn't very healthy Bella…_

"Just the same, I will feel better when you have some sugar and food in you."

Amber returned with breadsticks and the soda. She took Bella's order and left again.

"Drink."

She didn't realize how much she needed it; I could see that plainly as she sipped slowly at first but didn't stop. I pushed my cup towards her as well, thankful I didn't have to consume it.

"Thanks." Bella shivered suddenly. It was then I finally saw her, taking her all in, since this night began. Her skin was covered in goose bumps; she was wearing only a thin top and jeans.

"Are you cold?"

"It's just the Coke."

"Don't you have a jacket?" I didn't like how unprepared she was for the elements. Her body was fragile.

"Yes." She looked down, a frown forming on her face. "Oh—I left it in Jessica's car."

Instantly, I was out of mine. I handed it to her across the table.

"Thanks," she smiled.

She worked her cold arms into my jacket. It was entirely too large on her; her hands momentarily disappeared past the cuffs and the collar came up to the middle of her full cheeks. I couldn't look away from her. She looked so incredibly..._adorable_. Be it that I was staring, I noticed the color of the shirt she wore now too: a deep blue.

"That color blue looks lovely with your skin." I murmured.

She dropped her eyes and blushed, only causing me to stare harder. We both needed a distraction. I moved the breadsticks towards her.

"Really, I'm not going into shock," she argued.

"You should be—a normal person would be. You don't even look shaken."_ Hell, I'm still shaken. _I admitted to myself as I looked into her eyes intently. She didn't even know how close she came to harm today, what I would've done to those men if they'd so much as touched her, and what I could've done to her if I lost control in that alley. The whole idea terrified me.

"I feel very safe with you."

The words both comforted and depressed me. I frowned because I knew if she was aware of the horrific truth, she would leave me. She would get up and run and I wouldn't stop her.

"This is more complicated than I'd planned." I spoke more to myself than her.

She started chewing a breadstick. "Usually you're in a better mood when your eyes are so light."

The comment came out so blasé, so matter-of-fact; I almost thought I'd heard her wrong. But no, my hearing was perfect and Bella's sense of perception was uncanny. I was shocked by her pronouncement to say the least.

"What?"

"You're always crabbier when your eyes are black—I expect it then. I have a theory about that."

_Dear Lord…_"More theories?"

"Mm-hm."

"I hope you were more creative this time…or are you still stealing from comic books?" I teased, trying to deflect my discomfort.

"Well, no, I didn't get it from a comic book, but I didn't come up with it on my own, either." She hedged.

"And?" I wanted so much to know where she was headed; I could barely stand the suspense.

Amber walked over to set Bella's ravioli down. It smelled horrid; I fought the urge to make a face as she turned to me expectantly asking if I wanted anything. I told her no and she left, annoyed at my refusal in more ways then one. I turned back to Bella.

"You were saying?"

"I'll tell you about it in the car. If…"

"There are conditions?" I asked darkly as though I would resist. As if I could. Bella didn't understand I would agree to anything she asked; just so I could know what she was thinking.

"I do have a few questions, of course."

"Of course."

"Well, go ahead." I didn't have a clue as to what she wanted from me.

"Why are you in Port Angeles?"

_Ok, maybe not anything._

"Next."

Her shock was obvious. "But that's the easiest one."

"Next." I insisted.

She didn't speak as she started to eat, finally looking back up with a hard glare.

"Okay, then. Let's say, hypothetically of course, that…someone…could know what people are thinking, read minds, you know—with a few exceptions."

I tried to keep my composure as I attempted to comprehend what she was saying. Did she know somehow? Why would she ever say something like this? As always; I spoke quickly, too comfortable in her presence to edit myself correctly.

"Just _one_ exception," _Idiot! , "_hypothetically." I corrected myself.

"All right, with one exception then," Her eyes were alight with excitement, but she kept her features still.

"How does that work? What are the limitations? How would…that someone…find someone else at exactly the right time? How would he know she was in trouble?" She rambled.

Dear god, I had opened the floodgates with her. I cursed myself silently for being so obvious. But how could I not have saved her? I couldn't live with myself if I'd let her come to harm. When I put it in perspective like that it didn't seem so unreasonable. I felt so at ease with her; more so than with any other person, _ever._

"Hypothetically?"

"Sure."

"Well, if…that someone…"

She cut me off, "Let's call him 'Joe'."

I smiled, "Joe, then. If Joe had been paying attention, the timing wouldn't have needed to be quite so exact," I paused, highly frustrated as I thought back to an hour ago…if only I hadn't been so distracted, "only you could get into trouble in a town this small. You would have devastated their crime rate statistics for a decade, you know."

"We were speaking of a hypothetical case." Her expression was one of annoyance, but to me it was more delightful than anything else. I felt myself chuckle.

"Yes, we were. Shall I call you Jane?"

"How did you know?"

Her expression was soft again as she leaned across the small table towards me. Her warmth and beauty overpowered me momentarily. My heart felt heavy with the secret I kept from her. So badly I wanted to lay it all out for her, but how could she ever accept it? She wouldn't. I would never deserve her.

"You can trust me, you know." She whispered.

I saw her hand move slightly towards mine. I resisted the urge to move to her. I wanted to, so badly, but instead slid mine away. She stopped.

"I don't know if I have a choice anymore," my voice barely audible, "I was wrong—you're much more observant than I gave you credit for." That was the truth, part of it. I couldn't go further with this.

"I thought you were always right?" Her eyebrows rose; goading me.

"I used to be. I was wrong about you on one other thing, as well. You're not a magnet for accidents—that's not a broad enough classification. You are a magnet for trouble. If there is anything dangerous within a ten-mile radius, it will invariably find you."

Her face was smooth again, "And you put yourself into that category?"

My heart dropped at the basic truth in her words. Of all the dangers to Bella, I was the worst.

"Unequivocally." I felt my features harden in defense; mostly due to the confirmation again of what I was, of the danger I posed, of the fact that never in a thousand years would Bella ever think of me the way I wanted her to.

A second later, her small fingers reached out, touching my cold, dead hand. Even though I'd not missed the motion of her hand, and even though I had moved once again to avoid it, she persisted. Her mortal warmth radiated through my hand and up my arm. I relished in the contact.

"Thank you. That's twice now." The sincerity in her voice was indisputable.

Suddenly my pessimism wavered. Could she want me around? Maybe she enjoyed my company? All I wanted was to be near her, to protect her.

"Let's not try for three, agreed?" I unwillingly took my hand from under hers; my body instantly mourned the loss of her touch. To appease it, I leaned towards her intently as I spoke. Her touch had sparked a wave of emotion and my words poured out.

"I followed you to Port Angeles. I've never tried to keep a specific person alive before, and it's much more troublesome than I would have believed. But that's probably just because it's you. Ordinary people seem to make it through the day without so catastrophes."

As I was speaking Bella's perfect lips had curved into a small smile. I wondered if she was being polite, trying to hide the fact that she was horrified that I'd just admitted to basically stalking her. I wished I knew.

"Did you ever think that maybe my number was up the first time, with the van, and that you've been interfering with fate?"

My eyes dropped as guilt overwhelmed me, "That wasn't the first time. Your number was up the first time I met you. You remember?" Even I couldn't believe I was bringing up my deplorable behavior.

"Yes."

"And yet here you sit." Why she ever talked to me again was a complete mystery, I still couldn't believe it.

"Yet, here I sit…because of you. Because somehow you knew how to find me today…?"

She was a persistent little thing. I paused only momentarily before moving forward.

"You eat, I'll talk." She obeyed silently.

"It's harder than it should be—keeping track of you. Usually I can find someone very easily, once I've heard their mind before." I paused as I looked up at her nervously. She had stopped chewing and then swallowed hard; I practically saw the outline of an entire ravioli slide down her slender throat. I waited for the disbelief, the terror, but it never came so I continued.

"I was keeping tabs on Jessica, not carefully—like I said; only you could find trouble in Port Angeles—and at first I didn't notice you took off on your own. Then when I realized that you weren't with her anymore, I went looking for you at the bookstore I saw in her head. I could tell that you hadn't gone in, and that you'd gone south…and I knew you would have to turn around soon. So I was just waiting for you, randomly searching through the thoughts of people on the street—to see if anyone had noticed you so I would know where you were. I had no reason to be worried…but I was strangely anxious…" I stared past Bella as I spoke. "I started to drive in circles, still…listening. The sun was finally setting, and I was about to get out and follow you on foot. And then—"

My voice was cut off as my perfect memory battered me with the thoughts of those savage men just a short while before. The anger exploded in me and my hands smashed together so hard it felt as though they would crack.

Bella's concerned voice broke through my anger slightly, "Then what?"

"I heard what they were thinking," I couldn't suppress the growl that escaped through my teeth. "I saw your face in his mind." Again my voice failed me as rage enveloped me. I moved forward and quickly covered my face with my hand, knowing my eyes had become solid black. "It was very…hard—you can't imagine how hard—for me to simply take you away and leave them…alive. I could have let you go with Jessica and Angela, but I was afraid if you left me alone, I would go looking for them."

My head was still down and I heard Bella's heart increase slightly at my confession, but she remained silent.

I finally raised my head, "Are you ready to go home?"

"I'm ready to leave," she said quietly. The deeper meaning of her words was not lost on me.

I paid the bill and we got up to leave. I followed Bella out and she sighed softly and I again resented that I didn't know her thoughts.

Bella still wore my coat but I turned on the heat full blast for her anyway. I was turning the car around as I heard her inhale sharply. In my periphery I noticed her holding the collar of my jacket up to her nose with a small smile gracing her face. I pretended not to see as we headed back toward Forks, choosing instead silent elation.


	13. Chapter 13

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**Happy Reading!**

Minutes passed before I decided to have my turn with the questions. I was done giving up all my secrets; I had already risked too much. _Just keep your mouth shut! _I chastised myself.

"Now it's your turn."

"Can I ask just one more?"

The pleading in her voice made me turn and my will crumbled to nothing the second I saw her beautiful face looking up at mine. Who was I kidding? I would give her anything she wanted. I sighed, hoping I wouldn't regret my next words.

"One." I conceded.

"Well…you said you knew I hadn't gone into the bookstore, and that I had gone south. I was just wondering how you knew that."

And regret I did; it was a hard answer to give without embarrassing her or giving away more information than I'd like to.

"I thought we were past all the evasiveness," she coaxed me.

"Fine, then. I followed your scent." _Happy now, Bella?_

She remained quiet and I thought she was done, finally.

"And then you didn't answer one of my first questions…"

I frowned at her, "Which one?"

"How does it work—the mind reading thing? Can you read anybody's mind, anywhere? How do you do it? Can the rest of your family…?"

"That's more than one," I noted as she trailed off. I watched as she folded her hands politely in her lap and gave me _the_ look again; that wonderfully irresistible face that made my stomach tighten and my lungs constrict. She had _no_ idea what she did to me. I answered again, without thinking.

"No, it's just me. And I can't hear anyone, anywhere. I have to be fairly close. The more familiar someone's… 'voice' is, the farther away I can hear them. But still, no more than a few miles." I tried to think of a good way to explain the process to her. "It's a little like being in a huge hall filled with people, everyone talking at once. It's just a hum—a buzzing of voices in the background. Until I focus on one voice, and then what they're thinking is clear. Most of the time I can tune it all out—it can be very distracting. And then it's easier to seem _normal_," I hated that word, "when I'm not accidentally answering someone's thoughts rather than their words."

"Why do you think you can't hear me?"

_I wish I knew, you are like no other person in this world. _"I don't know, the only guess is that your mind doesn't work the same way the rest of theirs do. Like your thoughts are on the AM frequency and I'm only getting FM." I smiled at the analogy and then at her.

She didn't look as amused, "My mind doesn't work right? I'm a freak?"

"I hear voices in my mind and you're worried that you're the freak." I laughed at the absurdity of it all. "Don't worry, it's just a theory...which brings us back to you."

She sighed but didn't respond.

"Aren't we past all evasions now?"

She looked away from me and suddenly her heartbeat became erratic, "Holy crow, slow down!"

Flustered, I looked over to her, "What's wrong?"

"You're going a hundred miles an hour!"

"Relax Bella."

"Are you trying to kill us?" She was still shouting.

_Of all the ridiculous…_ "We're not going to crash."

"Why are you in such a rush?"

"I always drive like this." I turned to her again to smile, hoping it would appease her.

"Keep your eyes on the road!"

_Guess not._

"I've never been in an accident, Bella—I've never even gotten a ticket. Built in radar detector." I motioned to my head and smiled again.

"Very funny. Charlie's a cop, remember? I was raised to abide by traffic laws. Besides, if you turn us into a Volvo pretzel around a tree trunk, you can probably just walk away."

She made a good point.

"Probably," I conceded grimly, "but you can't." I let off the gas as the car slowed. "Happy?"

"Almost."

"I hate driving slow."

"This is slow?" She was incredulous as her eyes watched the speedometer linger on eighty.

"Enough commentary on my driving, I'm still waiting for your latest theory." I was desperate to know. "I won't laugh."

"I'm more afraid that you'll be angry with me?"

_Oh no._ "Is it that bad?" 

"Pretty much, yeah."

"Go ahead."

"I don't know how to start."

"Why don't you start at the beginning…you said you didn't come up with on your own."

"No." Her hesitation was making me anxious now. _Oh Bella, come on. Out with it! _

"What got you started—a book? A movie?"

"No—it was Saturday, at the beach."

I was confused. How could a sunny day at First Beach with a hoard of teens give her an idea about me? Unless it was one of them who told her something, but even so, they knew nothing.

"I ran into an old family friend—Jacob Black. His dad and Charlie have been friends since I was baby."

I was still puzzled as I kept my eyes on the road. She continued slowly, "His dad is one of Quileute elders."

I barely noticed when her voice stopped; my thoughts in a tailspin now. I knew my face was giving me away; my expression stuck in place.

My heart was sinking as she began again, "We went for a walk and he was telling me some the old legends—trying to scare me, I think. He told me one…" she paused, as if unsure to keep going. I knew what was coming, I just knew it. She just had to confirm it.

"Go on."

"About vampires," her voice was a whisper, but I heard it loud and clear. That word passing over her lips was sinful, like a curse. My hands contracted around the steering wheel. Maybe it was just one word to her, but to me it felt like a malicious accusation; a judgment. I had to say something; maybe I could make her doubt herself. I loathed the idea of her thinking of me in such a way.

"And you immediately thought of me?" It came out half-hearted at best. I was done for.

"No. He…mentioned your family."

_God Damn It! _ I just stared straight ahead.

"He just thought it was a silly superstition. He didn't expect me to think anything of it." She sounded panicked. "It was my fault, I forced him to tell me."

"Why?" My voice hard.

"Lauren said something about you—she was trying to provoke me. And an older boy from the tribe said your family didn't come to the reservation, only it sounded like he meant something different. So I got Jacob alone and I tricked it out of him."

That distracted me as I laughed aloud. _She tricked a Quileute? Little Bella Swan?_

"Tricked him how?"

"I tried to flirt—it worked better than I thought it would."

"I'd like to have seen that," I had to laugh again, "and you accuse me of dazzling people—poor Jacob Black."

Bella turned to look out the window but I felt the heat of her blush in the small space, teasing me. My attention was diverted only momentarily.

"What did you do then?"

"I did some research on the Internet."

_Ugh…she Googled vampires? This just gets better and better. _"And did that convince you?" I kept my voice calm but I could not release the wheel from my tight grip.

"No. Nothing fit. Most of it was kind of silly. And then…"

I practically swore aloud in frustration. Why did she always trail off like that?

"What?" My tone was impatient.

"I decided it didn't matter." Her voice was very soft.

"It didn't _matter_?" I was dumbstruck; surely I'd heard that comment incorrectly. Either that, or Bella Swan was crazy, or she was lying. There was no way a human wouldn't care—absolutely impossible. I couldn't decide if I was more incredulous or mad right now.

"No, it doesn't matter to me what you are." She repeated.

_Right, I'm sure. _"You don't care if I'm a monster? If I'm not _human_?" I sneered.

"No." She stood her ground.

I said no more as I realized what had just happened.

Bella knew.

In some sort of twisted way I felt the most amazing sense of freedom, as if a heavy burden was lifted from me. But there was something else too, something stronger; the realization that my secret, the one I'd kept for decades, was revealed. It was terrifying and nauseating and infuriating all at once; I didn't want to lose her over this. I didn't want her in danger over this. And I didn't want to hurt my family over this.

"You're angry. I shouldn't have said anything."

"No, I'd rather know what you're thinking—even if what you're thinking is insane." It really _was_ insane, she had no clue. If she understood, she would throw herself out of the car right this second.

"So I'm wrong again?"

"That's not what I was referring to. 'It doesn't matter'!" Just the idea of it made me mad again.

"I'm right?" Her wide eyes and sharp intake of air only strengthened my feelings.

It took a moment, but I finally realized why I was so upset. Even though the words should've been a comfort to me, they weren't. Instead they felt like a mockery; Bella didn't understand what she was dealing with. When she finally did, she would leave me and worse yet, be scared of me. She wouldn't see _me_ anymore; only the monster. Maybe this was the punishment for my sins; to lose the one person I cared for deeply. The one person that I needed, that I wanted…

"Does it _matter_?" I challenged her, trying to defend myself from the inevitable.

She took a deep breath.

I held mine.

"Not really…but I am curious."

_That was unexpected_.

Suddenly the tension dissipated from my body when I realized she wasn't running yet. Maybe I had assumed incorrectly—for now.

"What are you curious about?" _To hell with it…what else could I possibly say worse than the fact I'm a bloodsucking vampire?_

"How old are you?"

_Easy._

"Seventeen."

"And how long have you been seventeen?"

I fought a smile; she was no fool. "A while."

"Okay." I could hear the smile in her voice.

I looked down at her, trying to decide if she was possibly losing her mind right there in my passenger seat, but it seemed she was alright. Again she looked up at me with her big eyes and grinned even wider. My defenses shook at the sight her sincere expression.

"Don't laugh—but how can you come out during the daytime?"

I couldn't hold back the laugh, "Myth."

"Burned by the sun?"

"Myth."

"Sleeping in coffins?"

"Myth." _I wish it weren't_—"I can't sleep."

"At all?"

"Never."

I turned to her with a desperate look. Her lips parted slightly as she comprehended my words and I caught her eyes for a long moment until finally breaking eye contact.

"You haven't asked me the most important question yet." I couldn't help the edge that accompanied my comment. If everything so far didn't scare her, this surely would. I could feel my expression harden again at the thought.

"Which one is that?" She asked, confused.

"You aren't concerned about my diet?" The sarcasm in my voice was heavy.

"Oh, that." 

"Yes, that. Don't you want to know if I drink blood?"

She shuddered slightly. "Well, Jacob said something about that."

_Great. _I was really starting to dislike Jacob Black."What did Jacob say?"

"He said you didn't…hunt people. He said your family wasn't supposed to be dangerous because you only hunted animals."

"He said we weren't dangerous?" I highly doubted such a thing.

"Not exactly. He said you weren't supposed to be dangerous. But the Quiletues still didn't want you on their land, just in case."

I couldn't believe what Bella knew already, and found it even more amazing that she knew this and _still_ went to dinner with me. Was it possible that she really didn't care? Could I dare to hope it? Her voice broke through my thoughts.

"So was he right? About not hunting people?" There was a slight concern detectable in her voice.

"The Quileutes have a long memory," I spoke softly, "Don't let that make you complacent, though. They're right to keep their distance from us. We are still dangerous."

"I don't understand."

"We try. We're usually very good at what we do. Sometimes we make mistakes. Me, for example, allowing myself to be alone with you." I had to be honest with her, needing her to understand the import of this point.

"This is a mistake?"

The sadness in her voice tugged at my hollow heart.

"A very dangerous one," I spoke softly, hoping it would sound less harsh, but she had to understand the risk.

She quickly looked straight ahead and sat in complete silence, her expression unreadable. I wondered what she thought, what she was feeling. Did she want to leave? Would she see me again? If she never spoke to me again after this night I would be crushed.

"Tell me more." She begged.

There was intensity to her voice that sent a shock through me, like she was clinging onto my words for dear life. I turned and looked at her stricken expression.

"What more do you want to know?" _Anything for you Bella._

"Tell me why you hunt animals instead of people?" Her eyes glistened as she spoke, unshed tears danced on her lids.

"I don't _want_ to be a monster." I whispered.

"But animals aren't enough?"

I spoke with absolute, unabashed honesty. She had stripped me bare and I could hide nothing from her now. There was a depth, an unspoken emotion, to our conversation now that was all new to me.

"I can't be sure, of course, but I'd compare it to living on tofu and soy milk; we call ourselves vegetarians, our little inside joke. It doesn't completely satiate the hunger—or rather thirst. But it keeps us strong enough to resist. Most of the time," I paused, contemplating how close her exquisite blood was to me right now, "Sometimes it's more difficult than others."

"Is it very difficult now?" Her voice was concerned.

"Yes." _You don't even know._

"But you're not hungry now."

"Why do you think that?"

"Your eyes. I told you I had a theory. I've noticed that people—men in particular—are crabbier when they're hungry."

"You are observant, aren't you?" I laughed at her simple logic; it was quite true.

"Were you hunting this weekend, with Emmett?"

"Yes." I wanted to continue, but I wasn't sure. Should tell her I thought of her every second? "I didn't want to leave, but it was necessary. It's a bit easier to be around you when I'm not thirsty."

"Why did you not want to leave?"

_Because I care for you more than I have for anyone else. Because I'm falling for you despite the fact it's wrong, and selfish and dangerous…_

I looked at her, my eyes burning, trying to find words less intense than what I felt.

"It makes me…anxious…to be away from you. I wasn't joking when I asked you not to fall in the ocean or get run over last Thursday. I was distracted all weekend, worrying about you. After what happened tonight, I'm surprised that you did make it through a whole weekend unscathed." It was then I noticed the scrapes healing on her delicate hands. "Well, not totally unscathed."

"What?"

"Your hands." I pointed.

"I fell."

"That's what I thought," I felt a smile creep across my lips, "I suppose, being you, it could've been so much worse—that possibility tormented me the entire time I was away. It was a very long three days. I really got on Emmett's nerves."

"Three days? Didn't you just get back today?"

"No, we got back Sunday."

"Then why weren't any of you in school?" She frowned.

I was surprised by the anger in her voice, not understanding why it was there.

"Well, you asked if the sun hurt me, and it doesn't. But I can't go out in the sunlight—at least, not where anyone can see."

"Why?"

"I'll show you sometime."

"You might have called me." She offered finally.

"But I knew you were safe."

"But I didn't know where you were. I—" she stopped again, her eyes averted mine.

"What?"

"I didn't like it. Not seeing you. It makes anxious, too," her voice soft as the most delicate pink blanketed her cheeks.

Something unfamiliar rippled through my gut at her words, I was torn between the thrill of her confession and the direness of the situation.

"Ah," my voice was pained, "this is wrong."

"What did I say?"

"Don't you see Bella? It's one thing for me to make myself miserable, but a wholly other thing for you to be so involved." My eyes moved back to road as I pleaded with her. "I don't want to hear you feel that way. It's wrong. It's not safe. I'm dangerous, Bella—please, grasp that."

"No," she whined.

"I'm serious," my voice was harsh, straining for her to listen to me.

"So am I. I told you, it doesn't matter what you are. It's too late." She argued defensively.

"Never say that." The words rushed out before I could calm myself and I instantly regretted how cold they sounded.

Next to me, Bella was silent. I slowly turned to look at her, trying to will the thoughts from her head.

"What are you thinking?" My voice was strained.

She did not respond. Suddenly the smell of her scent mixed with salt filled the car.

_Oh no. Please don't._

"Are you crying?" I was horrified at myself, feeling more like a true monster in this moment than I ever had in my life. I wanted so badly to comfort her, to take it all back. My hand slowly moved to touch her but I stopped myself. I just couldn't trust myself that way, not in such close proximity to her. Her weeping only concentrated her scent around me and if she reciprocated the touch, it would be too much for me to bear.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, pained.

A minute passed between us before I spoke again. I had to change the subject.

"Tell me something," I tried to shake the tension from my voice.

"Yes."

"What were you thinking tonight, just before I came around the corner? I couldn't understand your expression—you didn't look that scared, you looked like you were concentrating very hard on something."

She shrugged slightly, "I was trying to remember how to incapacitate an attacker—you know, self-defense. I was going to smash his nose into his brain."

I was quite disturbed by this piece of information, "You were going to fight them? Didn't you think about running?"

"I fall down a lot when I run."

"What about screaming for help?"

"I was getting to that part."

_Oh Bella, what am I going to do you with you?_

"You were right—I'm definitely fighting fate trying to keep you alive."

She didn't argue with that but instead turned to me quickly.

"Will I see you tomorrow?" Her tone left no question as to the answer she wanted from me.

I couldn't help but smile at that.

"Yes—I have a paper due, too. I'll save you a seat at lunch."

We were nearing her home now. The drive took longer than I expected due to the speed enforcement by Bella. We stopped in front her home. Charlie's thoughts were instantaneous.

_Bella must be back. Early too. She's such a good girl._

I couldn't disagree, although I would use much stronger words than 'good'. I looked at her as her hand stopped at the door handle.

"Do you promise to be there tomorrow?" She pressed. Her persistence thrilled me.

"I promise," my tone was serious.

She started to pull off my jacket and inhaled again deeply, barely hiding it this time.

"You can keep it—you don't have a jacket for tomorrow."

She handed it to me anyway.

"I don't want to have to explain to Charlie."

"Oh, right."

She turned back to the door. 

"Bella?"

"Yes."

"Will you promise me something?"

"Yes," she responded quickly.

I thought of the day I watched her alone in the forest. She didn't realize the dangers that lurked there.

"Don't go into the woods alone."

Confusion flashed across her face. "Why?"

My gaze moved away from her to the darkness beyond. "I'm not always the most dangerous thing out there. Let's leave it at that."

"Whatever you say."

_I wonder what's taking so long. Probably girl talk…_

"I'll see you tomorrow." She had to leave or else Charlie would start getting suspicious I was sure.

"Tomorrow, then."

As she turned to open the door I leaned towards her, as close I dared.

"Bella?"

Her exquisite face turned back to face mine. We were mere inches apart. I couldn't breathe as I looked into her eyes.

"Sleep well," I spoke in my softest tone.

Her expression lost focus for a moment and she blinked rapidly before stepping out awkwardly. I laughed softly at the sight her stumbling around, finally making it to her front door.

_I definitely got her. _

I smiled the whole way home.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: I just wanted to thank all of you wonderful readers out there who've been reviewing and putting this story on alert and favorites your support means the world to me! **

**Happy Reading! **

As I turned into my driveway and stopped; I sighed and looked over at my coat on the seat next to me. My eyes narrowed at it; I was practically jealous of the stupid thing for being able to comfort Bella and touch her so completely. It was something so basic, but I couldn't do it, or at least I was afraid to do it.

From the other seat I could smell that her essence had permeated the material of it and suddenly this simple item was my favorite piece of clothing. My hands trembled in anticipation of what I was going to do. I held the jacket up to my face and inhaled slowly.

My body shuddered violently, letting go of the restraint I'd held onto all night. Her scent was electrifying, igniting my senses and causing my throat to burst into flame. I tasted venom and my eyes hardened under fluttering lids before I pulled the fabric away. I leaned back as I closed my eyes and ran my hands through my hair.

The sensations running through me were so primal they frightened me. How did I stand it tonight, alone with her in the car for so long? Somehow I didn't hurt her. Maybe I could possibly enjoy her marvelous scent without actually harming her. Her blood would always appeal to me, but she herself—her whole being, was so much _more_ than just appealing to me.

Shaking off my thoughts I walked inside, hoping I would get to play tonight.

Esme and Carlisle were cuddled on the couch, watching _Arsenic and Old Lace_. Cary Grant was Esme's favorite. Carlisle never said it out loud but he was a little jealous.

"Hello," I waved quickly as I passed them in the living room.

_Living room_. The irony was not lost on me and I chuckled as I walked to the piano.

Lifting the bench, I pulled out one of my favorite pieces, Beethoven's Sonata no.9; it was quite beautiful. I did not actually need the sheet music but it was a comforting habit I'd formed from my childhood lessons. Sitting at the bench I took a deep unnecessary breath as I tried to tune out the rest of the house. I lightly fingered the smooth keys and started. I was about two minutes in when slowly I realized the notes had begun to change.

The melody that followed began with a sorrowful edge before it expanded out around me in the most glorious way, becoming delicate and almost painfully sweet at points. The notes felt as if they were emanating from somewhere else entirely as they found release through my fingertips. I played and played for an immeasurable amount of time, lost in my fervent creation. My one and only thought was of Bella; all I saw in my mind's eye was her angelic face.

Finally, I stopped. My body slumped limply at the piano, my fingers still pressed upon the keys long after the sound was gone. I was exhausted from my effort, a feeling I hadn't experienced in nearly a century.

I didn't even hear Esme in the room until she spoke aloud.

"Edward, that was beautiful." Her voice was overcome with emotion.

_I've never heard you play like that before._

My eyes lifted to hers and I patted the bench next to me. She sat as I encircled her with my arm.

"It's for Bella." That was all I could say; it was that simple. I wasn't sure what I was saying exactly, but it felt right. Something had clicked into place for me, I just couldn't quantify it.

Esme looked at me, her expression torn.

"Oh Edward…I can't believe I didn't see it sooner. I knew something was different with you, but I didn't suspect—." Her voice short stopped as her thoughts turned guilty.

_I'm a horrible mother, I didn't support you when you tried to defend her. I wanted you to do something, anything; so she wouldn't tempt you. I was so selfish. I can't forgive myself, especially now after this…_

"Mom, stop," I smiled and rubbed her back, "its ok. You couldn't have known; you just wanted to keep us together. I didn't know I would ever feel _this_." I smiled again at that, a bit bigger then before, still not completely sure of what I felt or why. She looked at me for a moment, before reaching up with her small hands to touch my cheeks.

_I love you, son. I want you to be happy, but please be cautious.  
_

"I love you too. I will."

She got up and walked out, leaving me alone in the room. I got up with a sigh. I had a request to make and I knew it wouldn't go over well. But I had to do it now; it was only a matter of moments before Alice would know anyway.

"Rose, Alice, Jasper, Emmett… come to my room for a minute, please." I spoke softly as I walked up the steps.

They were in my room before I was.

Alice was grinning. Emmett and Rose looked annoyed; from his thoughts I noticed I had interrupted a private moment for them…I didn't need to know anymore than that. Jasper just looked calm; he was the most level-headed of them all.

"Rose, can you drive everyone in the Beemer tomorrow?"

"Why?" Her frown was suspicious now.

"I'm picking Bella up for school."

There was a second of flabbergasted silence before they reacted. Alice's hands interlocked under her chin excitedly as she jumped in place. Emmett and Rose looked angry.

_What the hell does he think he's doing?_

_Geez bro, I told you to forget her and leave this alone! _

Jasper's mouth was hanging open.

_How can he do that? Even he doesn't have perfect control. I can't even imagine how…_

"She's a _human _Edward, or have you forgotten. Come on, how long can you possibly keep your identity a secret?" Rose was glaring at me.

_About that…_

Alice was the only one who would've seen my conversation with Bella tonight; it was only a matter of time…

"She knows."

All of us spun towards Alice. She stood, unsmiling but calm.

If it were possible for a vampire to blanch; I would've. Maybe she knew it was for the best, but her logic completely escaped me at this moment.

"_WHAT_! _Are you crazy, Edward!How could you do this to us?_" Rosalie screamed. Suddenly I felt a whooshing pass by my head and then a crash against the wall. Turning, I saw it was one of my CD's, now in pieces. When I turned back, Emmett had his arms around her as she fought against him.

"I will kill you myself! How could you? She's a human! She'll tell everyone. Edward, she'll tell_…_" I stood mutely as her struggles lessened, due to Jasper's help. I could not clearly defend myself; I had broken a sacred rule.

"What is going on up here?" Carlisle and Esme were now in the doorway.

There was silence for a moment.

"Edward told Bella about us." Alice responded.

I hissed in frustration; for such a little person she had _big _mouth.

Carlisle's face was grave. Esme covered her mouth in shock.

_Edward, why would you tell her? That isn't safe for anyone. _Carlisle frowned.

"I didn't exactly _tell_ her. She actually guessed…and I didn't deny it."

"Bullcrap! You expect us to believe it was just a wild guess?" Emmett rounded on me, grabbing my arms. I growled loudly as I tried to shake him off.

"Stop it, just stop it!" Carlisle shouted; everyone froze.

"Children please. Edward, while I don't agree with what happened, I have to believe that you trust her."

"I do." I answered resolutely.

"Well, it is what it is then. We will all just have to deal with this situation the best we can." He spoke with finality on the subject.

"You can't be serious! You know Emmett and I will not support this." Rosalie turned back to me. "Edward, I'd really love to see little Bella Swan's face when you forget your strength one day and break her arm, or better yet, when she scrapes her knee and you can't stop yourself from draining her dry—I'm sure she'll be _so_ understanding." She spat, rolling her eyes.

I had expected as much from Rosalie but I still winced at the sinister tone of her words as her and Emmett walked out. I knew Emmett was upset with me but she was livid, probably for good. That was definitely going to be a problem.

"It's ok Edward, you have to do what you feel is right. You care so much for her, don't let that go to waste." Alice gently touched my shoulder.

"You know Alice, you could've spoken with me first," bitterness colored my words.

"Edward, this had to happen at some point. I figured it would be like ripping off a bandage; better if it's quick with a sting instead of slow and torturous. Besides, they'll come around in time. This is a bit overwhelming for us all."

Although I hated it, she was right; you couldn't bet against Alice—it never worked out well.

"You know Alice, with Bella; it's more than just caring that I feel…" I trailed off. Jasper and Alice both stood wide-eyed at that. He spoke first.

"Listen, I believe you—I can't not; after feeling what I did coming from you downstairs. All I have to say is be careful; I don't think I could live with you if you ever hurt this girl." I knew his words came from a loving place and couldn't be truer.

"Oh, I'm so happy for you! I've been waiting for so long to see you find a girl, I was seriously considering some sort of professional help. Oh, but Bella couldn't be sweeter. When are you going to tell her, or did you? Did I miss that somehow? Does she feel the same? How could she not? She'd be crazy not too. Oh dear, I hope she doesn't turn out to be crazy. Wait! Does she like to shop—?"

"Alice honey," Jasper cut in on her rant, "let's give Edward some downtime here, it's been quite stressful for _all_ of us." He looked at me knowingly.

_Edward, please consider this carefully; you know I just want you to be happy, but please be safe. Just remember that._

"Goodnight Edward!" Alice giggled as Jasper swiftly scooped her up and walked out.

Sitting on the couch I fought to recognize what I felt, to make sense of the emotions swimming through me. What I had insinuated to my family I didn't even know. All I knew is that I wanted nothing more than to go to her tonight; I missed her presence. I had dropped Bella home over three hours ago, surely she'd be asleep now.

So I went.

Feeling a strange excitement, I scaled the wall again to her window, climbing into it silently. My eyes quickly found her, sleeping peacefully. It didn't matter how many times I saw her, the sight always stunned me. I stood for many minutes, relishing in her beauty. My mind was in upheaval; how could this perfect creature accept me? Her words tonight seemed unreal, like a dream. I had convinced myself that as soon as she knew, she would fear me, hate me. But she didn't.

Why? How?

I couldn't wrap my head around the concept. I couldn't understand how she made me feel; it was so much stronger than before. Now I felt the tightening in my gut when I knew I would see her or the staggering pain in my chest when she smiled at me, let alone touched me. When she was away from me, there was an aching that never dulled.

Slowly, I moved to edge of her bed, my eyes gazing at her face now. I knelt on the floor, taking a strand of her soft hair between my fingers. I reveled in the small connection; my eyes never left Bella's face. Without warning, I felt an intense conviction settle over me; the sheer power of it rocked me to my core. It was all so suddenly obvious; all of this time I'd been alone I only _thought_ I was fulfilled, never wanting for anything, despite the relationships around me. Now that I saw the truth, it made all the turmoil with my family wholly worthwhile.

I couldn't be without her any longer or I couldn't _be_ at all: she was the blood that filled my empty veins, the beat for my silent heart. She was my comfort, my warmth, my breath, my taste—my _life_ in every sense of the word.

I _loved_ her.

I knew immediately what I felt now would never waver; it was concrete. The love I felt for her was pure, superceding everything, including me. I would kill for her. Die, again, for her. It was as good as written in stone upon my heart.

I slid lower to the floor; my head resting on the edge of her bed. I was feeling light-headed and my breathing was labored; I'd never felt so human. My emotions were so new, so raw. I felt naked and exposed, like I was being turned inside out.

What followed next was a crippling fear, exacerbating my already shallow breathing. What if she didn't feel the same? Alice had even asked that—did she feel the same?

_Oh God…_ how could I endure all of this, if it was unrequited? Surely I would wither away to nothing. Just the thought of it made me feel as if I was drowning. Emotions boiled inside me, rolling over my heart in waves. I shook my head as I thought of all the books I'd read, all the films and plays I'd seen about love that I thought I'd understood. I laughed darkly to myself; knowing now I had had no concept of what it was to _truly_ love someone. It was entirely different to actually experience such a thing. Words paled in comparison to such intensity.

"Too green..."

My head snapped up off the bed as Bella's voice cut through the empty space between us. She rolled slightly towards me, her hair sliding across her eyes. Not thinking, I reached out slowly. My hand trembled slightly as I tenderly lifted the fallen locks of hair that hid her from me, placing them back behind her shoulder.

Bella shifted again slightly, "Edward…"

I nearly sobbed as she spoke my name; it felt like a promise for my expectant heart.

I began to hum the song I wrote for her and I could've sworn she smiled. Finally, after hours next to her, I got up to leave, knowing it would be dawn soon and I would be back to take her to school, if she would have me…


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: I had minor issue (idiot brain!) uploading and it's resulted in a super-chapter of 5,800+ words. So you win! Happy Reading, please Review!**

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I came back home to find a grey V-neck shirt on my couch with a note attached.

_Thought you might want to look nice tomorrow. _

_-A_

I smiled to myself and tried it on; it fit quite well. Where Alice found an Armani shirt in the middle of the night I would never know, but it was a great gift. I truly appreciated her support, even if she was in the minority.

I pulled up to Bella's house a few hours later, feeling rather nervous. I heard her inside, clanking around the kitchen before the front door opened. The fog was thick and I saw her outline only when she was a few feet away from where I was. I wasn't sure she noticed the silver car but I quickly heard her heartbeat race as she finally caught sight of me. Her shocked expression amused me.

"Do you want to ride with me today?" I didn't allow much hope to come into my voice, still unsure if she was really meant what she said the night before.

"Yes, thank you." She stepped in and sat contentedly.

I got in next to her. "I brought the jacket for you. I didn't want you to get sick or something."

"I'm not quite that delicate."

"Aren't you?" I rebutted softly.

There was awkward silence between us at first and I wondered if it was due to last night.

"What, no twenty questions today?" I tried to lighten the mood.

"Do my questions bother you?"

"Not as much as your reactions do."

"Do I react badly?"

"No, that's the problem. You take everything so coolly—it's unnatural. It makes me wonder what you're really thinking." _And it drives me absolutely mad._

"I always tell you what I'm really thinking."

_Liar._ "You edit."

"Not very much."

"Enough to drive me insane."

"You don't want to hear it." Her voice was low but I heard a faint sadness to it.

My mouth went dry. What did that mean? Had she changed her mind; come to her senses? I knew I couldn't blame her if she did.

"Where's the rest of your family?" She had finally noticed the empty car.

I was grateful for the distraction. "They took Rosalie's car," I pulled in the spot next to her car in the school lot, "ostentatious isn't it?"

"Um, wow. If she has _that_, why does she ride with you?"

_Ouch…_ "Like I said, it's ostentatious. We _try_ to blend in." Of course, for a girl like Rosalie that's hard to pull that off.

"You don't succeed." She laughed. The sound of it stunned me momentarily, completely lifting my spirits. "So why did Rosalie drive today if it's more conspicuous?"

"Hadn't you noticed? I'm breaking all the rules now." I walked to the front of the car to meet her. I stayed as close to her side as I dared, hopefully she didn't mind it; I couldn't bear to be apart from her now.

_You're hopeless. _

"Why do you have cars like that at all, if you're looking for privacy?"

"An indulgence," I grinned, "we all like to drive fast."

"Figures."

_Oh. My. God. Edward Cullen drove Bella to school? And she's wearing his jacket! Did he sleep over or something?_

Jessica was waiting for Bella as we walked under the roof of the cafeteria.

"Hey Jessica, thanks for remembering." Bella took her coat that Jessica had been holding. She just stared, wide-eyed back and forth between us.

"Good morning, Jessica," I used my most friendly tone as her thoughts sputtered frantically.

…_his eyes, good lord, his eyes… and that voice…help!...can't breathe…_

"Er…hi." _Ugh, I'm such a dork._

Quickly she turned to Bella and her verbal skills returned.

"I guess I'll see you in Trig." _I want ALL the details. You are not getting off that easy…_

"Yeah I'll see you then," Bella frowned.

"What are you going to tell her?" I asked.

"Hey! I thought you couldn't read my mind."

For a second I froze, my head cocked slightly, "I can't." Then I understood. "However, I can read hers—she'll be waiting to ambush you in class."

Her frown deepened as she removed my jacket with a groan. I wished I knew what she would say to Jessica; then all my fears could be realized or quelled-either option would suffice; it was better than not knowing.

"What are you going to tell her?"

"A little help? What does she want to know?" She begged, looking up at me. I almost caved.

"That's not fair." I taunted her, grinning.

"No, you not sharing what you know—now _that's_ not fair."

_Touché._

"She wants to know if we're secretly dating. And she wants to know how you feel about me." I was yearning to know myself.

"Yikes. What should I say?" There was a hopeful lilt to her voice as she looked up—it encouraged me greatly.

"Hmmm," I gently wound a piece of her hair back into place; I just could not stop myself from touching her. When I heard her heartbeat triple, I assumed she didn't mind. "I suppose you could say yes to the first…if you don't mind—it's easier than any other explanation."

"I don't mind." Her voice was weak.

"And as for the other question…well, I'll be listening to hear the answer to that one myself." I was so excited to hear in fact I probably wouldn't notice much of anything my teachers had to say.

I smiled down at her one last time.

"See you at lunch." I called as I walked away.

I tried to listen only when I said I would, although I was tempted when I inadvertently heard Mike's voice soon after I parted from her. He would only anger me, so I tuned it out.

I was sitting in my U.S. History class listening to mindless drivel about the Spanish-American war when I heard Jessica's excited voice and quickly looked into her head to see Bella walking toward her seat.

"Tell me everything!"

"What do you want to know?" Bella looked hesitant, almost scared actually.

"What happened last night?" _Like how the hell did you end up wearing his clothes?_

"He bought me dinner, and then he drove me home."

I was glad she kept it simple.

"How did you get home so fast?" _Maybe by "dinner" she means some serious action…! Don't think I don't know what can happen in a car, Bella. That's what lumbar support is for!_

Oh no, this should be good. I wasn't sure what was more entertaining, Bella's answers or Jessica's hormonal inner monologue.

"He drives like a maniac. It was terrifying." She frowned.

I laughed aloud at that. The teacher, Mr. Bronte, turned back from the overhead, "Mr. Cullen, is there something you'd like to add?"

"No, Sir." I turned my attention back to Jessica's interrogation.

"Was it like a date—did you tell him to meet you there?"

I started twirling a pen in my fingers to distract myself form the uneasy anticipation growing in me.

"No—I was very surprised to see him there."

"But he picked you up for school today?" _Give me something! I'm dying over here!_

"Yes—that was surprise, too. He noticed I didn't have a jacket last night."

"So are you going out again?"

"He offered to drive me to Seattle Saturday because he thinks my truck isn't up to it—does that count?"

"Yes."

"Well, then, yes."

"W-o-w. Edward Cullen." _Oh man…what I wouldn't give…_

"I know." Bella sighed.

I knew Bella was only responding to Jessica's verbal comment, but mixed with her mental thoughts, Bella's agreement sounded downright seductive in my mind. The pen twisted faster in my hand.

"Wait! Has he kissed you?" _I will just die! I bet he tastes as good as he looks._

I practically choked, trying to hide it under an unpleasantly loud cough. Mr. Bronte turned again, rolling his eyes at my interruption. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.

"No, it's not like that." I thought I heard a note of disappointment in Bella's voice.

_Then how is it, Bella? He giving you all the signs…_

"Do you think Saturday…?"

"I really doubt it." The disappointment was blatant and her expression matched. I straightened up as their voices dropped noticeably. Apparently Mr. Varner had started class.

"What did you talk about?"

"I don't know, Jess, lots of stuff. We talked about the English essay a little."

We did? I barely remembered that. The whole 'You're right, I'm a vampire_'_ part of the conversation must've distracted me.

"Please, Bella. Give me some details." Jessica begged.

_It's like pulling teeth with this one. If I was with Edward freakin' Cullen, Russia would know about it already! _

"Well…ok, I've got one. You should have seen the waitress flirting with him—it was over the top. But he didn't pay any attention to her at all."

The waitress? She was nothing in comparison to Bella. I couldn't even recall her face.

"That's a good sign, was she pretty?"

"Very—and probably nineteen or twenty."

"Even better. He must like you."

Jessica didn't know how right she was.

"I _think _so, but it's hard to tell. He's always so cryptic."

"I don't know how you're brave enough to be alone with him."

I bristled at her choice of words.

"Why?" Bella was startled.

"He's so…intimidating. I wouldn't know what to say to him." Jessica's thoughts returned to this morning when she apparently forgot how to talk around me.

"I do have some trouble with incoherency when I'm around him." Bella confessed.

"Oh well. He is unbelievably gorgeous."

"There's a lot more to him than that." Bella added.

"Really? Like what?" _Does it have anything to do with the area between his belly button and his knee caps? _

_Yeah, like what Bella? _I tried to ignore Jessica's dirty thoughts as I leaned forward in my seat.

"I can't explain it right…but he's even more unbelievable behind the face." Bella now stared straight ahead.

The pen in my fingers was still spinning, probably too fast and looking rather inhuman, but I couldn't bear the suspense. It was obvious she thought well of me, plus some…

"Is that possible?" Jessica now was giggling softly. _If I even try to imagine it I will probably faint…_

"So you like him, then?"

I leaned forward at my desk, the cheap fiberboard groaned quietly under the pressure as I crushed into it.

"Yes." Bella admitted.

The pen that had been safely between my fingers suddenly disappeared from them; shooting across the room and defiantly slamming into the map on the wall; crinkling the country of Sweden. Mr. Bronte spun around, fuming; _Damn kids these days, they've got no respect!_ I slid down in my seat as students turned around looking at each other and giggling.

I quickly focused back on Jessica's voice.

"I mean, do you really like him?"

"Yes." Bella's sweet face was all I saw, a succulent blush covering every inch of it. I almost drooled at the sight of her.

"How much do you like him?"

I'd never been so grateful for Jessica's nosy persistence.

"Too much," Bella's voice was a whisper now, "more than he likes me. But I don't know see how I can help that."

As the words left her mouth, my emotions deflated instantly. How could she feel like that? It was nonsensical; the furthest thing from the truth! This would not do. It was now my singular mission to convince Bella how wrong she was. I waited for Bella as her class let out. She appeared with Jessica but parted ways quickly when she spotted me.

"Hello," I smiled down at her but my tone was off; I was irritated still at her confession. Well, at the last part of it to be exact.

"Hi." She mumbled.

We walked in silence all the way to the lunch line; well at least she was in silence. _I_ had the joy of listening to the dim-witted notions of all the teenagers in the room.

_Edward and Bella Swan? Wow…_

_She so does not deserve him…_

_Oh man, she is so hot…if I were Cullen I would never take my hands off her…_

I let out a very low growl. I softened my expression slightly before turning around to check on Bella; fearing she had heard. She didn't.

_Oh, man..Bella is so lucky…._

_Dude, I thought he was gay… _

I frowned at that as we made our way into the line. Bella was next to me fumbling with her coat as I loaded up a tray with one of each of the lunch entrees they offered, not sure of what she liked.

"What are you doing? You're not getting all that for me?" She gawked.

"Half is for me, of course." I smirked. I loved that she knew my secrets.

She followed me to our table. We sat across from each other as I pushed the tray towards her.

"Take whatever you want."

"I'm curious, what would you do if someone dared you to eat food?"

Oh, the questions she asked!

"You are always curious." I noted painfully as I stared at her. I decided to go the dramatic route. I picked up a slice of pizza and lifted it to my open mouth. Bella's eyes widened as she watched me bite off a piece and swallow it. I forced myself not to gag as the doughy substance made its way down my throat.

"Ugh…gross. What is he doing?" Only I could hear Emmett's low voice from the next table over.

"Just ignore him. He's been acting like a psycho since he met her. Don't encourage it by acknowledging him." Rosalie responded tersely.

I looked down to Bella's surprised face. "If someone dared you to eat dirt, you could, couldn't you?" I asked her, slightly annoyed now that I realized I had to cough the foul pizza back up later. Otherwise it would just sit like rock in my stomach with nowhere to go.

"I did once…on a dare. It wasn't so bad." She offered.

I had to laugh at the image that she conjured up in my mind. "I suppose I'm not surprised."

Behind Bella I noticed Jessica was running reconnaissance from across the lunchroom.

_He's smiling at her and not looking at anyone else. That's a good sign. I will have to fill her in after lunch. _

Bella noticed my distracted glance over her shoulder.

"Jessica's analyzing everything I do—she'll break it down for you later." My comment reminded me of the conversation with Jessica and the fact that Bella thought her feelings were one-sided; which was unacceptable to me.

She looked away from me as she ate. I took the opportunity to speak again while her mouth was occupied.

"So the waitress was pretty, was she?"

"You really didn't notice?" I could hear the doubt in her voice.

_Ridiculous girl!_

"No. I wasn't paying attention. I had a lot on my mind." _Following you, saving you, feeding you, keeping you from going into shock. Oh! And trying to restrain myself from killing four humans. Actually, make that five humans because of you and your insanely appealing blood! It was a busy night. _

"Poor girl." She joked, slightly uneasy. It was like she knew I was about to say something and she was anxious about it. Unfortunately for her, I wasn't going to stop until my point was made.

"Something you said to Jessica…well, it bothers me." I didn't know how to say what I wanted to; my voice was strained with emotion already.

"I'm not surprised you heard something you didn't like. You know what they say about eavesdroppers."

"I warned you I would be listening."

"And I warned you that you didn't want to know everything I was thinking." She fired back.

_Sweet Bella, you are mistaken._

"You did. You aren't precisely right, though. I do want to know what you're thinking—everything. I just wish…that you wouldn't be thinking some things." I clarified.

"That's quite a distinction." Her annoyance was clear

"But that's not really the point at the moment." I didn't like that she was diverting the conversation. I had a mission and I wasn't going to sway.

"Then what is?" As she asked, Bella leaned towards me on the table, her head resting on one hand. Her proximity to me was intoxicating. I mimicked her stance; the tension between us was palatable. All I wanted to do was reach over and touch her. I couldn't get enough.

_That is waaaaay too close for comfort. How does he do it? _

Jasper's pondering didn't even distract me; I was going to make certain that Bella knew she was wrong.

"Do you truly believe that you care more for me than I do for you?" My voice was incredibly soft as I stared into her eyes.

Bella's face went slack for moment before she spoke again.

"You're doing it again." She complained.

"What?"

"Dazzling me." She was serious as she tried to focus her eyes back to me.

_Oh gag me! _

I tried to shut Rose out of my mind the best I could.

"Oh." I actually hadn't meant to even try. Secretly, though, I was thrilled to affect her in such a way.

"It's not your fault, you can't help it." She sighed, sending her spectacular scent directly into my face. I fought to concentrate on the subject at hand.

"Are you going to answer the question?" I prodded, annoyed that I still hadn't gotten my question answered.

"Yes."

Her obscure responses were driving me mad. "Yes, you are going to answer, or yes, you really think that?" I couldn't hide my frustration anymore.

"Yes, I really think that." She released my eyes quickly and stared at the table.

My heart sank at her misapprehension. How could she possibly think such a thing? She was incredibly beautiful, kind, smart, and funny. She was a rarity among women; a true individual-why she cared at all for _me_ was the real mystery. I couldn't express in words how she made me feel, how she altered me so completely.

"You're wrong." I couldn't hide the intensity from my voice. My tone implored her to believe me.

Her eyes slowly rose to meet mine; hope and disbelief mixed in her expression.

"You can't know that." She whispered. In reality, she was right. I couldn't know her thoughts, but she didn't understand that I'd already committed to her my entire heart…indefinitely. There was no changing that.

"What makes you think so?" I asked.

She was quiet for a while. I grew impatient quickly. Maybe she had no real argument and contradicted me for the sake of it. Why did she make me suffer in silence like this?

"Let me think." She answered my unspoken thoughts. I waited again; calmly this time. "Well, aside from the obvious, sometimes…" She trailed off, pausing mid-sentence; nearly killing me. She _had _to stop doing that! I forced myself not to roll my eyes in irritation, "I can't be sure—I don't know how to read minds—but sometimes it seems like you're trying to say goodbye when you're saying something else."

I heard an almost painful edge to her words, freezing me in place. She was right. I could never say anything without a disclaimer as to why she needed to avoid me, or why I was dangerous, and that I was bad for her. It was as if two parts of me were warring, one against the other; making it nearly impossible to care for her the way I wanted to.

"Perceptive." I whispered in awe at her aptitude to see through me. I _was_ always ready to leave, to cut all ties, but only because I loved her and for no other reason than that. I didn't know any other way to be; my nature was inherently extreme. I was forever tied to Bella whether she would have it or not. But it wasn't just love that was like that for me; it was with all matters, especially when it came to protecting her. Bella had picked up on that but misread it as disinterest, but she couldn't be further from the truth.

"That's exactly where you're wrong, though…" I was about to continue, but her first comment flashed back to me, "What do you mean, 'the obvious'?"

She looked at me as if it were the most blatant fact in the world. "Well, look at me. I'm absolutely ordinary—well, except for bad things like all the near-death experiences and being so clumsy that I'm almost disabled. And look at you." She gestured impatiently at me with the back of her hand.

I nearly growled at her preposterous_, _absolutely _insane _comment. She didn't see herself the same way _anyone_ else did, especially me.

"You don't see yourself very clearly, you know. I'll admit you're dead-on about the bad things," I had to laugh at that; she was astonishingly accident prone, "but you didn't hear what every human male in this school was thinking on your first day."

Her eyebrows shot up, her eyes wide. "I don't believe it."

"Trust me just this once—you are the opposite of ordinary."

And as annoyed as the memory of their thoughts made me, I couldn't disagree with them. Bella was stunning, absurdly so. She was a natural beauty that enraptured me in every way. I looked at her intently. Seeing her humble and innocent reaction made her even more attractive. I wondered if she saw the passion in my eyes because _the _most sinful blush accompanied her cheeks.

So help me I wanted to just jump across the table and…

"But I'm not saying goodbye." Her words broke me away from my momentary lapse of sanity and proved the point I was going to bring out before.

"Don't you see? That's what proves me right. I care the most, because if I can do it," I paused, trying to subdue the unease rising at my next words, "if leaving is the right thing to do, then I'll hurt myself to keep from hurting you, to keep you safe."

_That sounds like a really good idea. Maybe you should listen to yourself brother; it would save us all a lot of grief. _ Jasper's voice rang in my head. I ignored him.

Bella scowled. "And you don't think I would do the same?"

"You'd never have to make the choice." I didn't like where the conversation was going, I was fighting panic at the thought of ever being without her. My thoughts shifted quickly to another alternative. "Of course, keeping you safe is beginning to feel like a full-time occupation that requires my constant presence."

She half-smiled at that. "No one has tried to do away with me today."

"Yet."

"Yet." She agreed with me. It might've been the first time ever. I silently committed the moment to memory.

I decided now was the time to broach the subject of Seattle. I'd been considering changing our plans but I had to feel it out first. There was somewhere I yearned for her to see.

"I have another question for you."

"Shoot."

"Do you really need to go to Seattle this Saturday, or was that just an excuse to get out of saying no to all your admirers?"

She cringed. "You know, I haven't forgiven you for the Tyler thing yet. It's your fault that he's deluded himself into thinking I'm going to prom with him."

I was so amused by her comments. She was always throwing up roadblocks to her answers. It was so refreshing and irritating all at once.

"Oh, he would have found a chance to ask you without me—I just really wanted to watch your face." I laughed. "If I'd asked you, would you have turned me down?"

"Probably not, but I would have cancelled later—faked an illness or a sprained ankle."

"Why would you do that?" I was confused. She didn't make any sense.

"You've never seen me in Gym, I guess, but I would have thought you would understand."

_Ah yes, the klutziness, of course_. "Are you referring to the fact that you can't walk across a flat, stable surface without finding something to trip over?" I smiled warmly at her.

_Are you trying to flirt? Because you are really, really terrible at it! _Alice's thoughts rang out, clearly horrified.

"Obviously." Bella's voice brought my attention back.

"That wouldn't be a problem. It's all in the leading." I was confident in that. I saw her opening her mouth, with another argument I'm sure, but I stopped her. "But you never told me—are you resolved on going to Seattle, or do you mind if we do something different?"

"I'm open to alternatives. But I do have favor to ask."

Of course she did.

There was no such thing as a simple yes or no with Bella Swan. Most girls, from what I'd seen and _heard_, wouldn't bother to have an opinion, or show resistance. They were more concerned with how they were perceived, rather than showing who they really were. I would be miserable with someone like that, in a one-sided relationship. Bella always made me work for it and that was easily becoming one of the things I loved about her.

"What?"

"Can I drive?"

I suppressed a groan. "Why?"

"Well, mostly because when I told Charlie I was going to Seattle, he specifically asked if I was going alone and, at the time, I was. If he asked again, I probably wouldn't lie, but I don't think he will ask again, and leaving my truck at home would just bring up the subject unnecessarily. And also, because your driving frightens me."

_Hahahhhahaaaahhahaa..._

There was a chorus of low laughter suddenly courtesy of my family_. Jerks._

"Of all the things about me that could frighten you, you worry about my driving." I couldn't hide the disdain I felt for myself. "Won't you want to tell your father that you're spending the day with me?"

She _had_ to tell him.

"With Charlie, less is always more. Where are we going anyway?"

"The weather will be nice, so I'll be staying out of the public eye…and you can stay with me, if you'd like to." I didn't want to pressure her. The two halves of me were sparring again as I awaited her choice.

"And you'll show me what you meant, about the sun?" The excitement in her voice was heartwarming; her acceptance of me, unfathomable.

"Yes." I smiled at her. "But if you don't want to be…alone with me, I'd still rather you didn't go to Seattle by yourself. I shudder to think of the trouble you could find in a city that size."

She frowned. "Phoenix is three times bigger than Seattle—just in population. In physical size—"

"But apparently your number wasn't up in Phoenix. So I'd rather you stayed near me." I cut her off and stared into her eyes, willing her to listen to me.

"As it happens, I don't mind being alone with you." She conceded, reminding again me of a very important issue.

"I know. You should tell Charlie though." I repeated, hoping my suggestion would get the point across; she wasn't understanding the import of the matter.

"Why in the world would I do that?"

My eyes burned at her now, my voice coarse, "To give me some small incentive to bring you back."

And small it was; I knew I could do what whatever I wanted to her. She couldn't escape, she probably wouldn't survive, and no one would be the wiser. I hated thinking in such a way, but I did not know my limits. If there was an accident, telling Charlie could mean her life. And if the love I felt for her couldn't stop me, then at least the guilt of taking away Chief Swan's only daughter would. That, and also the knowledge he would know I was the last one with her.

I saw a flicker of fear flash across her features as she swallowed loudly and paused.

_Edward! You're scaring her. Stop it! _Alice reprimanded from the other table.

"I think I'll take my chances."

I breathed out loudly in anger. Alice was wrong; apparently I'd not scared her enough. Had she no common sense whatsoever? How could she take this so lightly?

"Let's talk about something else."

"What do you want to talk about?" My tone was barely interested; I was very upset.

She looked away and over at my family quickly before turning back.

"Why did you go to that Goat Rocks place last weekend…to hunt? Charlie said it wasn't a good place to hike, because of bears."

_Duh. _

She caught up quickly and gasped. "Bears?" She paused, trying to regain her composure. "You know, bears are not in season." She scolded me teasingly.

Her reaction broke through the tension I felt, "If you read carefully, the laws only cover hunting with weapons." I smiled as the implication hung in the air.

The shock settling over her beautiful face was priceless as she repeated herself.

"Bears?"

"Grizzly is Emmett's favorite." I was having some fun with her now.

_Hey! Leave me out of this. _

"Hmmm." Was the best I got back as she bit her pizza and took an excessively long time chewing it before washing it down with her soda.

"So, what's your favorite?"

"Mountain lion." I responded. I didn't want to, but the truth came out so easily it shocked me. It was only after I spoke that I felt a bit uncomfortable.

"Ah." Her eyes darted to her Coke.

I tried to lighten mood, for me more than her.

"Of course, we have to be careful not to impact the environment with injudicious hunting. We try to focus on areas with an overpopulation of predators—ranging as far away as we need. There's always plenty of deer and elk here, and they'll do, but where's the fun in that?" I smiled.

"Where indeed."

I couldn't stop talking. "Early spring is Emmett's favorite bear season—they're just coming out of hibernation, so they're more irritable."

_Come on bro, you're making me look bad!_

"Nothing is more fun than an irritated grizzly bear."

Although the sarcasm amused me highly, it left me to wonder what her thoughts were. Was she using the humor to hide her horror, or was she really _that_ accepting?

"Tell me what you're really thinking, please?" I begged her; afraid she was hiding her discomfort and plotting an escape that very second.

"I'm trying to picture it—but I can't. How do you hunt a bear without weapons?"

Wow, she really must alright with it if she was asking me technical questions now. Maybe I could afford to have some more fun with her.

"Oh, we have weapons." I grinned widely at her but I kept it from my eyes, knowing the effect could have a very frightening edge to it. "Just not the kind they consider when writing hunting laws. If you've ever seen a bear attack on television, you should be able to visualize Emmett hunting."

Bella's body shivered involuntarily and I felt a grim satisfaction; maybe she realized very slightly what she was dealing with. Her eyes traveled over to my family for a moment.

"Are you like a bear, too?" Her eyes were fixed on Emmett now.

_See what you did? She thinks I'm a freak now….Thanks a lot. _Emmett whined.

"More like a mountain lion, or so they tell me. Perhaps our preferences are indicative."

"Perhaps," her voice was pensive, "Is that something I might get to see?" She asked.

It took a millisecond for me to comprehend what Bella had just asked. And then I was instantly livid.

"Absolutely not!" I couldn't help the harsh tone of my voice but I couldn't even begin to imagine how bad that would be, it upset me to no end.

She leaned back quickly, her eyes slightly wider than before.

I was appalled that after all of my efforts she failed to realize the threat I posed to her, let alone the danger she would face during my most carnal and predatory of moments. I was sick at the thought of it as I leaned back away from her.

"Too scary for me?"

"If that were it, I would take you out tonight," my voice was cold, "you need a healthy dose of fear. Nothing could be more beneficial for you."

"Then why?"

Why did she push me? Could she not see my anger? I stared at her, willing her to forget it, but her questioning eyes did not relinquish their curiosity.

"Later." I stood up. "We're going to be late."

"Later, then." She didn't seemed appeased.

We left together to go to Biology and I took the time to compose myself. As we walked into class, the scene was a repeat of the cafeteria; the thoughts among the students ran wild. The half of me, the human part, wanted to shut them up; to show them the truth.

Because I knew how Bella felt about me now, I wanted everyone to know. The man in me wanted to silence the hopeful lusting of all the childish boys in class.

I slid my chair over and sat as near to her as I could; our arms a mere inch away from one and other. I felt the heat from her body radiating on mine. It was both calming and exciting, appealing to both parts of me; the man and the monster.

Creaking wheels across linoleum distracted me as Mr. Banner rolled in a T.V. cart. The whole class breathed a cumulative sigh of relief. Movies were always a welcome alternative to a tedious lecture. He moved to the wall and flicked the lights off.

And that's when it happened.


	16. Chapter 16

**Not Mine. **

**Happy Reading!**

In the sudden darkness, the heat from Bella's body felt like a conflagration next to my skin. I tensed up as a profoundly appealing sensation swept through me, attracting me to her more intensely than ever before. It was almost painful; the need to touch her, like a magnetic pull. I wanted to brush her arm with mine, like the contact would somehow allay the tension building in me.

The movie blared on and on and I comprehended none of it as I fought against my urges, binding my clenched hands tightly to my ribs. I glanced over to Bella who seemed to be in the same position. Did she feel this too? How could she not? There was an electric tension between us that was practically blinding. She looked sideways to me then and I had my answer when she smiled.

She most definitely felt it too.

I smiled back at her, enjoying the sound her heart made as it throbbed in her chest. The darkness, the warmth of her, her scent, and knowing she how she felt about me bombarded all of my senses throughout class. We both stayed in our relative positions for the entire hour. I didn't move an inch for fear I would grab her, kiss her passionately, and never let go, but I knew that would be slightly rash and probably end with us both in detention. Besides the fact it would definitely break her jaw.

But perhaps maybe I could just touch her a bit—just a small, sweet gesture to relieve the ache? I could be gentle and careful; I'd just have to concentrate. After what seemed an eternity, Mr. Banner flipped the lights on and Bella let out a deep breath.

"Well, that was interesting." I looked to her, trying to read her.

"Umm." Was I all I got in return; I guess her recovery would take a little longer than mine.

"Shall we?"

I walked her to Gym, silent the whole way as I attempted to ready myself for my next action. I _needed_ to touch her. It was like her body was calling to me, begging me to indulge in it. We stopped by the gym door and Bella turned to me, stopping short her words as she looked up into my eyes. I was divided as I gazed at her alluring features; her skin, her lips, her eyes; all of which tempted me. I stood vacillating for a few moments before I finally decided.

Just _one_ touch. I could do this.

With deliberate slowness I raised my hand to the soft skin of her face. I delicately slid my cold fingers from the top of her cheek to the base of her chin. My touch was quick, for fear I would damage her somehow, but the warmth of her mortal skin almost made me tremble with pleasure. It was like being burned in the most sensual, glorious way. This one touch was a release of all the yearning I felt for her. Bella did not speak, nor did she recoil in shock and that thrilled me through and through.

Needing to leave before I could chance being enticed again, I quickly turned and walked away. As soon as I was outside I leaned on the brick wall of the gym and slid halfway down it; completely done in by my encounter. It took a lot of energy to hold back around Bella. Minutes passed as I stayed there.

"Thanks, Mike—you don't have to do this, you know."

I snapped out of my slump when I heard Bella's voice through the wall. I was so attuned to her now, I heard her even when I didn't mean to.

"Don't worry; I'll keep out of your way." I quickly found Mike's mind and was greeted by an image of Bella in her gym uniform. She was wearing sweatpants and holding a menacing looking racket. I watched as Bella went to serve, hitting everything but the birdie; including her own head and Mike's shoulder. I shook with laughter; she wasn't kidding about her coordination, or rather lack thereof.

As the team shifted spots, Bella leaned down to tie her shoe lace. I shot up straight against the wall as I realized, and _greatly_ appreciated, how snug her sweat pants actually fit. Unfortunately for me, I wasn't the only one.

_Damn, Bella is so hot. And those pants are making me crazy! Oh man, what I wouldn't do..._

I stopped listening as a growl escaped from my throat. My fingers clawed into the brick wall behind me; Newton was _truly_ testing my patience. I recognized the peculiar emotion that ran hot through my veins: jealousy. I'd never fully appreciated its power before. For my own sanity, I waited a while before I listened again. When I finally did, the game was over and the students were walking off the court.

"So you and Cullen, huh?" Mike's tone was slightly rude.

"That's none of your business, Mike." Bella announced. He ignored it.

"I don't like it." _He's a creep. And way too protective; I mean, I could've gotten you to the nurse just fine on my own. _

My tolerance was ebbing at an alarming rate each time he spoke to her.

"You don't have to." Bella was mad now. Mike didn't take the hint.

"He looks at you like…like your something to eat." _It's gross. Something is wrong with him. I could treat you right. Why can't you see that?_

Another piece of brick crumbled at my feet. How _dare _he? I hoped that it didn't upset Bella too much. In his mind, I saw her face contort slightly in shock and amusement as she stared at him for a then she giggled.

_She giggled?_

I smiled at her unpredictable response.

_What the hell was so funny about that? _

My tension lifted at her response. From his thoughts it was obvious Mike had not intended to make a joke. Bella didn't give him another chance to speak as she walked off toward the locker room.

She emerged a few minutes later, smiling as soon as she saw me. "Hi."

"Hello, how was Gym?"

"Fine."

"Really?" Humor and disbelief in my voice.

Before she could respond, the perverse Newton distracted me; his immature babble ringing in my head.

_Ugh! Cullen disgusts me. Why she is wasting her time with him? I'll make sure she comes to her senses soon enough, I won't back down…_

I glared at his back as he skulked away, trying to burn a hole in his body with my thoughts alone. Unfortunately, that wasn't one of my skills.

"What?" Bella asked, the tone of her voice changed. She sounded disturbed.

I glanced back to Bella, "Newton's getting on my nerves."

Her face was stricken, her voice angry. "You weren't listening again?"

I wasn't even really talking about the gym class but now that she mentioned it, 'getting on my nerves' seemed to be putting it lightly. If she doubted that, she could take a look at the unlucky brick wall behind her.

I tried to calm her with an innocent look. "How's your head?"

"You're unbelievable!" The anger reached her eyes now and she turned and stormed off.

I caught up with her.

"You were the one who mentioned how I'd never seen you in Gym—it made me curious." She had to listen to logic; I'd done nothing wrong. She never told me I couldn't listen. She ignored me as she made her way through the crowd surrounding Rose's car. Silently, we both slipped into our seats. My anger at Mike's thoughts _and_ the fact that now I was in trouble with Bella for reasons I didn't know got the best of me.

"Ostentatious." I mumbled, staring at Rose's car. It seemed a fitting object to take out my aggression on.

"What kind of car is that?" She asked.

"An M3." I answered; happy Bella was talking to me at least.

"I don't speak _Car and Driver_." Bella didn't sound any happier. Everything I did made her mad. I couldn't win.

"It's a BMW." I was impatient now and tried not to crush any unsuspecting teenagers with my car as I backed up. She nodded in understanding.

"Are you still angry?" I asked.

"Definitely."

"Will you forgive me if I apologize?" I hated having her upset with me.

"Maybe…if you mean it. _And_ if you promise not to do it again." She bargained.

There was no possible way I could promise such a thing. Today's eavesdropping happened practically by accident as it was.

"How about if I mean it, _and _I agree to let you drive Saturday?" I upped the ante without promising the impossible. She had to be open to compromise; it seemed reasonable enough. And she loved that truck for reasons beyond my comprehension.

Bella paused as she pondered. "Deal."

"Then I'm very sorry I upset you." I spoke in earnest, but paused to listen to the sporadic pounding of her beautiful heart. "And I'll be on your doorstep bright and early Saturday morning."

She looked apologetically up at me, "Um, it doesn't help with the Charlie situation if an unexplained Volvo is left in the driveway."

I looked down at her, her concern was so sweet. "I wasn't intending to bring a car."

"How—?"

"Don't worry about it. I'll be there, no car." I promised without any further explanation.

_I will show you how vampires travel…_

She turned back to me quickly. "Is it later yet?"

My face fell. Bella missed nothing. I didn't want to talk about hunting, but I did make a vow to explain it. I pulled into her driveway before I spoke.

"And you still want to know why you can't see me hunt?" I asked just to be sure. Maybe she would change her mind. It wasn't really _all_ that exciting anyway.

"Well, I was mostly wondering about your reaction." Her voice was timid and rather unlike her.

"Did I frighten you?" A slight smile on my lips; I knew I did.

"No."

Bella was a horrible liar.

"I apologize for scaring you," I smirked at her, "It was just the very thought of you being there…while we hunted." My face hardened again at the mention of it, my jaw clenched tightly as my mind visualized the scene.

"That would be bad?" She asked softly.

"Extremely." I couldn't even express how bad.

"Because…?"

Her persistence was unwelcome but I knew it was only fair to explain. I focused straight ahead as I began to delve into my explanation.

"When we hunt, we give ourselves over to our senses…govern less with our minds. Especially our sense of smell. If you were anywhere near me when I lost control that way…"

As I spoke, my awareness of Bella increased. Just the _thought_ of how I felt when I hunted was awakening my senses. She was quiet as I turned back to her. Strangely, I didn't see her; I only felt her and smelled her. My senses were uncomfortably acute. I was on the edge, teetering between my instincts as a predator and my emotions as a man. But as her gaze held mine, the entire mood of the space between us shifted. The man in me won out quickly; the same magnetism that I felt in Biology overtook me again, tenfold this time. The strength of my desire was unbearable now. I was utterly lost in her. I wanted nothing more than to reach out, take her ravishing face in my hands and taste her lips. It was quite possible that I'd never wanted something more in my existence. But I knew in my gut I could not have it. The temptation would be too overwhelming.

Suddenly Bella gasped for air, breaking the spell I was under, reminding me of her humanity once again.

"Bella, I think you should go inside now." My own voice sounded unfamiliar to me.

Bella turned and stepped out without a word. As she was about to step away from the car, I rolled the window down.

"Oh, Bella?" She turned to me.

"Yes."

"Tomorrow it's my turn."

Her beautiful face frowned in confusion. "Your turn to what?"

I grinned now, "Ask the questions."

The next morning I waited in the car for her. This new routine was one of my favorite things. I loved seeing her first thing in the morning. Going the whole night without enjoying her beautiful eyes was a rather terrible inconvenience.

"Good morning, how are you today?" I asked as she sat, my eyes roaming over her face.

"Good, thank you."

I focused on her eyes; the skin beneath them was dark. "You look tired."

"I couldn't sleep." She swept her hair over her shoulder, shielding her face from me. I hadn't meant to embarrass her I just merely noted the obvious.

"Neither could I." I joked, hoping it would make her feel better; I didn't want her upset with me again. Thankfully, she laughed; there was no sound in the world comparable to its beauty.

"I guess that's right. I suppose I slept just a little more than you did."

"I'd wager you did."

"So what did you do last night?"

_Well, first I attempted to watch you sleep again but you were up half the night, quite restless, and I couldn't keep running into your closet or sliding under your bed, so I left…which brought me back home to an all night poker tournament that ended with Emmett tossing Jasper through the wall of his room, puncturing a hole through the dry wall and studs. Of course, they were forced to fix said hole and somehow I was dragged into the mix. Esme was furious, so both Alice and Rosalie banned the boys from their rooms for the rest of the week in solidarity. It was just an average night with my crazy family, Bella, but sorry, you are NOT going to hear about it…_

"Not a chance. It's my day to ask questions."

"Oh, that's right. What do you want to know?" She sounded baffled.

I decided to start simple. "What's your favorite color?"

"It changes from day to day."

Why could there be not one easy answer with her? Always elusive, always driving me mad.

"What is your favorite color today?" I clarified.

"Probably brown."

"Brown?" I highly doubted it was brown. Why would she say that?

"Sure. Brown is warm. I _miss_ brown. Everything that's supposed to be brown—tree trunks, rocks, dirt—is all covered up with squashy green stuff here."

After a moment to ponder that, I decided her simple observations were correct; brown _was _warm, but it wasn't because of the rocks or the trees. _She_ was brown: her long, flowing hair, her wondrous eyes. Yes, brown was a fantastic color, actually.

"You're right." I reached out to place her hair back behind her shoulder, bringing her face back into my view. The touch sent waves of happiness though me.

We had arrived at school. I pressed for one more before we separated.

"What music is in your CD player right now?"

"Linkin Park."

I was surprised. I had the same CD myself. Reaching over, I pulled out the same one, showing her.

"Debussy to this?" I questioned her. She had a wide range of tastes; that was very nice, indeed.

I kept up the questions for the rest of the day, whenever I could get a chance. All were basic, but I had no choice; I couldn't just lift the information from her pretty little head like I was used to. I had to dig, through old fashioned one-on-one conversation, to get to know her and I loved every second of it. Sometimes she surprised me, confused me, and even flattered me; like when she said topaz was her favorite color because it was the color of my eyes. All was fine until it was movie time in Biology again. Today I slid my chair further from Bella than I would've liked, hoping it would alleviate the tension.

It did not.

I sat rigid in restraint, trying to think of anything else but my desire to touch her. Bella didn't look at me once. We both seemed to be battling our urges.

Afterwards I followed the routine and walked her to Gym again. Today, again, I reached out to brush her soft face with the back of my hand before leaving. The touch seemed inadequate to the emotions and desires I felt. On the way home, I began my round of deeper questions. Hours passed in Bella's driveway as she talked. The conversation flowed easily now and I soaked up the information greedily.

Finally I realized I should leave; her father would be arriving soon. My hands moved to my keys in the ignition.

"Are you finished?"

"Not even close—but your father will be home soon."

"Charlie! How late is it?"

I had been gazing out the windshield, staring into the stormy evening sky.

"It's twilight." I mused. My tone seemed to pique her interest.

I turned back to her questioning eyes. "It's the safest time of day for us," we could be outside without the risk of sunlight exposing us, "the easiest time. But also the saddest, in a way…the end of another day, the return of the night. Darkness is so predictable, don't you think?" The passing of days was grueling monotony for a vampire; an endless flow of time that would never stop for us.

"I like the night. Without the dark, we'd never see the stars. Not that you seem them here much."

I started at her positive opinion; her human viewpoints gave me a new perspective on everything, things I normally wouldn't consider. I appreciated it more than she knew; she uplifted me.

"Charlie will be here in a few minutes. So, unless you want to tell him you'll be with Saturday…"

"Thanks but no thanks. So is it my turn tomorrow, then?"

"Certainly not! I told you I wasn't done, didn't I?"

"What more is there?" She frowned.

"You'll find out tomorrow." I leaned across her to open her door. The nearness to her sent my senses into a whirlwind. I was so close to her face and neck. For a second I didn't know what I wanted more; her lips on mine or her blood, both of which were easily accessible.

Suddenly in the midst of my clouded thoughts and the pounding rain I heard a voice in my head…but it wasn't Charlie Swan. It was _him_.


	17. Chapter 17

**Not mine, all SM's. **

**Happy Reading!**

_Who is that with Bella? Where is Charlie? _

My hand was still on the door, my jaw tight. "Not good."

"What is it?" 

I looked to her quickly. "Another complication." I muttered solemnly. In one swift motion I pushed the door open and moved away from her as much as possible. A second later, headlights flooded my front seats. I glared straight past them, through the heavy rain, right into the eyes of Billy Black. Next to him was his son.

It was then I heard another voice.

_I wonder what Bella's made for dinner? She's too good to me._

"Charlie's around the corner." I warned her, never taking my eyes from Billy's— his bored back into mine.

_How dare he consort with a human? He won't get away with it; he knows the treaty. And NEVER will he touch little Bella Swan. Poor, sweet girl-the cold one must've tricked her somehow, some sort of witchery…if he hurt her!_

Before I could process all of it, Bella was out of the car and I heard yet _another_, younger voice.

_There she is. Gosh, she is so pretty. I wonder if she's dating him. I hope not. She seemed really into me at the beach. I haven't stopped thinking about her. Maybe they're just friends…_

I very nearly splintered my dashboard with my fist and I let out a growl in response to both of their thoughts, assured that the rain muffled it from the outside. I couldn't decide who frustrated me more; the old man or the delusional boy. I glared again at them before racing away down the street.

I ground my teeth imagining Bella spending the evening with Billy and Jacob Black. What would Billy say? Would he risk telling Charlie? Would Charlie believe him? I knew what I would do if I was Charlie; I'd never let Bella leave the house. I could hardly argue if he did, but I would never be able to separate myself from her now. It wasn't possible.

The night passed very slowly after that.

It was Friday and as usual I picked Bella up, eager to see how she was after last night. After confirming she was ok, I continued with my interrogation, asking now about her mother, grandparents, and her friends. Finally, on our way to lunch, I asked about previous boyfriends. She denied having any. Needless to say, I had a hard time believing that.

"So you never met anyone you wanted?"

"Not in Phoenix." Her response filled me with suspense; not sure of her meaning.

"I should have let you drive yourself today." I changed the subject.

"Why?"

"I'm leaving with Alice after lunch." I didn't want to.

"Oh. That's ok, it's not that far of a walk."

She was so absurd sometimes; did she not know I was gentleman? I would never force her to do such a thing. "I'm not going to make you walk home. We'll go get your truck and leave it here for you."

"I don't have my key with me. I really don't mind walking."

She underestimated me.

"Your truck will be here, and the key will be in the ignition—unless you're afraid someone might steal it." I laughed aloud at that.

"All right." She was unconvinced and I smirked at the challenge in her voice.

"So where are you going?"

"Hunting." I admitted unwillingly. "If I'm going to be alone with you tomorrow, I'm going to take whatever precautions I can..."

Suddenly I was overcome with anxiety, knowing that our plans were against all sane, logical judgment. She shouldn't come; it was too dangerous. I had to give her another chance to deny me, even though it would tear me apart if she did.

"You can always cancel, you know." I tried to find her eyes but she kept them down and hidden from me.

"No. I can't." I heard defeat and desire mixed in her soft response as she looked at me again.

"Perhaps you're right." I knew her feelings well; I myself spent every minute torn between what I wanted and what was right and safe.

"What time will I see you tomorrow?"

"That depends…it's a Saturday, don't you want to sleep in?"

"No." Her response was immediate, her tone fervent.

Although I knew her excitement should upset me, it didn't. I tried to hold back my grin.

"The same time as usual, then. Will Charlie be there?" I secretly hoped he would be.

"No, he's fishing tomorrow." My face was grim as she spoke; her flippant attitude towards the Charlie issue bothered me a great deal.

"And if you don't come home, what will he think?"

"I have no idea. He knows I've been meaning to do laundry. Maybe he'll think I fell in the washer."

My grim expression turned angry at her words. I just told her she may not survive the day and she makes a joke? How could she act this way? The worst thing about it was it made me hate myself more than anything else.

"What are you hunting tonight?" She again changed the subject.

"Whatever we find in the park. We aren't going far."

"Why are you going with Alice?"

"Alice is the most…supportive."

_Damn right! And remember that next you get mad at me…_

I fought the urge to roll my eyes at my sister.

"And the others? What are they?"

_Mad. Angry. . Enraged. Do you need any more synonyms or does that suffice? _

I nearly threw the lunch tray at Rose's head for her malicious thoughts.

_You don't want to know, Bella_. "Incredulous, for the most part." I softened the truth a bit, not wanting to upset her.

She glanced over to them, studying them. After a minute she spoke. "They don't like me."

It pained me to see her worry about them. "That's not it. They don't understand why I can't leave you alone."

"Neither do I, for that matter." She made a face, joking, looking more adorable then she

probably meant to.

"I told you—you don't see yourself clearly at all. You're not like anyone I've ever known. You fascinate me." She just glowered at me. She didn't believe a word I said. "Having the advantages I do," I pointed to my temple, "I have a better than average grasp of human nature. People are predictable. But you...you never do what I expect. You always take me by surprise." _And I love that about you._

She flushed slightly and turned away, looking at my family again. I didn't recognize the female voice I began to hear in my mind; I was so lost in my own thoughts as I spoke again to Bella. "That part is easy enough to explain. But there's more…and it's not so easy to put into words—." My words cut off as I realized the voice buzzing in my head was Rose. I then saw that she held Bella's gaze in a cold, hard grasp as her venomous thoughts roared in my head.

…_better stop staring. You stupid, stupid girl! Don't you see that he will probably kill you and wreck everything? And all because of you! Why can't you just leave us ALONE?_

I was furious. Even though I knew Bella couldn't hear them but she could certainly see the malice in Rosalie's glare. I hissed, low and menacing, knowing Rose would hear. She quickly turned her head.

_You know I'm right Edward. She's going to be nothing but trouble-if she even makes it past this weekend. I can't believe you are doing this to us!_

I ignored her comments as Bella turned back to me, her eyes wide. I could see she was upset. I quickly tried to make amends.

"I'm sorry about that. She's just worried. You see…it's dangerous for more than just me, after spending so much time with you so publicly…" I didn't want to finish.

"If?"

"If this ends…badly." I couldn't look into her eyes, cursing myself for even speaking such words. It felt as if I was fighting a losing battle to be with her. It was time to go now and I hated to leave on such a note.

"And you have to leave now?" Her voice matched my emotions: depressed.

"Yes. It's probably for the best. We still have fifteen minutes of that wretched movie left to endure in Biology—I don't think I could take any more."

_Edward, I'm coming to introduce myself. You've made me wait too long and lunch is almost over now!_

"Alice." I knew she was at the table already, although from Bella's wide eyes I could've guessed that without the mental warning.

"Edward." She answered.

"Alice, Bella—Bella, Alice." Bella just stared silently.

"Hello Bella. It's nice to finally meet you." Alice grinned.

_I never thought I would get to meet the girl who charmed my stubborn, hermit-like brother._

I glared at her.

"Hi, Alice." Bella's voice was quiet.

_She's so shy…it's very sweet_.

Alice turned to me, "Are you ready?"

"Nearly, I'll meet you at the car." She turned and left.

"Should I say 'have fun,' or is that the wrong sentiment?" Bella teased.

"No, 'have fun' works as well as anything."

"Have fun, then." I caught a hint of sadness in her tone.

I grinned, only because I knew she would be missing me like I her.

"I will try. And you try to be safe, please."

"Safe in Forks—what a challenge." Her eyes rolled slightly.

"For you it is a challenge." I was serious now. "Promise."

"I promise to try to be safe. I'll do the laundry tonight—that ought to be fraught with peril."

"Don't fall in."

"I'll do my best." She smiled. The light banter was easier than saying goodbye. "I'll see you tomorrow." She sighed, letting the sadness creep back.

I realized something then. "It seems like a long time to you, doesn't it?"

Her small head nodded yes.

"I'll be there in the morning." I assured her, smiling. I reached over to lightly stroke her face before leaving. It seemed as if I couldn't go more than a few hours without touching her somehow. How would I make it overnight? Suddenly, Bella's perception of time didn't seem too far off.

Alice and I got to Bella's ten minutes later. I remembered seeing her slip the key into her jeans the other night. She didn't realize how observant I was and was still expecting to walk home today, I was sure of that. I checked the laundry room first, knowing she was planning on doing a lot of it. I spotted the jeans quickly, under a pile of shirts, socks and well…other unmentionables. I would've paid all my money, and probably most of Carlisle's, to see the shade of red Bella would turn if she saw me rummaging through her laundry.

I wanted to lie down in the heap and enjoy the scent of her that lingered on the fabrics but instead politely ignored all of her things except the jeans. I pulled out the key and left. I returned the truck to the school while Alice followed in the Volvo. I left the key right where I said I would and wrote a quick note to remind her to be safe and placed it on the seat.

Alice and I headed just outside of Forks to hunt. After a while, we sat quietly, somewhat satiated. I wondered how it would go the next day, if I could control myself. It was a huge test for me. I was happy at least Alice was kind enough to give Bella a chance, even if it did indeed end…badly.

"I'm glad you got to meet her, at least once..." I finally broke the silence.

"Me too, but it won't be the last time. I've seen your plans Edward, don't forget that. It seems it will be just fine and besides I already sa—."

All at once, she stopped and turned her head to the trees. I looked too, thinking she spotted a deer or a lion. After a moment of nothing I listened to her.

_Eins zwei drei vier funf sechs sieben acht… _

I sighed loudly, rolling my eyes. "Why the hell are you counting in German? What is it?"

I waited but got nothing.

"Alice!" I waved my hands in front of me, exasperated.

Finally, she turned back to me. She stared into my eyes silently before she spoke. "Ok, I will tell you, but you have to promise not to freak out."

"Fine. I won't."

She crossed her arms. "Edward, _promise_ me. You won't like this but it's not my fault. I only see things-I don't control them, remember that."

I froze; unsure of what was to come. Slowly I nodded, "I promise."

Alice's eyes dropped down to her feet as she spoke. "I saw Bella. She…" Alice knotted her hands "…she was with all of us."

"So what? I don't see the big prob—."

"She was _one_ of us. A vampire, Edward, Bella was a vampire." She finished, cutting me off. She conjured up the image she'd seen.

I felt like I'd been punched. My mouth opened, harshly expelling all the air in my body. How could that be? I would never want her to suffer like me. I could never allow her to bear such pain. The shock turned to anger now. I jumped up.

"You're lying! What is this all about? Tell me!" I grabbed a rock, hurling it straight through a nearby tree. Alice stood up quickly now too.

"Edward! This is exactly what I meant about freaking out. You promised!" She shrieked.

"That was before I knew what you saw Alice! I can't believe it. I _won't_!" I bellowed; the sound rustled the leaves at our feet.

"I didn't believe it either. That's why I didn't say anything for a while but it won't change." Her face distorted in frustration, her hands wringing. "I don't know when or where, or why even. I just know Bella will be one of us. I'm sorry!"

"Don't count on it Alice. This is the one time you are wrong! I don't want to discuss it anymore." I glared at her.

We stood, glaring at each other for a time. Logically, I knew it wasn't Alice's fault but I couldn't stand what she was saying to me. My anger subsided but I just couldn't bring myself to converse again. Besides Alice's occasional silent apologies we were quiet for the rest of the trip. I tried not to think about the next day.

Today was _the_ day.

I had paced my room for hours, practically wearing a hole into the gold carpet as I waited to leave. Alice's words were still fresh in my mind. But I pushed them aside, too eager to see Bella again and have this time with her, even if it was incredibly stupid of me. Finally, the time arrived. I ran out through the back door and into the outlying forest. My feet barely touched the mossy ground as I raced. The wind blew my hair in every direction. Running was the only action that even came close to the exhilaration and anticipation I was feeling right now. I stopped short on the outskirts of Bella's yard. I walked to her front door and knocked softly. Instantly, I heard the erratic pounding of Bella's heart through the walls; reminding me once again of how careful I needed to be so that sound never stopped. The thought sobered me a bit.

The door swung open and I was promptly face to face with the owner of the beautiful heartbeat. I solemnly looked her over and as I did, my mood suddenly brightened.

"Good morning." I laughed.

"What's wrong?" Her eyes darted all over, searching for something.

"We match." We were dressed nearly identical, much to my pleasure, although, her outfit looked much cuter and fit her feminine shape perfectly.

She locked up as I walked over the gargantuan mass of metal she called a truck. I stood, begrudgingly, at the passenger side door. She caught my gaze and made no apologies.

"We made a deal." She mocked, sliding over to unlock my door. "Where to?"

"Put your seatbelt on—I'm nervous already."

She glowered and clicked in before repeating herself. "Where to?"

_My Volvo would be nice._ "Take the one-oh-one north."

The truck moved painfully slow; so slow in fact, I actually was able to count the trees as we passed.

Well, that was when I _wasn't_ looking at Bella.

Time passed a bit more easily as I found I was quite enthralled by her expressions as she watched the road, read signs, and checked the speedometer. Her profile was amazing; her cheekbones were high, her eyelashes were dark and full, framing her illustrious eyes, her nose was dainty, and her lips, oh, _her lips_-they were the single most succulent pink I'd ever beheld. The desire that had been plaguing me over the last few days was rising again quickly.

After some time, I noticed she had slowed down even more; seemingly distracted.

"Were you planning to make it out of Forks before nightfall?" I jibed her.

I could practically hear her eyes rolling and I couldn't wait to hear whatever smart remark she had for me.

"This truck is old enough to be your car's grandfather—have some respect."

I smiled. Her wit was fantastic.

After a while, the scenery changed. Trees replaced homes as the forest and brush grew thick along the road.

"Turn right on the one-ten."

"Now we drive until the pavement ends."

I smiled again, knowing her interest must be piqued; I'd given her no inkling as to where we were going until now.

"And what's there, at the pavement's end?" Her brow furrowed.

"A trail."

"We're hiking?" Something in her tone made me uneasy.

"Is that a problem?" I knew it was. Bella could barely traverse a straight hallway or flight of stairs without the risk of injury.

"No."

It tried to assuage her obvious concern. "Don't worry, it's only five miles or so, and we're in no hurry."

Bella's eyes focused on the road and she remained completely silent. Was she disappointed? What was she thinking? Maybe her anxiety wasn't only due to hiking. Was she afraid?

Quickly I began to doubt my plans for the day.

"What are you thinking?" I felt like I was begging; I needed to know.

"Just wondering where we're going."

Was she lying? It seemed so to me. I ignored it though and answered the question.

"It's a place I like to go when the weather is nice."

"Charlie said it would be warm today."

Hope fluttered in me. "And did you tell Charlie what you were up to?"

"Nope."

I fought a surge of annoyance at her irreverent tone. Then I remembered her friend.

"But Jessica thinks we're going to Seattle together?"

"No, I told her you canceled on me—which is true."

My fits tightened. "So no one knows you're with me?" I was angry now.

"That depends…I assume you told Alice?"

"That's very helpful, Bella." I lashed out, unraveling fast. She remained quiet so I continued on. "Are you so depressed by Forks that it's made you suicidal?" That had to be it; why else would she be so careless?

"You said it might cause trouble for you…us being together publicly."

Unbelievable—the girl was mad! I'd never been upset with her before this point, but her attitude towards this situation was completely insane.

"So you're worried about the trouble it might cause _me_—if _you_ don't come _home_?"

Bella simply nodded.

I shook momentarily and cursed violently under my breath. We didn't speak again until we arrived. As soon as the truck stopped Bella hopped out and pulled her sweater off; seemingly anxious to start our trek. I followed suit, having calmed down a bit. Even though I wasn't happy with what she did, I still wanted to enjoy this day.

My sweater was off now too and I turned to the thick woods ahead.

"This way."

"The trail?" She asked, confused.

"I said there was a trail at the end of the road, not that we're taking it."

"No trail?" I heard Bella's true feelings now. Fear. She was horrified about the hike.

"I won't let you get lost." I turned to her and Bella's breathing hitched. Her eyes widened slightly and I suddenly heard her heart louder than I had before. Her expression was pained and sad, almost as if she didn't trust me. She probably thought I was leading her into the woods to kill her. I tried in vain to hide my devastation as I spoke.

"Do you want to go home?" I asked.

"No." Her tone was resolute as she walked slowly to me.

"What's wrong?"

She frowned. "I'm not a good hiker. You'll have to be patient."

I wasn't sure still if she was hiding fear from me. I knew she would be clumsy and slow. I had more patience than she gave me credit for; ninety plus years can do that to a man. What I didn't know was if she was scared.

"I'll take you home." I _would_ make good on my word, either now or later. I waited for her response.

"If you want me to hack five miles through the jungle before sundown; you'd better start leading the way."

Her tone took me aback; confounding me even further. No matter what I said it seemed to upset her. I decided to leave it alone and took it to mean she wanted to hike. So I began walking and Bella followed. We made our way slowly through the dense underbrush. Each time I held her arm as she stepped over trees, roots, and rocks her heart would throb. I tried to hide my delight, not sure if it would upset her further. For the most part, she was silent, so I decided to ask some questions.

"Have you ever had pets Bella?"

"I had fish." The look she gave me was intriguing, making me probe further.

"What happened with these fish of yours?"

"I had two, Heathcliff and Cathy, and well…I kind of forgot to feed them. The third, ugh… the third, fell prey to my clumsiness. I had tripped over nothing of course, hit my dresser and sent the bowl to the floor, smashing it and it and sending poor Mr. Darcy into the heating vent on my floor."

"Ha!" I couldn't hold back my laughter. The sound reverberated off the trees as Bella stopped to watch me before we continued.

We hiked for hours as I asked her more questions, distracting me from the fact I was about to reveal myself completely to this woman. We were getting closer to the meadow; I could see the thinning of the trees and the sun light seeping through.

"Are we there yet?" Bella's sweet voice was teasing.

I was relieved to hear her lighthearted tone. "Nearly. Do you see the brightness ahead?"

She squinted as she stared ahead and cocked her head. "Um, should I?"

"Maybe it's a bit too soon for your eyes."

"Time to the visit the optometrist." She mumbled.

As we neared the spot, Bella's pace quickened and she lead the way eagerly. I followed her silently.

Bella broke through the forest and into the bright, open, expanse of a meadow. I stopped short, under the dark trees, admiring the sight of her standing amidst the wildflowers. The sun washed over her, igniting the red in her hair and the warmth of her ivory skin. I watched in awe of her angelic beauty as she stepped forward, caressing the top of the tall grass with her fingertips. That one small action made me ache to experience her heavenly touch.

She turned suddenly, searching for me, almost panicked, until her eyes caught my mine. She smiled and beckoned to me, stepping forward towards the trees I stood under; bringing me back to the present. The realization of my promise sank in. With everything in me, I hoped and prayed she accepted me fully; I couldn't bear her rejection of me now. Bella continued to walk towards me and I held up my hand to stop her. I looked intently at her and I breathed out deeply.

Slowly I walked into the bright sunlight of my meadow.

**A/N: The next chapter may take a while; it's a big deal to me, so I want to do the very best I can. Thanks for your patience and support!**


	18. Chapter 18

Bella stood unmoving in the grass, her eyes fixed on me. She stared unabashedly at my glowing skin, now exposed in glare of the midday sun. When I neared within a foot of her, I lowered myself to the ground and lay down, letting my shirt fall to either side. I closed my eyes and sang softly to myself, trying to dispel my nervous energy. I'm not sure how much time passed before I heard Bella shift slightly and soon felt one of her fingers pressed against the back of my hand, stroking it softly. Stunned at the intense sensation, I opened my eyes and stared at her face. Her attention was still focused on my hand and I studied the curious fascination in her eyes as she traced it. I saw the glittering of my skin shining in her irises.

_What are you thinking?_

Finally, she looked up at me and I smiled. "I don't scare you?"

"No more than usual."

I grinned now, becoming more as ease by the minute. She moved closer to me now, reaching out to my arm. I watched her hand quiver as all five of her warm fingers moved slowly up and down the length of my forearm, from elbow to palm. I closed my eyes, lost in her touch.

"Do you mind?"

"No. You have no idea how that feels." It was the single most sensual moment of my life.

Bella continued up to my shoulder and back down, leaving a trail of heat where her skin touched mine. She began to turn my hand over and I complied easily—too easily. The swiftness of my action left her startled.

"Sorry. It's too easy to be myself around you." I apologized, hoping I hadn't lost her touch for good.

She didn't respond but instead took my hand and twisted it about. I opened my eyes again to see her staring at the light bouncing every which way off of it.

"Tell me what you're thinking." Her eyes snapped up to mine now. "It's still so strange for me, not knowing."

"You know, the rest of us feel that way all the time." She smiled slightly.

"It's a hard life." I paused, thinking how much more difficult _eternity_ felt. "But you didn't tell me."

"I was wishing that I could know what you were thinking…" she paused.

"And?" The seconds passing were almost painful.

"I was wishing that I could believe that you were real. And I wishing that I wasn't afraid."

"I don't want you to be afraid." It was the most truth I could speak; she _should_ be afraid. But I did not want that…I wanted her.

"Well, that's not exactly the fear I meant, though that's certainly something to think about."

I quickly leaned up on my arm, my face inches from hers. She didn't move; her eyes were locked on mine. The nearness to her was dizzying.

"What are you afraid of, then?" The words I spoke were barely audible; her lips were so near to mine, her eyes held me hostage as her breath fanned out across my lips and cheeks. Bella didn't respond, instead her eyes dropped to my mouth and she leaned closer, inhaling deeply. I froze; transfixed by the exquisite scent of her blood pushing itself through the vein placed a mere inch from my mouth.

In that instant my instincts rose hard and fast, I felt my pupils widening, my throat burning. My mind became hazy; right and wrong blurred. She was here, laid before me; I yearned to take what I'd wanted for so long. But something pulled at me; a voice faint in the mire of the bloodlust.

_Get away now!_

My body reacted. In seconds I was up and across the meadow, leaving Bella rooted in place, shocked.

I waited there, forcing the monster into submission. I hoped she wouldn't run; just the hint of her reacting like prey would set me off again. I didn't know if I could stop myself. I started to panic.

"I'm… sorry…Edward." Bella's pained voice whispered across the meadow.

"Give me a moment." I pleaded. I hated to upset her. Thankfully she didn't move. I forced myself to calm down. Finally, I made my way back towards her. I sank to the ground again and breathed deeply before speaking, inhaling something new in the air.

"I am so very sorry. Would you understand what I meant if I said I was only human?"

She only nodded. From the distance I was to her, I recognized what I smelled now: Fear. Her heart frantically beat against her chest, adrenaline pumped through her. I detested myself as I felt my instincts igniting once again.

"I'm the world's best predator, aren't I? Everything about me invites you in—my voice my face, even my smell. As if I need any of that!" I jumped up and ran the circumference the meadow before she could even blink. The monster inside leapt as I tore a branch down from above me and with a vociferous crack threw it against another tree, separating it into hundreds of pieces.

I walked back to Bella, still frozen in the grass. "As if you could fight me off." My voice became soft, seductive almost. I saw myself doing what I both feared and craved. Bella's wide eyes looked up to me, helpless in their recognition of the side of me she'd never encountered before. It only excited me more. She probably wouldn't even try to stop me. I could linger, enjoying the divine taste of her for hours. I stood in front of her, motionless, as she stared back. Somehow I didn't act on my thoughts. I wasn't sure how, tempted as I was. After a few minutes I felt the thirst dissipate as clear, logical, thought returned. I was nearly weak with relief when I realized I kept my dark desires at bay and did not hurt her. I smiled softly at her now.

"Don't be afraid. I promise…I _swear_ not to hurt you." I wanted to believe that I just passed my last true test. I wanted her to believe me. "Don't be afraid." I repeated, moving closer now to her.

"Please forgive me. I can control myself. You just caught me off guard. But I'm on my best behavior now." I promised.

I was silent as I waited for her. Her skin was pale, her eyes still held some agitation.

"I'm not thirsty today, honestly." I winked at her, trying to break the tension.

Bella laughed; a rattled, unsure one. "Are you all right?" I reached out to place my hand back in hers, hoping to calm her. She looked at my hand again before slowly grazing it over with her finger again. My tension melted at her touch. Bella's soft eyes came back up to meet mine and she smiled shyly.

I grinned, "So where were we, before I behaved so rudely?"

"I honestly can't remember." She admitted softly.

Guilt washed over me but I tried to fight it. "I think we were talking about why you were talking about why you were afraid, besides the obvious reason."

"Oh, right."

"Well?" Silence again. Bella averted her eyes and played with my hand.

"How easily frustrated I am." It was going to be the end of me, not knowing what she thought.

She looked at me, sudden understanding in her eyes, before dropping them again to her lap. "I was afraid…because, for, well, obvious reasons, I can't stay with you. And I'm afraid that I'd like to stay with you, much more than I should."

Something in her small confession saddened me. In one way I was overjoyed; she was telling me she wanted to be with me. And yet, she was scared. Even though it was always what I knew she needed to feel, I hated it. I wanted to tell her we could stay here and forget the world forever, but I could not.

"Yes," the sadness stifled my words, "That is something to be afraid of, indeed. Wanting to be with me. That's not really in your best interest."

She frowned at me.

I sighed, "I should have left long ago. I should leave now. But I don't know if I can."

"I don't want you to leave." Quiet desperation colored her tone, pulling at my heart.

"Which is exactly why I should. But don't worry. I'm essentially a selfish creature. I crave your company too much to what I should." I confessed.

"I'm glad."

"Don't be!" I pulled my hand back, surprised again with her lack of comprehension at the threat I posed; especially after what just happened. "It's not only your company I crave! Never forget _that_. Never forget I am more dangerous to you than I am to anyone else."

I looked into the woods while I let my words sink in.

"I don't think I understand exactly what you mean—by the last part anyway."

"How do I explain?" I paused, trying to form the right words, "And without frightening you again…hmmmm." Without a second thought, my hand was back in hers. The action felt natural, like I belonged there. "That's amazingly pleasant, the warmth." I admitted, slightly dazed at the effect of her human touch. After a moment I began again.

"You know how everyone enjoys different flavors? Some people love chocolate ice cream, others prefer strawberry?"

She nodded in understanding.

"Sorry about the food analogy—I couldn't think of another way to explain." She smiled up at me, willing me to continue. "You see, every person smells different, has a different essence. If you locked an alcoholic in a room full of stale beer, he'd gladly drink it. But he could resist, if he wished to, if he were a recovering alcoholic. Now let's say you placed in that room a glass of hundred-year-old brandy, the rarest, finest cognac—and filled the room with its warm aroma—how do you think he would fare then?"

Bella and I stared into each others eyes. I hoped my explanation was making sense, but after a time she still seemed a bit lost to the point.

"Maybe that's not the right comparison. Maybe it would be too easy to turn down the brandy. Perhaps I should have made our alcoholic a heroin addict instead."

"So what you're saying is, I'm your brand of heroin?" Her voice teasing.

"Yes, you are _exactly_ my brand of heroin." Her comment couldn't have been more precise.

"Does that happen often?"

I watched the treetops for a time before I spoke. "I spoke to my brothers about it. To Jasper, every one of you is much the same. He's the most recent to join our family. It's a struggle for him to abstain at all. He hasn't had time to grow sensitive to the differences in smell, in flavor." I paused, worried my words may've come across as offensive. "Sorry."

"I don't mind. Please don't worry about offending me, or frightening me, or whichever. That's they way you think. I can understand, or I can try to at least. Just explain however you can."

Bella's calm reassurances helped. I looked over the trees again, continuing. "So Jasper wasn't sure if he'd ever come across someone who was as…_appealing_ as you are to me. Which makes me think not. Emmett has been on the wagon longer, so to speak, and he understood what I meant. He says twice, for him, once stronger than the other."

"And for you?"

"Never." My tone final and sure; Bella's attraction was like nothing on this earth.

It was quiet for a moment.

"What did Emmett do?" Bella asked softly.

My gut tightened at her words, my hands clenched. I knew what he did, but I wouldn't say it. I saw the burden he carried for it; he'd never forgive himself. It was not my place to tell her.

Bella seemed to understand my silence. "I guess I know."

I hated her to know such things, praying she didn't think ill of Emmett because of his weakness. "Even the strongest of us fall off the wagon, don't we?"

Her brow furrowed. "What are you asking? My permission?" She paused. "I mean, is there no hope, then?" She looked deep into my eyes, questioning.

"No, no!" I was appalled at myself for leading her to believe such a thing. "Of course there's hope! I mean, of course I won't…" I trailed off as I stared into her eyes; trying to convey what I couldn't say truthfully say aloud. "It's different for us. Emmett…these were strangers he happened across. It was a long time ago, and he wasn't as…practiced, as careful, as he is now."

I stopped rambling, allowing her time to digest my words and implications.

"So if we'd met…oh, in a dark alley or something…"

"It took everything I had not to jump up in the middle of that class full of children and—." I stopped, not able to finish the sentence. "When you walked past me, I could have ruined everything Carlisle has built for us, right then and there. If I hadn't been denying my thirst for the last, well, too many years, I wouldn't have been able to stop myself."

That moment was seared into my memory forever. I looked down to Bella now. "You must've thought I was possessed."

The sadness in her eyes cut into me. "I couldn't understand why. How you could hate me so quickly…" She trailed off, leaving me to explain myself properly.

_I'm so sorry, Bella. _

"To me, it was like you were some kind of demon, summoned straight from my personal hell to ruin me. The fragrance coming off your skin…I thought it would make me deranged that first day. In that one hour, I thought of a hundred different ways to lure you from the room with me, to get you alone. And I fought them each back, thinking of my family, what I could do to them. I had to run out, to get away before I could speak the words that would make you follow..." I paused to look deep into her eyes now. "You would have come." I explained, canceling all doubt in her mind as to what her fate could've been that first day.

"Without a doubt." She agreed calmly.

Looking down, I continued my confession. "And then, as I tried to rearrange my schedule in a pointless attempt to avoid you, you were there—in that close, warm, little room, the scent was maddening. I so very nearly took you then. There was only one other frail human there—so easily dealt with."

Bella's small frame shook lightly as comprehension flickered across her face. I saw she was starting to understand fully what I fought so hard against, why I acted the way I did.

"But I resisted. I don't know how. I forced myself not to wait for you, not to follow you home from the school. It was easier outside, when I couldn't smell you anymore, to think clearly, to make the right decision. I left the others near home—I was too ashamed to tell them how weak I was, they only knew something was very wrong—and then I went straight to Carlisle, at the hospital, to tell him I was leaving."

Bella's expression turned surprised as I explained fleeing to Alaska to escape the temptation and then how I'd finally convinced myself that I had to return; that she wouldn't keep from my family. I explained how I hunted more, was more careful, sure I could treat her like any other person. But I couldn't. When she was almost killed in the parking lot that day and told her why I saved her that and how terrified I was that she would expose my family, she stared wide-eyed. I confessed my family's reactions, how they were divided over the whole thing, and how I listened in the school to see if she would tell my secret, eventually getting so caught up in _her_ that I realized I couldn't stay away, no matter how much I tried.

Finally, after all that, I'd arrived at the crux of my explanation. I gazed into the endless depths of her eyes as I spoke.

"And for all that, I'd fared better if I _had_ exposed us all at that first moment, than if now, here—with no witnesses and nothing to stop me—I were to hurt you."

Her eyes burned. "Why?"

"Isabella." I spoke her name like a prayer, carefully reaching out to play with her hair before speaking again.

"Bella, I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. You don't know how it's tortured me." I dropped my eyes. "The thought of you, still, white, cold…to never see you blush scarlet again, to never see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretenses…it would be unendurable." I raised my eyes back to hers again, my voice ragged. "You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever."

I went silent, drained from my release; I'd just purged my soul to this woman and confessed my truest, deepest feelings for her. Looking down at her, I waited in quiet suspense for her response.

"You already know how I feel, of course. I'm here…which roughly translated, means I would rather die than stay away from you." She paused, realizing what she just said. "I'm an idiot."

"You _are_ an idiot." I laughed, feeling nearly dizzy at her profession. I'd never felt so light or free or…happy. Bella joined me, laughing too.

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…" I whispered. Bella turned, but I caught her grin before she turned back to me, her eyes alight.

"What a stupid lamb."

"What a sick, masochistic lion." I knew I had to be quite insane for letting this take place, but as much I knew I should be upset, I felt nothing but pure, unadulterated joy.

"Why…?" Bella's curious voice made me look up.

I grinned at her, letting the sun warm my features. "Yes?"

"Tell me why you ran from me before?"

That deflated me. "You know why."

"No, I mean, _exactly_ what did I do wrong? I'll have to be on my guard, you see, so I better start learning what I shouldn't do. This, for example," she ran her fingers across my hand, "seems to be all right."

"You didn't do anything wrong, Bella. It was my fault."

"But I want to help, if I can, to not make this harder for you."

Her sincerity was hard to argue with. I wondered how I could explain without ruining the moment. "Well…It was how close you were. Most humans instinctively shy away from us, are repelled by our alienness…I wasn't expecting you to come so close. And the smell of your _throat_." I stopped, checking her response.

"Okay, then." Her tone was joking as she dropped chin to her shirt, hiding her neck from me. "No throat exposure."

Whatever she was trying to do, worked. I laughed, breaking the tension. "No, really, it was more the surprise than anything else."

As I looked at her, something deep and resolute burgeoned inside me. I needed to prove something to myself and to her right now.

I gently laid my hand upon her neck, letting the heat of her burn me. As I lingered there, her heart began racing, her blood thrashing about under my icy fingertips. Calmly I spoke, trying to ignore my instincts. "You see, perfectly fine." Her face flushed red, and again I did not move an inch as I let my desire quell.

"The blush on your cheeks is lovely." My voice soft. I moved my other hand, which Bella relinquished weakly now, and lightly caressed her cheek before taking her face between both palms, holding back all my strength. "Be very still." I whispered.

I held her gaze as I carefully leaned into her, finally resting my cheek against base of her throat. At first, I froze, breathing shallowly, not wanting to push myself. But after a moment I let go and then slowly, relishing every second it took, let my hands trail down her face to her neck. Bella trembled under my touch, sending a shock through me; it was intensely arousing but I didn't stop, smoothly making my way to her small shoulders. It was then I turned my face, letting my nose gently glide across her collar bone, inhaling her perfect scent as I did. I stopped to lay my face against Bella's chest now and listened to the only sound that mattered in my world, a song written only for me; her heartbeat.

"Ah." My contentment was unparalleled now.

I stayed motionless in my position as the fluttering of her heart quieted and the rush of her pulse faded. It was then that I began to notice the rise of fall of her chest under me, enrapturing me yet again with her alluring feminine form.

After a time, I finally leaned back, satisfied with my accomplishment. "It won't be so hard again."

"Was that very hard for you?"

"Not nearly as bad as I imagined it would be. And you?"

"No, it wasn't bad…for me."

I smiled at the double meaning. "You know what I mean."

"Here." I took her hand and laid it on my cheek. "Do you feel how warm it is?"

Bella's eyes blazed now as she touched me. "Don't move."

I complied and closed my eyes. Bella's delicate fingers ran softly over my cheek, across my closed lids and under my eyes, then down my nose. I very nearly shook under her persistent, slow, and painfully seductive movements. Perhaps it was the fact I couldn't see her where should would move next or the fact that I craved her touch almost as much as her blood that made it feel so incredibly erotic. Then she moved to my lips, tracing their outline. Deep within my soul, a desire was forming again, but it was not for her blood this time. Instinctively, my lips parted, and she stopped moving. For a moment there was nothing and then I felt Bella's presence move away.

I opened my lids, my eyes meeting hers. A fire burned between us now.

"I wish," my voice hoarse, "I wish you could feel the…complexity…the confusion…I feel. That you could understand." I reached up to touch Bella's hair and face, finding it was difficult to not have contact with her for any length of time. The feel of her was like nothing else I'd experienced, something I'd been missing for nearly a century.

"Tell me."

"I don't think I can. I've told you, on the one hand, the hunger—the thirst—that, deplorable creature that I am, I feel for you. And I think you can understand that, to an extent. Though, as you are not addicted to any illegal substances, you probably can't empathize completely. But…" Gently, I ran my fingers over her full, warm lips; Bella's body trembled as I did so, making me want so badly to kiss her, but instead I spoke. "There are other hungers. Hungers I don't even understand, that are foreign to me."

Bella gave me a knowing look. "I may understand _that_ better than you think."

"I'm not used to feeling so human. Is it always like this?"

"For me? No, never. Never before this."

I held her hands again in mine. "I don't know how to be close to you," I confessed sadly, "I don't know if I can." I wanted to, more than anything.

Hesitantly, Bella moved toward me now, looking into my eyes as she went; I didn't move. Then in a most tender display, she laid her cheek against my silent heart and there she stayed. I pulled her to me, wrapping her in my arms before laying my face against her sun-warmed hair.

"You're better at this than you give yourself credit for." Bella's muffled voice rose up from my shirt.

"I have human instincts—they may be buried deep, but they're there."

Minutes passed as we sat like that. I would've been satisfied to stay in my meadow with her for the rest of my existence but I noticed the sky changing slowly and although I didn't want to let her go, Bella had to get home.

"You have to go." I still held onto her.

"I thought you couldn't read my mind."

"It's getting clearer." I smiled at the absurdity of such a thing.

I pulled away from Bella now, still holding her shoulders so she could see my face. "Can I show you something?"

"Show me what?"

"I'll show you how _I_ travel in the forest." Unease filled her face. "Don't worry, you'll be very safe, and we'll get to your truck much faster." I smiled broadly in anticipation now.

"Will you turn into a bat?"

My laugh thundered around us. "Like I haven't heard that one before!"

"Right, I'm sure you get that all the time."

"Come on, little coward, climb on my back."

Bella just stood, staring up at me, disbelief in her eyes. She was devastatingly cute when she was nervous. I pulled her up gently, lifting her easily onto my back, causing her heart to sputter and beat in triple time, much to my pleasure. Bella silently locked her arms and legs around me. I couldn't deny that feeling so much of her body on mine was rather enjoyable as well.

"I'm a bit heavier than your average backpack." Bella spoke into my back.

"Hah!" I laughed again. I grabbed Bella's hand, placed it over my nose and lips, and inhaled her scent. "Easier all the time."

And then I ran.

I sped past the ground we'd traveled before, covering more ground in a few minutes that had taken hours prior. Bella made no sound as she clung to me. We were mostly quiet, except for the whooshing of the wind as it whipped around us. My thoughts returned to what I just experienced in the meadow; the passion, the desire to kiss her. It hadn't faded, especially now that I had her so near to me. Could I dare to try? Something in me told me I could, I _had _to.

I neared Bella's truck now and I slowed to a stop.

"Exhilarating, isn't it?"

No response. I knew she was still there, wrapped around me, but she made no sound.

"Bella?" Worry coloring my tone.

"I think I need to lie down." Her breath came out warm against my neck.

"Oh, sorry." I waited for her again, but she made no attempt to remove herself from me.

"I think I need help."

I chuckled as I disentangled her arms and legs, lowering her to the ground. "How do you feel?"

"Dizzy, I think."

"Put your head between your knees." She complied, lowering her head, breathing slowly and evenly for a few minutes. I placed myself next to her on the ferns. She finally was able to keep her head up, but left her eyes closed. "I guess that wasn't the best idea."

Bella's voice was small. "No, it was very interesting."

"Hah! You're as white as a ghost—no, you're as white as me!"

"I think I should have closed my eyes."

"Remember that next time."

"Next time." There was horror in her voice. I laughed.

"Show-off." She replied acidly.

I turned towards her, closing the space between us. "Open your eyes, Bella." She did and froze at my nearness. "I was thinking, while I was running…"

"About not hitting the trees, I hope." Her hot breath rushed into my face as she spoke, furthering my desire.

"Silly Bella, running is second nature to me, it's not something I have to think about."

"Show off." She grumbled again.

I smiled at that. "No, I was thinking there was something I wanted to try." I took her face between my hands for the second time today and I held her there, pausing briefly to test my will; reiterating to myself the import of this defining moment. I _could_ do this. I _wanted_ this. More than anything.

Carefully, I leaned forward and gently placed my lips on hers. There was nothing else in that moment, only Bella. The feeling was complete ecstasy; I'd never known such perfection existed. The taste of her skin shattered me.

Suddenly, Bella's breath swirled out wildly around my mouth, her lips burned under mine as blood rushed to her face. Her hands moved quickly up my neck and into my hair, her fingers running through it eagerly. Her mouth opened slightly and I felt the wetness of her on my lips as she inhaled sharply.

The monster I'd fought back all day reared up, clouding my will. Again my thirst overshadowed all else. Sheer panic rose up in me and I froze in place before carefully moving Bella's face back. She looked staggered at the loss, but then saw my expression.

"Oops."

"That's an understatement." I replied as she looked at me. We were mere inches apart now. I swallowed painfully, trying to fight the burning thirst erupting in my throat.

"Should I…?" Bella tried to move away but I held her fast.

"No, it's tolerable. Wait for a moment please." I already sensed the threat receding, much sooner than it did before.

Bella waited, motionless, staring into my eyes before finally I calmed enough to speak again. "There."

"Tolerable?" She asked.

I laughed. "I'm stronger than I thought. It's nice to know."

"I wish I could say the same. I'm sorry."

"You _are_ only human, after all."

"Thanks so much." She replied sarcastically.

I leapt up, extending my hand to help her up. She took it gratefully and stood, wobbling slightly.

"Are you still faint from the run? Or was it my kissing expertise?" I teased, laughing.

She stared at me for a moment, seemingly in wonderment before responding. "I can't be sure, I'm still woozy. I think it's some of both, though."

_Yes! _That meant my kiss was at least fifty-percent amazing. _I'll take what I can get…_

"Maybe you should let me drive." I offered.

"Are you insane?"

"I can drive better than you on your best day." I goaded her. "You have much slower reflexes."

"I'm sure that's true, but I don't think my nerves, or my truck, could take it."

"Some trust, please, Bella." She would consort all day with a bloodthirsty vampire alone _and _let him kiss her but won't let him _drive_? Unbelievable!

Her lips fell into a hard line as her hand tightened in her pocket. She shook her head sternly. "Nope. Not a chance."

My eyebrows rose in shock. She started to walk around me but as she neared the driver's side door she stumbled a bit. I grabbed her waist, pulling her back against me. There was no way she was going to drive, not in her state.

"Bella, I've already expended a great deal of personal effort at this point to keep you alive. I'm not about to let you behind the wheel of a vehicle when you can't even walk straight. Besides friends don't let friends drive drunk." I quoted, smirking.

"Drunk?" She looked up as she leaned on me.

"You're intoxicated by my very presence." I grinned again.

"I can't argue with that." She conceded with a sigh as she dropped the key, which I caught easily. "Take it easy—my truck is a senior citizen." She quipped.

"Very sensible." I would drive five miles an hour if it made Bella happy.

"And are you not affected at all? By my presence?"

She had _no_ idea.

I didn't bent my face to hers and placed my cool mouth on her now flushed cheek. My lips caressed her jaw in agonizingly slow movements; up and down, from her ear down to her chin and back. She shuddered beneath me. I repeated the motions until I could bear it no longer and finally found my voice again.

"Regardless, I have better reflexes." 


	19. Chapter 19

For the first time ever, driving forty-five miles an hour suited me just fine.

I held Bella's, _my_ Bella's, hand while I drove, memorizing every piece of her as I did so. I glanced at her long hair tangling about in the open window, the way the setting sun blazed against the brown of her eyes, melting them into warm pools of chocolate, the arch of her fingers as they lay intertwined with mine.

When the archaic radio began crackling out one of my favorite classics; I couldn't help but sing, remembering when Esme and I would practice dancing to it in the middle of the night.

"_Stars shining bright above you, night breezes seem to whisper 'I love you'. Birds singing in the sycamore tree, dream a little dream of me….Say 'night-ie night' and kiss me, just hold me tight and tell me you miss me. While I'm alone and blue as can be, dream a little dream of me….Stars fading but I linger on, dear, still craving your kiss. I'm longing to linger till dawn, dear…" _

Glancing over at Bella again, the words took on new meaning. Elation ran through me; this phenomenal woman loved me back and had accepted me so fully, it was unbelievable.

"You like fifties music?" She asked, breaking my reverie.

"Music in the fifties was good. Much better than the sixties, or the seventies, ugh!" I cringed at the memory of disco and platform heels. Alice had a field day with that decade. "The eighties were bearable."

"Are you ever going to tell me how old you are?" Her voice was shy.

"Does it matter much?"

"No, but I still wonder…" she paused. "There's nothing like an unsolved mystery to keep you up at night."

"I wonder if it will upset you." I stared out into the setting sun.

"Try me."

I sighed, gauging her eyes, and all I could see there was warm acceptance. I'd already done more than enough today to frighten her and she still looked at me with such love it left me breathless; I figured now would be as good a time as any.

Turning back to the road I spoke. "I was born in Chicago in 1901." I glanced again at Bella's face; her expression remained calm. Pleased, I continued. "Carlisle found me in a hospital in the summer of 1918. I was seventeen, and dying of Spanish influenza."

Bella's sharp intake of air made me turn. At first I thought she was upset about my age, but the pain in her eyes made me realize it was for _me_, for my suffering. Amazing, compassionate creature she was.

"I don't remember it well," I reassured her, "it was a very long time ago, and human memories fade." My thoughts returned to that time; Carlisle saving me, changing me. "I do remember how it felt, when Carlisle saved me. It's not an easy thing, not something you could forget."

Immediately I worried I'd said too much; I didn't want Bella pondering such things. The pain of my transformation was mine and mine alone. Just talking about it was difficult as it brought back painfully vivid memories.

"Your parents." She guided me.

Her direction was unexpected, but a relief. "They had already died from the disease. I was alone. That was why he chose me. In all the chaos of the epidemic, no one would ever realize I was gone."

"How did he…save you?" Again her voice was unsure.

I felt a little sick; wishing she hadn't picked up on my words before. For my sake I needed to tread lightly on this subject but I had to answer her somehow. I explained only that it was very painful despite Carlisle's compassion and restraint. I stopped at that, finality in my tone; there was no way I was going into gruesome detail with Bella. For her part she sat silent and seemingly placated. Her eyes, though, they burned with curiosity. She was probably trying to comprehend why. I went on.

"He acted from loneliness. That's usually the reason behind the choice. I was the first in Carlisle's family, though he found Esme soon after. She fell from a cliff. They brought her straight to the hospital morgue, though, somehow, her heart was still beating.

"So you must be dying, then, to become…" She left the word silent and hanging in the air.

I pondered for a moment why. Perhaps it was out of concern for me or maybe in someway it kept a level of normalcy to our conversations that we couldn't otherwise have.

"No, that's just Carlisle. He would never do that to someone who had another choice. It is easier he says, though, if the blood is weak."

I went on, explaining how Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper and Alice all came to be with us, finally explaining Alice's gift. "Like me, she has certain gifts above and beyond the norm for our kind."

"Really? But you said you were the only one who could hear people's thoughts."

"That's true. She knows other things. She _sees_ things—things that might happen, things that are coming. But it's very subjective. The future isn't set in stone. Things change." The last words came out with an edge; I was angry again remembering Alice's vision. It _couldn't_ be.

I don't think Bella noticed as she went on asking about what Alice saw, how it worked, and about vampires in general. I told her it was rare for us to not hunt people, our family was an exception.

"And the others?"

"Nomads, for the most part. We've all lived that way at times. It gets tedious, like anything else. But we run across the others now and then, because most of us prefer the North."

She frowned, tilting her head. "Why is that?"

I had just pulled up to her home. Thankfully, I heard nothing inside and knew Chief Swan was still out. I relaxed in the seat before answering.

"Did you have your eyes open this afternoon? Do you think I could walk down the street in the sunlight without causing traffic accidents? There's a reason why we chose the Olympic Peninsula, one of the most sunless places in the world. It's nice to able to go outside in the day. You wouldn't believe how tired you can get of nighttime in eighty-odd years."

Her eyes lit up in understanding. "So that's where the legends came from?"

"Probably."

"And Alice came from another family, like Jasper?"

I paused, not sure what to say. I couldn't really answer that; Alice's background was a true mystery to us all, including her. The only thing I could say was that her creator just left her, something none of us could fully comprehend. I smiled, remembering when Alice found us. Since then, I'd always considered her a beloved sister.

After I'd stopped, we sat in silence for a moment, Bella seemed to be letting the information soak in. Suddenly I heard the strangest gurgling sound. I turned. From the mortified look on her on her face I realized it was emanating from Bella. It took a moment but I understood.

"I'm sorry; I'm keeping you from dinner." I fought back a smile; her expression was priceless.

"I'm fine, really." She lied.

"I've never spent much time around anyone who eats food. I forget." I apologized.

Her eyes were focused on the stitching of the seat under her. "I want to stay with you." She nearly mumbled the words but I heard every one in her fervent request. I smiled into the darkness before asking permission to come inside with her. I hoped I wasn't being too forward, with Charlie gone and all, but Bella seemed fine with idea.

I rushed quickly to open her door, like a gentleman should.

"Very human." She praised me.

"It's definitely resurfacing." I grinned. _Silly Bella_. I'd never forgotten my manners.

I walked slowly next to Bella as we made our way to the porch. She kept turning to look at me, it was rather curious. Where did she think I was going?

As slow as I tried to be, I still got to the door first and unlocked it for her before realizing that I shouldn't have known where the "hidden" key was. Bella questioned it immediately.

"The door was unlocked?"

"I used the key from under the eave." No sense lying now as Bella questioned me with her eyes.

_I suppose I need to explain further. _

"I was curious about you."

"You spied on me?" Bella's face turned whiter than normal but her eyes sparkled; further confusing me as to her true thoughts on the matter.

"What else is there to do at night?" She was seriously mistaken if she thought I had a fully-booked social calendar.

Bella seemed resigned to my invasion of her privacy so we moved on to the kitchen. I sat quietly while she prepared her food. I observed her moving about in the kitchen, acting so very…_domestic._ Everything felt so comfortable and easy. I found myself wondering for a moment if this was how it was for humans; couples sharing the simple acts of living. It was something I'd never experience fully.

"How often?" Bella's voice broke apart my thought.

"Hmmm?"

"How often did you come here?" Her back was to me.

"I come here almost every night."

Bella spun towards me now, gracing me with her beautiful but shocked face.

"Why?" She gasped.

She wasn't going to like this, I could sense it already. "You're interesting when you sleep. You talk."

"No!" She gripped the countertop now as her legs looked rather unsteady. The heat from her bright blush filled the small room. I gulped; partially because she tempted me so, and partially because I feared how furious she was with me.

"Are you very angry with me?"

"That depends!" Her face continued to fall and her words came out panting. I was quiet, not sure of what to say next.

"On?" I finally asked.

"What you heard!" She yelled out, panicked.

I felt instant regret that I'd hurt her somehow. I moved to her quickly and took her hands into mine, gazing at her.

"Don't be upset!" I begged her. I tried to explain myself: what I knew about her that she didn't know; how she missed her mother and home, and how the rain bothered her. It mattered not to me what she said in those dark hours; I was fascinated and thrilled by her in every way.

"Anything else?" Bella wasn't stupid and I saw in her eyes what she was implying.

"You did say my name."

Her hot breath blew onto my skin as she sighed. "A lot?"

"How much do you mean by 'a lot', exactly?" I asked earnestly. I had no humor in my tone; I was afraid she was still mad.

"Oh no!" I felt the heat rising through her body at the revelation. It was all I could do not to crush her small body to mine as I pulled her close. Desperate to make it right, I held her to my chest and lowered my mouth to her ear.

"Don't be self-conscious." I breathed. I heard her pulse race; perhaps a mixture of her embarrassment and our closeness. I was nearly dizzy from her scent, utterly lost in her as I continued. "If I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I'm not ashamed of it."

The energy in the room had changed now. It seemed I was forgiven completely as we stood together. I desperately wanted another kiss, but our moment was cut short by the sound of a car on the driveway.

…_been a long day. I'm starving. Wonder what Bella's got cooking tonight._

Chief Swan was home. Bella whole body tensed and before she could tell me to go, I released her and left.

Well, not completely, but I removed myself from the kitchen.

"Edward!" Bella's voice was a loud whisper.

I was already halfway upstairs when she spoke. I laughed quietly before making my way to her to door. I was ghostly silent as I walked around Bella's room. I took my time observing, something I was usually much too distracted to do. The humble furniture and décor were sweet; the whole space was filled with her easy essence. I sat on her bed, luxuriating in the heavenly smell of it.

"None of the boys in town your type, eh?" Charlie's question wafted up through the floor boards as I sat up straight. I had tried to not to listen to Bella's conversation but it was hard to miss, now that the topic was of personal interest to me.

_Please say no. I don't think I can handle boys just yet…_

Charlie's thoughts betrayed his nonchalant tone.

"No, none of the boys have caught my eye yet." Bella replied, honest by a technicality.

_Nonsense. I can't believe it. No one? I guess I shouldn't complain…_

I smiled, confidant in my place with Bella.

_I just have to make sure. I could've sworn she had said…_

"I thought maybe that Mike Newton…you said he was friendly." Charlie pushed.

At the sound of his name, my smile dropped as that strange churning developed in my gut, just like it had when Newton had asked Bella to the dance that day in Biology. Scowling, I conjured up a slew of other adjectives for Mike Newton-none involving words such as 'friendly'.

"He's just a friend, Dad." Bella corrected. That should have comforted me.

Somehow, though, the churning continued; just the thought of Bella and Mike or Bella any other boy was making me rather sick…or angry…or crazy…I couldn't quite place it until after a moment I realized what was plaguing me. I was _jealous_. I had read many times of it; I understood the meaning of it on some intellectual level, but _nothing _like this. What a profound emotion it was, so visceral.

I was so overcome with this new and rather terrible discovery that I almost missed the fact that the conversation had stopped and Bella's light steps were nearing her door.

I composed myself as she entered the dark room. She walked right to her window, calling softly to me.

_Adorable._

"Yes?" I sat grinning on her bed as she spun around at the sound my voice. I heard her beautiful heartbeat skip and flutter.

"Oh!" Bella slid down the wall as I apologized. "Just give me a minute to restart my heart." She asked.

I reached down slowly and very carefully picked her up so she sat next to me on the bed. We sat for some moments in relative silence. I heard Charlie downstairs.

_She was acting high-strung tonight. What is going on with her? I bet she does like a boy. Oh lord, I'm not cut out for this-any of this. What if she tries to sneak ou—_

"Can I have a minute to be human?" Bella asked, breaking into his thoughts.

"Certainly." I had all night to wait for her.

Bella rushed to gather her things and left. I tried to tune out the sounds but still I heard it; the sound of the hot water in the shower, the movement of it cascading over her and splashing at her feet. I gulped and visualized Alaska-a cold, _cold _place. That would help keep me mannerly.

Thankfully, Bella was quick. She ran downstairs to say goodnight to Charlie again but soon enough, she was there in front of me again. I hadn't moved since she left. My eyes moved greedily to look at her again. Her long hair clung to her neck and shoulders, soaking the areas of her shirt that weren't torn. The warmth of the water had ignited her scent in the air; it hung around me like a mist. I wanted to take hold of her and never let go, but I settled for a compliment.

"Nice." I loved how she could be herself, simple and natural, and still be so perfectly beautiful to me.

Bella made a face at her well-worn pajamas.

"No, it looks good on you." I assured her.

"Thanks." She sat again next to me on the bed.

"What was all that for?" I asked, referencing her father, although I knew.

"Charlie thinks I'm sneaking out."

"Oh. "Why?" But I knew; I could seeand feel it already.

Bella had her eyes glued to the floor. "Apparently, I look a little overexcited."

I couldn't bear it any longer. I gently lifted her face to mine, relishing every detail of her.

"You look very warm, actually." I brought my cool cheek to her heated one, barely noticing the sounds Bella made. Was she trying to ask me something? I didn't know.

"Mmmmmmm….." was all I could get out as I breathed her in.

"It seems to be," Bella had finally started forming words, "much easier for you, now, to be close to me."

"Does it seem that way to you?" The venom on my tongue and the fire in my throat proved otherwise but I needed more. It was torture and ecstasy. I traced her jaw with my nose and moved her damp hair away from her neck, exposing the delicate flesh beneath her ear. With painful slowness, I leaned in and placed my lips to her skin. My eyes closed involuntarily as I savored the warmth and taste of her.

"Much, much easier." Bella sounded weak.

"Hmm."

"So I was wondering…" Bella's words were lost as I slowly drew lines across her collarbone with my fingertip, my lips still on her neck.

"Yes?"

"Why is that," Bella's voice wavered, "do you think?"

I smiled and laughed softly at her persistence. "Mind over matter."

I was about to continue on my previous course when Bella suddenly shifted away from me. The movement stunned my senses, releasing the hold on my restraint. The fire burst in my throat and I immediately stopped breathing and moving. I stared up into Bella's eyes silently, focusing my thoughts. Finally, I was able to speak.

"Did I do something wrong?" I asked.

"No—the opposite. You're driving me crazy."

I thought for a moment about her words. I had hoped she was enjoying herself like I was and her confession now pleased me greatly.

"Really?" I grinned proudly.

"Would you like a round of applause?"

"I'm just pleasantly surprised. In the last hundred years or so I'd never imagined anything like this. I didn't believe I would ever find someone I wanted to be with…in another way than my brothers and sisters. And then to find, even though it's all new to me, that I'm good at it….at being with you…." I trailed off.

"You're good at everything." She conceded. At that we both laughed softly. "But how can it be so easy now? This afternoon…"

"It's not _easy_," I tried to stress the word. I explained that in the meadow I wasn't sure if I would be able to restrain myself. As I spoke I held her hand, lifting her wrist to my face and breathed in. I told her that I decided that I wouldn't be overcome by it, that I could resist her.

"So there's no possibility now?"

"Mind over matter." I smiled.

"Wow that was easy."

_Wow that's an understatement!_

"Easy for you!" My Bella couldn't really understand and I hoped that it didn't make her lose focus on the danger. The thought shook me and I spoke again, very low and very serious. "I'm trying. If it gets to be…too much, I'm fairly certain I'll be able to leave." I told her it would be difficult again the next day, because I would be away from her.

"Don't go away, then." Bella pleaded. She didn't need to beg; I would do anything for her.

"That suits me. Bring on the shackles—I'm your prisoner." I took her small wrists in my hands and held her, laughing. I was exuberant and Bella noticed.

"You seem more…optimistic than usual. I haven't seen you like this before."

Was I always so brooding? What a terrible disposition I had before my Bella brought me back to life. I was in love now-and forever. She had changed me so completely. I'd never truly understood the power of such emotions until now, all my perceptions paled in comparison.

"Isn't it supposed to be like this?" I smiled gratefully at her. "The glory of first love, and all that. It's incredible, isn't it, the difference between reading about something, seeing it in the pictures, and experiencing it?"

Bella had been staring down my hands around hers while I spoke. "Very different," she raised her face to mine now, "more forceful than I'd imagined." Bella held my gaze, wiling me to continue.

All of my jumbled thoughts became words and I let them pour out to her. I told her of my jealousy of Newton, how it surprised me, how anxious I was over her. I explained to her when I knew I couldn't leave her alone anymore; I just had to be near to her, learn about her as wrong as it was to do. Confessing all now, I told her how I watched her sleep and how it thrilled me to no end when she said my name. I paused, listening to Bella's breathing and the heavy pounding of her heart before continuing. Eventually we came to Bella's ridiculous concern over Rosalie's beauty and how Carlisle had hoped we would be mates.

"There's no competition." I smiled widely and pulled Bella to me, tightly, willing her to believe me.

"I _know_ there's no competition." Bella's words vibrated against my shirt as she mumbled her argument. "That's the problem."

Was this girl mad? Did she not see herself at all? All day I had given her the highest praises, bared my soul to her. I'd never been happier in all my existence. I had to prove to her how earnestly I felt, how true I was to her, how _never_ would any other woman compare.

"Of course Rosalie is beautiful in her way, but even if she wasn't like a sister to me, even if Emmett didn't belong with her, she could never have one tenth, no, one hundredth of the attraction you hold for me. For almost ninety years I've walked among my kind, and yours…all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything, because you weren't alive yet."

Bella stared at me, seemingly convinced; her voice soft now. "It hardly seems fair. I haven't had to wait at all. Why should I get off so easily?"

Oh the logic! She _was_ mad…

"You're right; I should make this harder for you, definitely." I joked as I touched her damp hair, smoothing it. "You only have to risk your life every second you spend with me, thats surely not much. You only have to turn your back on nature, on humanity…what's that worth?" My words came out pleasant, almost flippant, but inside I felt their truth hit me. She didn't fully understand the danger she was in. And she most certainly didn't appreciate the effect my existence had on me and my family: the loss, the monotony…

"Very little—I don't feel deprived." Bella answered breezily.

"Not yet." My inner thoughts, my turmoil, surfaced. My thoughts drifted to the life I could've led. I would've enjoyed so much being a soldier, a husband, a father. Even the small things that humans took for granted I still wanted: the sun's warmth, the taste of food, a peaceful night's sleep.

_Just one little look. I have to settle my nerves. She's probably sound asleep by now._

"Lie down!" I nearly pushed Bella off me and I disappeared into the darkness. Seconds later, Charlie cracked the door and peered in.

_Just what I thought… I don't know why I doubted her anyway; she's such a good kid._

I thanked the heavens that Charlie was duped by Bella's shoddy imitation of real sleep. He quietly backed out. I listened until I heard him retire to his room before I swiftly slid in next to Bella, grasping her with my arm.

"You are a terrible actress—I'd say that career path is out for you." I whispered in her ear.

"Darn it." Bella's sweet little heart was raring now. Mine would've been too, if it could. Being this close to her was scandalous but I couldn't help myself. I began to hum the song I'd written for her, trying to calm us both.

"Should I sing you to sleep?" I asked after a moment.

"Right, like I could sleep with you here!"

"You do it all the time." I corrected, smiling against her back.

"But I didn't know you were here." Bella's tone was cold, maybe she was still in shock over my spying.

"So if you don't want to sleep…" I trailed off, leaving the innuendo hanging.

"If I don't want to sleep…?" It seemed Bella's heart skipped a beat. She said nothing.

_Silly Bella, I'm a gentleman._

"What do you want to do then?" I pushed, curious to hear what she would say.

More silence.

I craved to know what she was imagining.

"I'm not sure." She finally admitted.

"Tell me when you decide."

As I waited patiently for her, I took advantage of how close I was to her perfect neck; my nose gliding over it again and again. I was floating when she spoke again.

"I thought you were desensitized."

"Just because I'm resisting the wine doesn't mean I can't appreciate the bouquet,"  
I whispered, my lips lingering near her ear. "You have a very floral smell, like lavender…or freesia. It's mouthwatering."

"Yeah, it's an off day when I don't get somebody telling me how edible I smell." She joked. I laughed at her lightheartedness. I was so comfortable with her.

"I've decided what I want to do. I want to hear more about you." Bella had finally decided. Every time she spoke it was a surprise, a rarity, and I cherished it.

"Ask me anything."

"Why do you do it? I still don't understand how you can work so hard to resist what you…are. Please don't misunderstand, of course I'm glad you do. I just don't see why you would bother in the first place."

Again I was surprised. Her question was rather deep and I wanted to answer it the best I could. I wanted to impress upon her that we didn't ask for this. It was vital for me that she knew that just because my family and I had unfortunate circumstances, events that ended us in our current lot, we could live civilly. We didn't _have_ to kill humans. Humanity was imperative in our lives.

So that is what I said, in so many words.

Bella remained quiet.

"Did you fall asleep?"

"No."

I wanted to so badly to know what she was thinking. Did she appreciate my efforts? Did she understand now why I lived this way? Did it make me less of a monster in her eyes?

"Is that all you were curious about?" I prodded.

Of course it wasn't. Bella asked about our gifts. The only way I could explain such things was with an educated guess; Carlisle had figured that our powers were linked to our strongest traits as humans. She asked where we started, if there a so-called evolution or creation of vampires. I wasn't sure why she asked such things, but I tried my best to answer.

"…is it so hard to believe that the same force that created the delicate angelfish with the shark, the baby seal and the killer whale, could create both our kinds together?" I asked.

"Let me get this straight—I'm the baby seal, right?"

_Oh sweet, sweet Bella_. "Right." I kissed her hair softly. She shifted slightly but than stopped. I hoped she wasn't uncomfortable or too exhausted because of me.

"Are you ready to sleep? Or do you have any more questions?"

"Only a million or two." She confessed.

"We have tomorrow, and the next day, and the next…" I smiled at that thought.

"Are you sure you won't vanish in the morning? You are mythical, after all." Bella joked, but there was an undercurrent of real fear.

"I won't leave you." I swore.

"One more, then, tonight…" She trailed off uncomfortably. Suddenly I felt her warmth escalate. It was as if her body was aflame.

"What is it?" My curiosity was matched only by my desire for her; the tempting heat that radiated from her was almost unbearable.

"No, forget it. I changed my mind." She mumbled.

"Bella, you can ask me anything." _Please!_

Silence.

I groaned in agony. It was almost painful to not know what she wanted to say. Damn her impenetrable brain!

"I keep thinking it will get less frustrating, not hearing your thoughts. But it just gets worse and _worse._" I couldn't help but whine.

"I'm glad you can't read my thoughts. It's bad enough that you eavesdrop on my sleep-talking."

"Please?" I begged in her ear, barely a whisper.

Bella remained silent and shook her head. I almost growled.

"If you don't tell me, I'll just assume it's something much worse than it is. Please?" I used my softest tone.

"Well," She paused.

"Yes?"

"You said that Rosalie and Emmett will get married soon…Is that…marriage…the same as it is for humans?"

_Oh! I was not expecting that. _

Good thing Emmett had long ago beaten my shyness of this sensitive subject out of me. His thoughts alone would give Bella sunburn.

"Is _that_ what you're getting at?" I laughed softly.

Bella squirmed.

"Yes, I suppose it is much the same. I told you, most of those human desires are there, just hidden behind more powerful desires."

"Oh." Bella was stuck on either silence or one word responses at this point.

"Well, I did wonder…about you and me….someday…"

My heart sank as I realized her implication. My body reacted, freezing up, as I wondered how I could explain. To say that I didn't desire her that way would be the gravest lie. I would hate to even imply she wasn't attractive to me. But my concern for her, the danger I posed to her far outweighed any physical need.

"I don't think that…that…would be possible for us." I finally confessed; feeling rather depressed.

"Because it would be too hard for you, if I were that…close?"

She was always so concerned with me, she didn't even see the risk to her.

"That's certainly a problem. But that's not what I was thinking of. It's just that you are so soft, so fragile. I have to mind my actions every moment that we're together so that I don't hurt you. I could kill you quite easily, Bella, simply by accident." I hated speaking so bluntly to her, I felt like a more a monster with each word, but she had to know. I tried to soften my words as I stroked her cheek. "If I was too hasty…if for one second I wasn't paying enough attention, I could reach out, meaning to touch your face, and crush your skull my mistake. You don't realize how incredibly breakable you are. I can never, never afford to lose any kind of control when I'm with you." I stopped, waiting.

Silence. _Again._

This time it was longer. Anxiety crept up in me. Was this it? Was it the final straw for her? I could understand that; I couldn't give her everything she wanted. My insides were about to burst.

_Please tell me!_

"Are you scared?"

Another moment passed before she answered. "No. I'm fine."

I wondered if it was the whole truth. I could only hope. And then something else occurred to me.

"I'm curious though, have you ever…?"

"Of course not." Her body burned against mine again. "I told you I've never felt like this about anyone before, not even close."

"I know. It's just that I know other people's thoughts. I know love and lust don't always keep the same company."

"They do for me. Now, anyway, that they exist for me at all." She sighed.

"That's nice. We have that one thing in common, at least." I had truly hoped for that response. It wasn't that Bella would be any less desirable to me if it wasn't, but it felt good to know we were both experiencing this together.

"Your human instincts…well, do you find me attractive, in _that_ way, at all?"

_You have no idea what you do to me, Bella._

I tousled her hair. "I may not be human, but I am a man."

Bella seemed assured…and very tired as she yawned.

I told her to sleep as I hummed her song, her lullaby. Within moments she was sleeping soundly, the picture of an angel in my arms.

In silent bliss I held her, more in love now than ever before. It seemed my feelings grew with each passing second. But along with that grew fear. Fear of hurting her, disappointing her, losing her. Bella was my one true love for all eternity, even if one day she didn't want me, my feelings would not change. I could only hope she cared for me like I did her. If so, I felt I could manage my nature and the danger it posed.

Bella shivered slightly. I frowned, knowing it was because of me. Very slowly I pulled away; feeling increasingly empty with each inch of space I put between us. Gently, I tucked the blanket around her small body.

I stood watching her sleep for a long while before deciding what to do next.


	20. Chapter 20

"…Edward…."

I froze in place at her bedside. Bella spoke so much in her sleep but I still went into shock at the sound of my name.

"…I love you…"

Bella's breathless words almost made my knees buckle; her simple proclamation shook me to my core. It was one thing to hope for her love, to sense it, but another thing entirely to hear it from her lips. Joy flooded through me, making my dead heart soar. Peace like I'd never known before calmed me. I leaned down next to her, placing my face inches from hers. I traced the back of her small hand with my fingertip, careful not to press too hard.

"I love you too, Bella. I will never desire anyone but you." I whispered in her ear.

Bella was everything I wasn't: flippant yet sweet and innocent to evil. She was warm, soft and full of life. I was moody and stoic. I was most definitely not warm, nor soft. Worst of all, I was not innocent by any means; I was a killer. I paused at the thought; I knew I didn't deserve her and I knew I was putting her at risk. I was so selfish! Despite that, I knew I could never leave her now; I loved her with everything I had.

Not wanting to linger on the negative, I continued on my previous train of thought. Bella had such amazing qualities. She was smart, loyal, and knew herself better than most adults knew themselves. I truly craved her love and her company more than any other person in existence. I closed my eyes as I listened to her steady breath and rhythm of her heart. I steadied my breathing to match hers and for the briefest of moments I felt alive.

"….hate gym….too green…"

I smiled, fighting a laugh, as I opened my eyes. Bella was definitely falling deeper into her slumber. I decided it was time to return home so I could clean up and change.

I stood up slowly and leaned back over Bella's face, gently placing a soft kiss on her forehead.

"Sleep well, my love."

As I ran onto my property, I smelled a deer straight ahead. Suddenly I was overcome with thirst. The day had been a drain on my usually perfect self control. I quickly took down the animal, nearly satiating my burning throat.

I walked home and up to the front door. Magically, it opened for me.

"Edward! Tell me! Tell me everything!" Alice pulled my arms, almost dragging me to the couch. "I am so happy and proud. You didn't hurt her! I knew it! Was it exactly like I saw? Does she love you? When can we meet her?"

Normally my first reaction would've been to say some sarcastic comment about twenty questions and roll my eyes. But today-today was different; I was truly _happy._ Alice was one of the few in the family who supported me and it was a thrill to discuss Bella with her. I couldn't help but grin like a schoolboy.

"Alice. Today was…it was perfect." I didn't know what else to say actually.

Alice groaned.

_Ugh! That's it? Will you bring her here to meet us?_

Strangely, even in the midst of the cheerful topic, I became anxious. I remembered what Alice had told me before.

"You tell me Alice. I'm sure you've already seen it. Just like everything else you saw about Bella-the good and the bad…" I trailed off, my shoulders sagging as I saw Alice's vision of Bella, dead.

_Dammit Edward, why do you have to bring that up? I know I saw something terrible…but it is not set in stone. Why don't you get that?_

"Has it changed?" I countered.

_No. _

Alice turned away.

"I'm sorry Alice. Bella is everything to me now and I just can't bear to even consider that something bad could happen to her. I will not allow it!"

"Edward, I truly believe she will be ok. I don't know how yet. But please, enjoy this; you've found love! Now are you going to bring her here or what?"

Truth be told, I wasn't sure about bringing Bella to a house full of vampires.

"I would love for her to meet the family, but I don't know if they would be up for it. I know for sure Rosalie would not want any part of it."

"Forget her, Edward. I'm sure she'll be fine eventually. As for the rest of us, I think it would be wonderful." Alice squeezed my arm reassuringly. "Bella has made you a new person; she has filled you with so much joy. How could we _not_ support that?"

Her words strengthened me in some way and I decided right then and there that I would bring her. At least I could introduce her to my mother and father. I hoped that they felt as Alice did.

"Alice. Can you come up here?" Jaspers voice drifted down from upstairs.

"Sure thing." As she got up she turned back to me. "I don't care who or what she is, Edward. I love you and if she makes you happy, I love her too. I already feel like I've gained a sister."

I smiled. It was the only thing I could do; Alice was the single most loving and supportive sister I could've asked for, even if her visions both angered and frightened me.

I headed upstairs to shower and change. I was going to return to Bella's room before the dawn but as I was walking to the door Esme stopped me.

"Edward."

"Yes?"

"I just want you to know that I couldn't help but hear your conversation with Alice-" She stopped when my brow knotted. She cleared her throat unnecessarily before continuing. "-and I would like to meet your Bella too."

I exhaled loudly, grinning as I ran back to hug her. Overjoyed, I pulled her into a huge hug, lifting her off her feet. 

"Thank you, mom. You don't know how much that means to me." I smiled.

Esme laughed. _Oh my gosh! _

I set her down and she looked up at me.

"I just ecstatic that you've found love my sweet boy. I'd always hoped for that. I cannot wait to meet her."

"How about tomorrow?" I asked excitedly, not even considering if Bella could or not.

_To hell with it. She'll come anyway. _I reasoned.

"Of course, Edward, that would be fine." Then she looked around, slight panic in her eyes.

_Oh my! I have to straighten up and make this place presentable._

Only Esme would have to clean a spotless house. I chuckled as I went for the door. "See you in the morning!"

I was already running when she responded; I barely heard her goodbye.

A few minutes later I jumped through Bella's window, breathing deeply as I did so. The scent knocked the wind out of me still. I'd been with her all day but even my short absence made it difficult again. I sat in the rocking chair in the far corner as I waited for Bella to awake, sitting in quiet contentment for another two hours before muffled sunlight crept across the room. Bella's breathing gradually became shallow and she began to move slightly under her blanket, her right arm draped over her face.

I was eager to see her eyes again.

"Oh!" Bella sat up quickly and her stunning eyes fluttered open. Her long hair was tangled about haphazardly.

"Your hair looks like a haystack…but I like it." I lied.

_I love it actually. You are so adorable Bella!_

"Edward! You stayed!" She jumped up and ran to me.

Before I could respond, she hopped into my lap, wrapping herself tightly against my chest. Her hair and face and neck were at my lips, jarring my careful restraint. But this time I fought it more easily.

Bella froze slightly as her brown eyes met mine. She seemed to be gauging my reaction, questioning me.

I laughed, opting to comment on her previous observation, as I gently stroked her back.

"Of course."

"I was sure it was a dream."

"You're not that creative."

"Charlie!" Bella ignored my jibe and ran to her door.

I told her that he'd left already. Bella asked to be excused for her "human" time as she liked to say. It really was quite cute when she did that. I waited patiently for her to return and when she did I held her in my arms again, rocking her. After some time she noticed my clothing.

"You left?" Her tone was accusatory.

"I could hardly leave in the clothes I came in—what would the neighbors think?" I grinned impishly.

She frowned, seemingly disappointed.

"You were very deeply asleep; I didn't miss anything. The talking came earlier."

"What did you hear?"

_Only the best three words in the history of spoken language…_

"You said you loved me." I whispered, overcome.

She nestled her head in my shirt. "You knew that already."

"It was nice to hear just the same." _Better than nice…amazing, fulfilling, magical…._

"I love you." Bella spoke softly into my sleeve.

"You are my life now." I assured her.

It was the truth, I was complete. I was done for; there was _no one_ else but Bella.

We held each other for some time before I remembered her need for nourishment. Stating such, I very easily threw Bella over my shoulder and brought her down to the kitchen. I watched her intently as she ate; it always amazed me that she actually enjoyed such food.

Finally I decided to break the news.

"Hmmm…what would you say to meeting my family?"

I noticed a large lump of cereal slide down her throat as she gulped.

"Are you afraid now?" Maybe she was getting some sense.

"Yes."

"Don't worry. I'll protect you." I smirked at the absurdity of my statement; I was both the predator and protector. I was torn between the two.

"I'm not afraid of them. I'm afraid they won't…like me. Won't they be, well, surprised that you would bring someone…like me…home to meet them? Do they know that I know about them?"

I lessened her ridiculous fears by telling her that they all knew everything. I explained that it was hard for them not to, with Alice knowing the future all the time.

"And Jasper making you feel all warm and fuzzy about spilling your guts, don't forget that." Bella chimed in.

"You paid attention."

"I've been known to do that every now and again. So did Alice see me coming?"

"Something like that." I grimaced slightly as I turned away from Bella; her comment reminded me of Alice's vision again and it was something I didn't want to consider. I had to change the subject, wondering if she was enjoying her breakfast cereal.

"Well, it's no irritable grizzly…" she trailed off, grinning.

I pretended to be mad, but Bella's little joke lifted my spirits again. I moved over to the window, thinking. I was going to introduce her to my family as my girlfriend. Shouldn't she do the same for me? After a moment I turned to her.

"And you should introduce me to your father, too, I think." _It only seems fair._

"But he already knows you." She argued.

"As your boyfriend, I mean." I wanted Charlie to know that we were serious. I wasn't just looking for some casual fling, I loved his daughter, respected her. He should know me and my intentions.

"Why?"

I was a bit confused. _Why not Bella? I'm courting you, aren't I. Shouldn't I get an introduction?_

"Isn't that customary?"

"I don't know. That's not necessary, you know. I don't expect you to…I mean, you don't have to pretend for me."

My confusion grew now. Why would she think my desires were disingenuous?

"I'm not pretending." I replied earnestly.

I waited for her to respond but Bella just looked down at the milk in her bowl, pushing at a lonely flake with her spoon. My patience dimmed.

"Are you going to tell Charlie that I'm your boyfriend or not?" I snapped.

"Is that what you are?"

"It's a loose interpretation of the word 'boy', I'll admit." I wondered why she was so resistant, bringing up ridiculous technicalities.

"I was under the impression that you were something more, actually." Bella avoided my eyes now.

Relief flooded through me. _Ah, that's what you were worried about! How serious I am about you? Bella, you are so ridiculous. _

"Well, I don't know if we need to give him all the gory details." Tenderly I reached out, lifting her chin so I could see her eyes again. "But he will need some explanation for why I'm around here so much. I don't want Chief Swan getting a restraining order put on me."

"Will you be?" Bella's eyes burned into mine intensely. "Will you really be here?"

"As long as you want me." I vowed.

"I'll always want you. Forever."

Bella spoke with such assurance and finality it both delighted me and frightened me. Even if she were true to her words and she wanted me and only me forever, could I let her? Could I let her live in danger for the rest of her days, letting her be part of my unnatural, dark world? Could I endure watching her grow old and get sick, until finally she passed on without me? I would be left to linger alone, with only a memory of her to sustain me for eternity. How could I bear that? How could I let her suffer that fate?

But even now, as I saw all of it, I knew I could not leave her. Slowly I walked nearer to her, reaching out to touch her cheek with my fingers.

"Does that make you sad?" Bella's eyes roamed over my face.

I was still speechless, lost in my own thoughts as I stared into her eyes. I was searching for something to tell me to go, now. But I found none of it, only love, hope, and concern. Finally, I found my voice.

"Are you finished?" I changed the subject.

"Yes."

"Get dressed—I'll wait here." 

I sat in the kitchen as Bella darted upstairs. I avoided pondering my thoughts from before. Instead I decided to focus on my introductions. I already knew Rosalie and Emmett were going to be gone, but the rest of them would be there to greet her. Bella was bound to be nervous and I hoped Jasper would help if needed.

"Okay. I'm decent"

I heard Bella at the top of the steps now and I rushed to the bottom to meet her. She must've not noticed I was there yet because she ran right into me as she came down, but not before I got a good look at her. She was wearing the blue shirt she wore in Port Angeles along with a tan skirt. Her long hair was all pulled back, exposing her slender, milky neck. She looked devastating. Instantly I held her away; her closeness tempted me. I took the opportunity to relish the sight of her again.

"Wrong again. You are utterly indecent—no one should look so tempting, it's not fair."

"Tempting how? I can change…"

_Bella, you are so absurd!_

"You are _so_ absurd." I kissed her forehead. "Shall I explain how you are tempting me?" I whispered. My hand slid down her back, I could feel the threads of her blouse under my fingers. Her body was hot against mine now, her hands on my chest. The pace of my breath tripled against her ear and neck. Very slowly I lifted her lips to mine, gently parting them between mine. 

A second later, Bella went limp in my arms. Quickly I steadied her.

"Bella?" My voice wavered. Panic set in.

"You…made…me…faint." She finally sputtered.

"_What am I going to do with you?_ Yesterday I kiss you, and you attack me! Today you pass out on me!" Bella laughed as I lamented. So I continued on. "So much for being good at everything."

"That's the problem. You're too good. Far, far too good."

I ignored her flattery; I worried that she felt sick. She denied it and although I wasn't entirely convinced, I conceded. Bella amazed me; she was far less concerned for the fact that she was visiting a literal lions den; rather she was more fearful that the lions wouldn't accept her. She was like no one else.

Twenty minutes later I pulled Bella's truck into my driveway, my house looming in front of us.

"Wow."

"You like it?" I grinned.

"It…has a certain charm."

I pulled lightly on her long ponytail and laughed and went to open her door.

"Ready?"

"Not even a little bit—let's go." Her feeble attempt at bravery was adorable.

"You look lovely."

Excitement and nervousness ran simultaneously through me as we walked up the front steps.

Slowly, I opened the front door.


	21. Chapter 21

Upon walking in, I instantly saw Carlisle and Esme as they stood by my piano.

Bella didn't notice as she took in the room. After a moment she still hadn't seen them.

_Edward, should we say something? _Carlisle asked me. I very slightly nodded my head no; not wanting to startle her. I gave her another second until I saw her look at them.

"Carlisle, Esme, this is Bella." I announced proudly. They smiled graciously.

"You're very welcome, Bella." Carlisle walked slowly to her to shake her hand.

I held my breath, unsure of why. My parents were so deliberately reserved, they moved slower than even most humans would. I wasn't sure if it made Bella more comfortable or less.

"It's nice to see you again, Dr. Cullen." Bella's voice was soft.

"Please call me—." I stopped listening to them when I heard Jasper upstairs.

_Edward, we'll be down in second. I am just trying to calm the situation a bit; your little lady has some strong anxiety. _

"Carlisle." Bella's now assured response relaxed me. I finally breathed again.

Esme reached forward, cautiously, to shake Bella's hand.

_She is just darling. And beautiful too. Oh, and her hands…so delicate…I hope I didn't hurt her. _

"It's very nice to know you." Esme smiled gently.

"Thank you. I'm glad to meet you, too."

"Where are Jasper and Alice?" I asked for Bella's benefit. They both appeared at the top of the stairs now.

"Hey Edward!" Alice yelled. Alice wasn't so reserved in her movements, running down the steps full speed. A half a second later she stopped in front of Bella.

_Good grief! I hope Bella isn't frightened of us._

_I thought I'd warned Alice how humans can react when we move at our natural speed. She swore that she would take it easy._

I panicked, along with Esme and Carlisle, not sure of Bella's reaction, but she just grinned happily. Alice defended herself to me.

_You see? She's fine. No worries….even when I do this…_

"Hi, Bella!" Alice moved again swiftly, placing a light peck on Bella's cheek.

My eyes widened in horror along with the rest of my family. I froze. How could she touch her so easily? How could she be so incredibly close? Did she not realize what a danger she was to my Bella?

"You do smell nice. I never noticed before." Alice stated matter-of-factly.

My jaw dropped.

Bella's embarrassed flush filled the room even further with her scent. Jasper was nearer to us now.

_I need to calm her again, that blush is maddening…._

Before I could respond to Jasper's inappropriate thought process, I felt very serene. Bella did too; she leaned slightly onto me as Jasper introduced himself.

"Hello, Bella."

"Hello, Jasper," she smiled and paused, "It's nice to meet you all—you have a very beautiful home."

Esme responded but I didn't hear it because Carlisle now had my attention.

_Bella's stunning. I'm thrilled for you, son. But I need you to know something right now. It's of utmost importance for her safety. Alice saw that we may be getting some travelers passing through and they do not follow our course of restraint. If they do come here, I will speak with them immediately about hunting. I am sure they will respect our wishes. Still though, for Bella's sake, please keep yourself near to her and be alert. As soon as I know when they may arrive, I will tell you. _

I nodded very slightly to him in acknowledgement. No one would even attempt to lay a finger on Bella or they would pay dearly. I finally turned my attention back to Esme and Bella when I heard my name.

"…Edward didn't tell you he was musical?" Esme looked from Bella up to me.

"No. I should've known, I guess." Bella frowned at me before explaining. "Edward can do everything, right?"

Jasper laughed. Esme shook her head at me.

"I hope you haven't been showing off—it's rude."

"Just a bit." I joked.

Esme tried to get me to play but I fought it until Bella requested it too, probably knowing I couldn't deny her. As I pulled her to the piano bench I heard Esme's rave reviews.

_She's so precious and my Edward looks so happy. I'd always hoped for this….and the way he touches her- so at ease, so natural. I must be dreaming! All my children- fulfilled and content. I couldn't be happier…I want her to come here all the time; she brings such life to this home. I wonder if she'll let me make her dinner….oh! Look at me…already acting like she's my daughter…_

Overjoyed now, I played with Bella at my side. Her mouth dropped open several times during the first song, Esme's favorite piece. My family was quite amused at her reactions. But slowly their sounds faded; all off to different parts of the house, so Bella and I could have some time to ourselves.

I finished Esme's song and moved on to the lullaby without a break. I could see the recognition in Bella's eyes. I helped clarify for her.

"You inspired this one." I whispered to her.

She didn't respond as she sat with me, caught up in the music.

"They like you, you know. Esme especially."

Bella looked around to find the room empty. I told her they were giving us space. So we sat and talked. Bella asked about Rosalie, seeming quite worried about her. I assured her that she was just having a hard time accepting it but she would come around, along with Emmett. It seemed Rose was rather envious of Bella for the simple fact that she was human. Bella seemed to understand, despite her shock and near disbelief.

"Esme and Carlisle…?"

I continued the lullaby as I assured her about my parent's feelings; both were thrilled to see me happy. When Alice came up all I would say was that she had her own particular way of looking at the situation. Bella knew I was hiding something; she was much too perceptive at times. But I knew I would not permit myself to speak of such things to her. My silence indicated that and she seemed to let it go, for now. But it didn't stop her from moving on to the next issue.

"So what was Carlisle telling you before?"

"You noticed that, did you?"

"Of course." Bella's casual response was almost comical; her skills at observation were nearing super-power status in my opinion.

I wasn't going to hide such pertinent information from Bella; I wanted her to know the danger other vampires posed and that I would protect her. Amazingly, she responded with a slight show of fear. Finally, a normal, human reaction! It made me feel better that she cared somewhat about her own life; I had been starting to doubt that.

We sat for while as I played on and I found Bella gazing about the room.

"Not what you expected is it?"

"No."

"No coffins, no piled skulls in the corners; I don't even think we have cobwebs…what a disappointment this must be for you." I teased.

"It's so light…so open." Belled seemed genuinely surprised.

"It's the one place we never have to hide." I answered intently. Our kind had very few places to be completely free. It was wonderful to have a home.

A moment later I finally finished the lullaby. Turning to Bella, I saw her eyes glistening with tears.

"Thank you." She whispered as she tried to wipe her eyes.

Her reaction overwhelmed me. I had hoped she would enjoy the song and she did, but the tears…I hadn't seen tears in a long time, at least not joyful ones. They were precious to me; something I could not experience. I noticed one still playing at the corner of her lid and I very gently wiped it away. Bringing my finger up, I looked quietly at the spherical drop, it was in essence a part of my Bella. With vampire speed I tasted it, so fast that Bella probably didn't even see. I relished it, the salty mixture. I wanted so much to be a part of her.

I looked back down to her inquisitive face. We gazed at each other for a while before I finally smiled.

"Do you want to see the rest of the house?"

We moved on through the house as I showed her the bedrooms, the office and so on. I had been walking down the hallway when I noticed Bella stopped. She stared up in shock at the crucifix on the wall. I laughed, knowing she was probably thinking of all the myths and movies that portrayed us vampires hissing and cowering in horror at the sight of a cross; untrue of course. I explained that it was Carlisle's, dating back from the seventeenth century. That led to me having to finally come clean on Carlisle's age. At first I worried I'd upset her; such knowledge could be hard to accept at first. Bella seemed to come around quickly, though, so I went on, telling her of Carlisle's father, the pastor. It was a sad story really; he was an intolerant man who hunted our kind mercilessly, making Carlisle take up the fight too. Eventually the tables turned when Carlisle was attacked and changed.

Bella's expression had changed many times over from shock, horror, understanding and sorrow. I hoped I hadn't overwhelmed her but it was wonderful to have someone to share our history with.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine."

It always impressed me how Bella could adapt so well to new information so quickly, even when it was frightening. It was one of the many things I loved about her. I could see something in her eyes now.

"I expect you have a few more questions for me?"

"A few." She smiled.

Excited to share more, I lead her further down the hall to Carlisle's study so he could tell her his story. Unfortunately, he was needed at the hospital but he gave me permission to tell Bella, so I did.

I watched her as I spoke. She was so calm, even when I told her all the ways Carlisle tried to kill himself when he was turned. When I mentioned how he swam to France her expression grew astounded, almost scared. I thought I'd done it. Maybe this was it, that moment when she would come to grips with reality and run. How could I stop her? How could I blame her? At least she would be safe then. I wanted that, but I didn't. I wanted _her_…my two needs were diametrically opposed.

Bella quickly assured me she was fine and not going anywhere so I continued on. Eventually his story came to me. I had to confess to her my rebellious years. In those dark times I'd taken human lives. At the time, I felt it was justified; I would seek out only those with bad intentions, the evil in society. Unfortunately for me, I was not immune to the guilt. I still battled with it now, many years later. I was afraid again, thinking Bella would find me appalling but amazingly she didn't. As I spoke we left the study and were now at another room. I paused at the door.

"My room."

I opened the door, letting Bella in and giving her time to wander. I watched her, thinking how incredibly free I felt now. All of my secrets were confessed, I hid behind nothing. Bella knew what I truly was and yet she still didn't run. Having her in my room was nothing short of miraculous, I was completely immersed in watching her explore.

"How do you have these organized?" Bella was pointing at my CD collection.

I struggled to extract myself from my emotions. "Ummm, by year, and then by personal preference within that frame." I stared at her.

"What?" She eyed me curiously, noticing my distracted tone.

"I was prepared to feel…relieved. Having you know about everything, not needing to keep secrets from you. But I didn't expect to feel more than that. I _like_ it. It makes me…happy."

"I'm glad." She grinned but stopped as she looked back at me. "You're still waiting for the running and screaming, aren't you?"

I nodded yes.

"I hate to burst your bubble, but you're really not as scary as you think you are. I don't find you scary at all, actually."

Bella's expression was so convincing I believed her for a second and almost let it go, but then I thought the better of it.

"You _really_ shouldn't have said that." I laughed but then I tensed up, ready to pounce, and growled.

Bella's eyes went wide, willing me to stop.

_I don't think so!_

And then I ran at her, pulling her towards the couch. We were airborne for a second before we landed. I held her tight against me, smiling; I loved having her so close to me.

_What the hell is he doing to her in there? Maybe we should go see…Jasper, come on._

I heard Alice talking in the other room before I spoke again.

"You were saying?"

"That you are a very, very terrifying monster." Bella answered breathlessly. It was adorable.

"Much better."

"Um. Can I get up now?"

I chuckled but didn't move. I heard Alice and Jasper approaching now. I shifted Bella so she sat on my lap. They came in, Alice first.

_Edward, you two are so cute! I never knew you had such playfulness in you…_

Jasper followed slowly behind her. He stopped short when he saw us on the couch.

_How can he hold her like that, so near? I can't imagine…how can he possibly stand it? _

"It sounded like you were having Bella for lunch, and we came to see if you would share." Alice joked.

My mood was much too elated to be upset with her; instead I grinned and held my Bella closer. "Sorry, I don't believe I have to enough to spare."

Jasper was more relaxed now, sensing the lightened mood. "Actually, Alice says there's going to be a real storm tonight, and Emmett wants to play ball. Are you game?"

Of course I was. I was about to say so when I stopped. Alice noticed my hesitation.

_I saw it already Edward. Bella will sit with Esme…it will be fun! Come on!_

"Of course you should bring Bella." She spoke aloud for Bella's sake.

Just to make sure I asked her anyway, she complied, and it was set. Alice and Jasper left to call Carlisle. Bella and I headed back downstairs so I could get her home before her father. We drove holding hands again, like the day before. I slowly turned into Bella's driveway and as I did, I saw them.

Billy Black and his son were waiting on Bella's porch.

I cursed under my breath, fury building up as I heard the elder's thoughts.

_I'm glad I picked today to tell Charlie…look at him sitting there. Deceitful and cunning, that's what he is…how could he do this? She must know the truth by now…if not, I will tell her right now! Charlie will know soon enough…he needs to understand the monster his little girl has decided to befriend…_

"This is crossing the line." I seethed.

Bella again understood; her perception sharp. "He came to warn Charlie?"

I nodded, too angry to speak as I glared through the window at Billy Black. The young one had his head down.

…_so awkward…I wish my dad wasn't so hung up on those stupid stories. I hope Bella doesn't think I'm crazy too…_

"Let me deal with this." Bella sighed.

I agreed. I was much too angry right now. She just needed to get them indoors so I could run home.

"Do you want my truck?" She offered politely.

I fought a laugh and smirked. "I could _walk_ home faster than this truck moves."

She ignored that and told me to stay. I would've loved to, save the fact that there happened to be my mortal enemy waiting on the steps of her house. Not to mention the boy whose thoughts of Bella irked me to no end.

"Actually I do. After you get rid of them, you still have to prepare Charlie to meet your new boyfriend." I grinned but wished I didn't have to send her in there with them.

"Thanks a lot." Bella grumbled.

Suddenly my mood shifted wickedly as I decided to taunt my nemesis a little. Who did he think he was, coming here and trying to ruin us?

"I'll be back soon." I assured her.

My eyes moved quickly to catch Billy Black's.

_You want a show old man? You've got it. How dare you even think for second that I'd hurt Bella?_

I leaned down quickly and kissed Bella's neck, right under her jaw. I didn't have to look up to get Billy's reaction. His frenetic heartbeat almost drowned out Bella's.

_He wouldn't, would he? …the Treaty…Charlie….No, !_

I suppressed my grin as I lifted my head up. Bella moved to get out of the car, much to Billy's relief. Bella barely noticed the exchange, instead turning to me.

"_Soon_." She pressed. Then she ran to the porch. I watched silently as they exchanged hellos. Bella glanced over at me once more as she went in.

I stepped swiftly out the truck but didn't run yet. I wanted to wait and hear what Billy would say, expecting a warning. What I didn't expect was the boy, Jacob, to come running back out of the house to their car. I had to run quickly to the other side of the house so he didn't see me.

_Huh, he's gone already…good. Strange though, I didn't see his car. Anyway, let me just get this picture and be done with it…ugh! This rain! I'm soaked!.All I wanted was to see Bella again and now I look like drowned cat…!_

I couldn't agree more with his description, he did look terrible and that made me smile. His fixation with Bella was getting on my last nerve. While Jacob distracted himself rummaging in the car, I listened inside. Billy was telling Bella to be careful, that my family had a bad reputation and that he wanted to tell Charlie everything. Bella stood her ground, thank god. She defended me and my family, even going so far to tell Billy to mind his business and it wasn't his place to tell her father. I leaned weakly against the house, relaxing when Jacob ran back inside. Billy and he left a minute later, much to my joy. I started running before they walked off the porch.

I was home in less than five minutes. The whole family was there now; Emmett and Rose had returned from hunting. I went over to their room and knocked.

Emmett opened up.

"What's up?"

"Em, can I borrow your Jeep? I have to go pick up Bella for baseball." I grinned hopefully.

_Bella is coming? Spending the day here wasn't enough? Say no!_

Rosalie's thoughts on the matter were quite clear to me before Emmett even responded.

"Sure bro."

"Ugh!" Rosalie grumbled.

Emmett stepped out of the room, closing the door before he continued. It was a stupid formality; Rosalie could hear everything he said.

"You sure this is a good idea? Rose is not too shy about her feelings on this. I don't really care, as long as you're happy, you know? But is Bella going to be ok with this tonight?"

"She'll be fine. Alice already saw it." That convinced him.

"The keys are on the hook in the garage. See you there."

"Thanks! Oh, and Em..."

"Yeah?"

"Try and control your wife tonight. Rose is going to have to get used to this; Bella isn't going anywhere." I warned him sternly.

"All I can do is try, but I'm not guaranteeing anything bro."

I nodded and ran downstairs. This night should be interesting…

**A/N: Please review and let me know what you think. Thank you so much!**


	22. Chapter 22

I headed back to Bella's, slowing down substantially as I got closer. I wanted to make sure the timing was right for me to arrive so I stopped two houses back and listened.

"_You're_ playing baseball?" I first heard Charlie's incredulous voice.

_She has to be lying to me-like the other night when she said she didn't like anyone, and now I find out she's got a boyfriend! For the love of god…_

I laughed out loud at his words _and_ his thoughts. Now that I'd seen Bella in gym class, I would've thought she was making it up too if I didn't know any better.

"Well, I'll probably watch most of the time." She clarified.

_That better be all you do tonight young lady. That Edwin better not make any moves; I was teen once too—I know how it works…_

I frowned. Edwin?

"You must really like this guy." Suspicion still colored Charlie's tone. In his mind I saw Bella roll her eyes. I took it as a sign.

I made my move. The engine rumbled as I pulled up to her yard. I hopped down from the cab and walked up, ringing the bell.

Charlie answered, his eyes raking over me in a second; calculating.

"Come on in, Edward."

_I hope got his name right. Bella will have my head…_

I got it then, Edwin…Edward. Easy mistake.

"Thanks Chief Swan." I smiled.

_Well, the kid sounds respectful enough. Don't see that much these days. Good upbringing I guess…thanks to ... _

"Go ahead call me Charlie. Here I'll take your jacket."

"Thanks, sir."

"Have a seat there, Edward." Charlie pointed to a chair, as far from Bella as possible in the little room.

She made a face but I didn't mind. He was her father, I respected his authority; it was the proper thing to do.

"So I hear you're getting my girl to watch baseball." Doubt still colored his tone.

"Yes, sir, that's the plan." I made my voice as convincing as possible, so he wouldn't worry.

"Well, more power to you, I guess." _You're gonna need it buddy._

He laughed as he visualized a memory of Bella walking across the kitchen and tripping over her own feet, spilling a casserole of some sort in the process. I couldn't help it, I had to join in.

To poor Bella it was quite obvious she was the joke. "Okay. Enough humor at my expense. Let's go."

We both followed her.

"Not too late, Bell." Charlie warned.

_I can have the entire squad out in seconds if I have to!_

"Don't worry, Charlie, I'll have her home early." I assured him

"You take care of my girl, all right?" There was an edge to his voice that gave me pause.

_She's all I've got. _

His thoughts tugged at my heart. It was easy to forget that Bella had others that loved her, too. I was mistaken to think I cared for her more; they loved her differently but not any less. My resolve, strong already, was iron-clad now.

"She'll be safe with me, I promise, sir." My tone absolutely sincere.

Bella was impatient and walked out front. I followed with Charlie close behind. I'd almost forgotten about the monstrosity that Emmett called a Jeep until I saw Bella staring speechlessly at it.

The man in Charlie whistled but The Chief quickly followed.

"Wear your seatbelts." _Or so help me…_

I walked her over to the car, helping her in. We were almost ready to leave when I noticed Bella was still fumbling all over with the belts. I tried to act annoyed but honestly I was more than happy to touch her again. I glanced at Charlie. Assured he couldn't see me through the rain, I leaned over to her, helping her strap in. I lingered a little longer than necessary on her neck and shoulders but Bella didn't seem to mind. When I finally pulled away, I drove conservatively for Charlie's sake.

"This is a…um…_big _Jeep you have." Bella stated lightly.

I smiled. "It's Emmett's. I didn't think you'd want to run the _whole_ way." I wondered when she'd catch on to the hint.

She got through two more questions before it hit her. "Run the whole way? As in, we're still going to run part of the way?" Her voice cracked.

"You're not going to run." I clarified slyly.

"_I'm_ going to be sick." Bella moaned and bit her bottom lip. Gentlemen or not, I was rather easily distracted by that. She didn't know just how seductive she could be sometimes, even if she was talking about throwing up. I was partly a man—it was unavoidable. I leaned down to kiss her forehead and unwittingly groaned; the smell of her was almost otherworldly. Her naturally sweet scent was intensified by the fresh rain on her skin. Bella looked up at the sound.

"You smell so good in the rain."

"In a good way, or in a bad way?"

"Both, always both." I confessed.

We drove in the downpour for a good twenty minutes until I reached the woods. The rain had subsided by then. I told her it was time to run, only to be greeted by a very serious look of disdain.

"What happened to all your courage? You were extraordinary this morning."

"I haven't forgotten the last time yet." She blanched remembering it. I hopped out, opened her door and helped her unbuckle.

"Hmmm…it's seems I'm going to have to tamper with your memory."

I was going to relish this.

Lifting Bella out of the cab, I placed her feet safely on the ground and her back up against the door. I leaned into her, my face at hers. The smell of her damp skin would've made my mouth water if it could. Instead, all I got was a familiar burning.

"Now," I questioned softly, "what exactly are you worried about?"

"Well, um, hitting a tree—and dying. And then getting sick."

I wanted to laugh at her delivery; she was so damn cute. Instead, I leaned down to the base of her neck; the spot right at the middle of her collarbone, and let my lips linger there as I spoke.

"Are you still worried now?"

"Yes." Her response was slower this time. "About hitting trees and getting sick."

She was still much too coherent. I would have to try harder. My throat burned in anticipation as I let my nose glide up to her chin. Goosebumps followed my breath, trailing up her neck.

"And now?" My mouth was at her jaw now.

"Trees," her words came in short bursts, "motion sickness."

"Bella, you don't really think I would hit a tree, do you?" I moved from her eyelids, temples, and cheeks-kissing them each with careful slowness.

"No, but _I _might." The resistance was gone from her voice now. I smiled against her skin before sliding down to the corner of her lips. I wanted this as much as her, but I was patient; I had over eighty more years to practice _my_ restraint.

"Would I let a tree hurt you?" As I spoke, I allowed my lips to only faintly graze hers. Her bottom lip quivered; the movement almost sent me over the edge.

"No." She faintly answered.

"You see, there's nothing to be afraid of, is there?"

I almost gave in, letting my lips move against hers now, very slowly.

"No." She breathed.

I couldn't bear it any longer, finally giving in to her sweet breath, her rain soaked scent, her trembling lips and the tension that had been building up between us. I pulled her face to mine and kissed her with more force than ever before, fighting to be gentle as I moved against her. I was utterly enraptured with her. I _wanted_ her.

My throat burned from the effort but I didn't want to stop; I didn't have to, as long as she kept still…

Without warning, Bella's arms wound up my neck and into my hair, pulling me tighter to her warm body. The contact shot through me, igniting all my senses. Venom filled my mouth. Bella's lips opened as she sighed against my mouth.

I stepped back, pushing away instantly. My feet were unsteady. My hands shook with the effort.

"Damn it, Bella!" I sputtered. "You'll be the death of me, I swear you will."

Bella leaned forward, supporting herself. "You're indestructible." She gasped.

The mixture of the intensity of my reaction and her lax attitude frightened me. How could she take this so lightly? I could've just killed her without a second thought. My jaw clenched at the idea. Didn't she see how hard this was for me?

"I might have believed that before I met _you_. Now let's get out of here before I do something really stupid." I grumbled; sounding angrier at her than I meant to. Truthfully I was more upset with myself for putting her in danger.

Walking back to her, I quickly lifted Bella onto my back, making sure to grasp her arms lightly. Even in my state, I still had control enough to be gentle with her.

"Don't forget to close your eyes." I warned darkly, still shaken up. I ran as fast as possible; it helped clear my head. Bella was silent, even when I stopped. I felt back with my hands to find her, stroking her hair. "It's over, Bella."

I felt her grip weaken, so I let her go, promptly hearing a thud behind me.

"Oh!"

I turned to see Bella sprawled out on the mossy ground. Her eyes were wide as she stared up at me. Her mouth was wide open but nothing came out. I stared at her face for a moment.

Then I burst into laughter so loud I think the ground shook.

I faintly heard her grumble and stand up, wiping off her bottom. Another round of laughter thundered out of me-until I saw Bella walking off into the woods, clearly aggravated.

I swiftly caught up to her.

"Where are you going, Bella?"

"To watch a baseball game. You don't seem to be interested in playing anymore, but I'm sure the others will have fun without you."

"You're going the wrong way."

To that, Bella turned around and stomped off the other way. I wasn't mad anymore and I didn't want her to be either; this needed to be fixed before she ran off and got herself lost. I easily caught her again, wrapping my arm around her.

"Don't be mad, I couldn't help myself. You should have seen your face." As I pictured it I laughed again, helpless to stop it.

"Oh, you're the only one who's allowed to get mad?" She accused.

"I wasn't mad at you."

"'Bella, you'll be the death of me?'" She turned my words against me now, her face angry.

"_That_ was simply a statement of fact." I defended myself. Bella struggled against my grip but to no avail.

"You were mad." She pressed.

"Yes."

"But you just said—."

"That I wasn't mad at _you_." I cut her off, instantly serious. "Can't you see that, Bella? Don't you understand?"

"See what?"

"I'm never angry with you—how could I be? Brave, trusting…warm as you are." I stroked her arm comfortingly.

"Then why?" Her voice was soft now.

I moved my hands to her face tenderly and looked into her eyes. "I infuriate myself. The way I can't seem to keep from putting you in danger. My very existence puts you at risk. Sometimes I truly hate myself. I should be stronger; I should be able to—."

"Don't." I stopped short as Bella's warm hand covered my mouth.

Even then, to my great discomfort, I felt my thirst intensify. I heard the pulse in her wrist, the taste of skin right at my lips. Self-hatred almost boiled up again as I moved her hand away, placing it safely on my cheek.

"I love you. It's a poor excuse for what I'm doing, but it's still true." I watched as Bella's eyes lit up for a second as I spoke. I wondered what I had said right; all seemed forgiven. "Now, please try to behave yourself." Bending down, I placed a light kiss on her lips. Thankfully, Bella remained still. We made our way out of the woods into the clearing. My family was all there, setting up the bases, choosing positions.

Esme found us first. "Was that you we heard, Edward?"

Before I could respond, Emmett joined in. "It sounded like a bear choking." _Actually I thought little Bella there was finally making a man out of you…ha!_

As I rolled my eyes at him, I noticed Rosalie was nowhere near him or us; perhaps she actually listened to Emmett when he asked her to behave.

"That was him." Bella smiled at Esme shyly.

Alice bounded over to tell us it was time to start. As if on cue, thunder rumbled in the distance. With a friendly tousle of Bella's hair I was off, running to my position way out in left field. From my spot, I checked on Bella. She was still walking with Esme to sit on the sidelines. It warmed my heart to see them talking and at ease. I didn't listen though, happy to give them some privacy.

Emmett was up first. I hoped the sound of bat hitting the ball didn't startle Bella too much, the thunder was a clever mask, but it could still be rather intense. Thankfully I caught very well; I robbed Emmett of his homerun and caught the last out, stranding Rose at third.

We were going to the bottom half of the inning when I ran up to Bella. "What do you think?"

"One thing's for sure, I'll never be able to sit through dull old Major League Baseball again."

"And it sounds like you did so much of that before." I teased before running off again; it was my turn to hit.

Sometime later, as we were in the sixth inning, Carlisle went up to bat. I was behind him, acting as catcher when suddenly I heard Alice inhale sharply and my head snapped up. I focused only on her. Her eyes locked on mine and in that moment I saw what she did. If my heart wasn't already dead, it would've stopped right then and there.

There were three of them; two men and a woman. They were headed straight for us, probably noticing the sounds of the game. They're eyes were dark red.

I was at Bella's side before anyone else moved.

"I didn't see—I couldn't tell." Alice murmured, seemingly horrified.

"What is it Alice?" Carlisle asked.

"They heard us playing, and it changed their path." _Edward, I'm so sorry…_

"How soon?" Carlisle's voice was more intent now.

Everyone looked at Bella as I tried to figure out a timeline for us. I closed my eyes briefly, trying to listen.

…_hope we meet up in time…haven't played in years…_ I heard a male.

…_can't be much more than five minutes…_ The female.

But I knew better, recognizing the woods in their minds; they were closer than that.

"Less than five minutes. They're running—they want to play." I felt my face harden at the thought.

"Can you make it?" Carlisle's eyes darted to Bella.

"No, not carrying—." I stopped. "Besides, the last thing we need is for them to catch the scent and start hunting." My voice was strained now as I contemplated our limited options.

I tried to hide my panic from Bella as we decided to stay and continue playing; Carlisle thought it best to remain calm, like nothing was wrong. Hopefully the three vampires would merely satisfy their curiosity and move on.

I already had my arms out in a protective stance around Bella when Esme looked to me, fear in her eyes.

"Are they thirsty, Edward?" She asked so fast that Bella wouldn't have heard. I shook my head no, from the look of their eyes they had just fed recently.

I could only hope that it went that smoothly. Not that we didn't have more than enough backup; but any vampire, friendly or not, was a danger to Bella. I could've kicked myself for letting her come here. Of all the stupid, selfish things! And I knew that there were travelers coming, Carlisle had warned me. Worst of all, I had made a promise to Charlie tonight, and I was failing miserably at keeping it. Rather disgusted with myself, I held Bella closer to me as everyone else returned to their places.

I turned to her, knowing we only had a minute now. "Take your hair down." I tried to keep my voice tranquil for her, I wondered if she could see through it.

Bella looked up at me, her beautiful eyes knowing. "The others are coming now." She stated.

"Yes, stay very still, keep quiet, and don't move from my side please." I begged her, stress seeping into my voice now as I moved her hair in front of her shoulders, covering as much of her neck as possible. I prayed they wouldn't be too observant.

"That won't help." I heard Alice but didn't turn. "I could smell her across the field."

"I know." My tone was even more strained when I realized hiding Bella's mortality was impossible. I felt trapped.

Quietly Bella asked me what Esme had said before and I told her, unhappily, of our visitors' appetite. Her face paled and she went silent. I hated myself a little more.

"I'm sorry, Bella. It was stupid, irresponsible, to expose you like this. I'm so sorry."

I stopped breathing when I heard a slight rustle of leaves faintly in the distance. Instantly, I focused on the woods straight ahead. My family followed my lead, silently turning one by one to where my attention landed.

They were here.


	23. Chapter 23

I watched with silent dread as three vampires emerged from the trees. A dark haired one seemed to be in charge as he led the other two; another male and a fire-haired woman. They made their way slowly across the field.

Carlisle, Jasper, and Emmett walked forward to meet them.

Bella's heart was smashing like a hammer. She stood so close to me I could feel the vibrations of it on my back. I feared the sound would fill the entire space of the clearing; it was only a matter of time before they heard her. I trusted Carlisle would keep them talking and distracted. If they did notice, we would just explain. At worst, if that failed, we would fight them and win without a doubt. I reasoned that very few vampires would risk such an ordeal for one human. My logic reigned in my fear for a moment.

I watched intently as the six of them met up a few yards from us.

"We thought we heard a game." The dark haired one spoke first. "I'm Laurent, these are Victoria and James."

"I'm Carlisle. This is my family, Emmett and Jasper, Rosalie, Esme and Alice, Edward and Bella." Carlisle's voice was calm and friendly. They turned slightly as Carlisle spoke, not seeming to notice anyone of us in particular, much to my relief. I focused in on their thoughts anyway.

_What a large coven. I've never seen anything like it, quite intriguing. _Laurent seemed impressed with our family.

_I just want to play some ball, let's get on with it. _ The vampire called James was rather impatient and disconnected. The tone of his thoughts seemed nearly bored.

_Why are their eyes such a strange color? What kind of vampires are they? My man likes mine ruby red, he'd never go for these girls…. _The red-head was observant but a strong possessiveness clouded her mind. I stopped listening as Laurent spoke again.

"Do you have room for a few more players?" Laurent smiled hopefully.

Carlisle's voice was friendly now as he said we were just finishing, much to James' disappointment. He then asked if they'd be in the area long.

"We're headed north, in fact, but we were curious to see who was in the neighborhood. We haven't run into any company in a long time."

Not wanting to encroach on our hunting grounds, Laurent asked where ours was.

"The Olympic Range here, up and down the Coast Ranges on occasion. We keep a permanent residence nearby. There's another permanent settlement like ours up near Denali."

Even by his thoughts Laurent seemed genial and truly interested. I couldn't say the same for the others. Even so, Carlisle was warm and invited them back to our home. Eventually it was settled; they would come to visit and Laurent promised there would be no hunting in our territory. It seemed to be winding down, finally giving me a chance to get Bella the hell out of here.

Carlisle turned to us.

"We'll show you the way if you'd like to run with us—Emmett and Alice, you can go with Edward and Bella to get the Jeep."

During the course of the conversation I did not dare look at Bella, so as not to draw any undue attention to her. Now that it was over, I finally started to turn to her. We would wait for them to start running and then go straight to the Jeep. As I moved towards her, the wind picked up slightly, blowing past me and across Bella's shoulders and face. I watched, in utter horror, as her hair moved with it. I froze as her rich scent permeated the air.

It took only a second for him to respond.

_What the hell is that?..._

Immediately all my attention focused on the voice. The vampire James was now turned, staring intently at Bella, his face incredulous.

_A Human?_

My instincts rose fast as James curled into an aggressive stance, aiming straight at Bella now.

_That scent is stunning….almost as good as the other one. She's mine!_

I was so intent on watching his movements I barely comprehended his thoughts. He moved forward a step. In that instant I was fully in front of her, snarling ferociously. He would be dead before he moved another inch if I had anything to do with it.

_Why does he defend her?_ James' head cocked slightly as he tried to understand. _I see_. _She is his. Ha! This is even better than I could imagine; so much more fun. She will be mine…_

With his new understanding, James' dark thoughts quickly turned black in eager anticipation. I saw his mind: he was hurting my Bella, _enjoying_ her pain as she screamed, her beautiful face contorted in agony. The image shifted again to Bella at James' feet; limp and lifeless while he grinned a bloody smile, his eyes bright red. I wanted so badly to tear his head from his shoulders, but I couldn't move; my body was rigid with rage.

Then for the slightest of moments a hideously disturbing thought rocked me.

Looking at him now, I saw myself. The thought took me out of the moment, out of the field, away from Bella; away from everything-I was trapped in my mind. I saw it all, clear as day. I saw myself the first day of Biology; that uncontrolled, bloodthirsty demon I fought so hard against. I had fantasized countless ways to kill Bella, to enjoy her blood, with no thought as to who she was and who loved her. I shuddered at the vivid memory.

Looking at James now; nostrils flaring, the piercing eyes, I wondered if this was what I looked like to Bella that day. I shook with the cold, sinking realization that yes; it was just like me, but I was worse. My desire for her was ten times what James felt now and I'm sure it was quite apparent that day.

My only comfort was that I hadn't hurt her. I would not hurt her. I would _kill_ to protect her now. In my fury of emotions, I was only faintly aware of Laurent's shock.

"What's this?" Confusion was in his voice; I didn't have to listen to his thoughts to know he still didn't realize what was happening.

Carlisle was firm in his rebuff. "She's with us."

_Not for long!_

James shifted slightly to the right. Immediately I matched his movement, my eyes locked on his. He would never touch her. _Never._

_HA! He doesn't know what I can do. I can track her anywhere. There is no hiding. No one can stop me, especially him, even if he tried. That exquisite blood will be mine and they can't do a thing about it._

"You brought a snack?" Laurent's tone was disbelieving now as the realization hit him.

I was completely infuriated; James' thoughts and Laurent's comment compounded and I roared, my teeth glaring in the dim light.

My gut wrenched as I processed the James' thoughts. I hadn't considered what he was; I didn't see it until now. He was a tracker; his whole existence revolved around the hunt. He would find his desired prey, no matter what it took. Even though only seconds had passed, his decision was made. He wanted Bella, and _only_ Bella. He would kill her happily, just for the sport of it, the thrill of it. Seeing how badly I wanted to stop him only furthered his longing. A cold fear rippled through me; this wasn't over.

"I said she's with us." Carlisle's voice was harsh now.

"But's she's _human_." Laurent sounded truly shocked.

_Don't worry Edward, we're here, she'll be fine._

Emmett's thoughts drifted to me as he moved towards James and answered Laurent. Emmett's eyes never left James' face and I didn't move an inch, even as James slowly relaxed his stance and stood up.

"It appears we have a lot to learn about each other." Laurent's tone was soft as he spoke to Carlisle. He seemed to be trying to dispel some of the tension, but to no avail.

"Indeed."

"But we'd like to accept your invitation. And of course we will not harm the human girl. We won't hunt in your range, as I said."

_He can't be serious!_

I watched as James' eyes flickered in shock before racing to find Victoria's. She held his gaze for a long second before looking back to Laurent. My anger and fear muddled their thoughts. It was a few seconds before I could focus again.

… _not going to anyone's house; this starts now. I haven't had a challenge like this in decades and I certainly won't waste it over some coven's fascination with a stupid human._

We all stood in uneasy silence before Carlisle finally spoke. I barely noticed; my thoughts were frenzied. How could I've been so foolish to allow this to happen? She was human and I brought her right to them on a platter.

"We'll show you the way. Jasper, Rosalie, Esme?" He gathered everyone together. Emmett, Alice and I surrounded Bella.

"Let's go, Bella."

Then, for the first time, I saw Bella's face fully. Her eyes were wide with fear, her heart racing. She stood unmoving even as I spoke. My heart ached at the sight. I wanted to tell her it was over, but I could not. I tried again to get her to follow, but she didn't budge. I felt sick; seeing her terror, but she _had_ to move. I pulled her arm slightly harder than normal and she finally jolted into action. I held her tight against me as I walked, at her pace, to the trees. I could feel the piercing glare as _he_ stared.

_You can try to hide her, you fool! But I will find her, and when I do I will enjoy it. There's no way to protect her forever._

It was like he knew I could hear him, like his words were for me. But I knew that wasn't possible. My anxiety was tangible, rolling out in waves around me as we slowly made our way across the clearing. When we all passed into the cover of the woods I quickly drew Bella up on my back. She didn't complain this time as I ran, faster than ever before, through the woods. I felt her little hands gripping me but she didn't speak or move an inch. We reached the Jeep in a minute and I slid Bella into the back seat in one smooth motion.

"Strap her in." I yelled back to Emmett as he went in after her.

I started speeding over the moss and branches as soon as the doors were shut. I felt crazed as I raced through the dark woods, cursing under my breath. How could I let this happen? I was so careless! I had to get Bella away, as far as possible. The speedometer raced up to ninety-five as the tires hit the pavement of the main road. The tank was full, we could make it to Alaska or Canada or—

"Where are we going?" Bella's small voice questioned.

I looked up into the rear-view mirror. Emmett's huge arm was around her shoulder protectively, his face grim. Her precious face was pale and confused. She didn't know, she didn't understand.

I couldn't speak.

Bella was met with silence all around. Alice couldn't answer either; she couldn't see any sure decision from me and my rapidly changing mind.

"Dammit, Edward! Where are you taking me?" Bella yelled now. Her patience was as thin as my nerves by this point. I didn't look at her again. My heart would surely burst if I did. I kept my voice even and firm.

"We have to get you away from here—far away—now."

The Jeep lurched as I drove my foot further down on the pedal. Bella was squirming, jostling the seatbelt as she shouted loudly, panic leaking into her tone.

"Turn around! You have to take me home!" She cried.

"Emmett." My voice was dark.

Emmett held Bella tighter, fighting against her. The noises stopped but Bella's words continued.

"No! Edward! No, you can't do this." She pleaded.

"I have to, Bella, now please be quiet." There was no room for politeness; her safety was all I could think about.

"I won't! You have to take me back—Charlie will call the FBI! They'll be all over your family—Carlisle and Esme! They'll have to leave, to hide forever!" She screamed.

Always concerned for others, that was why I loved her. That was why I hadto protect her; she wouldn't do it herself. And she was right about us. But I would not, would _never_, let her get hurt, even if that meant that my family suffered. We knew how to disappear.

"Calm down, Bella. We've been there before." I answered coldly, focused only on my one, absolute goal.

I heard struggling again as she fought against Emmett's grasp. "Not over me, you don't! You're not ruining everything over me!"

"Edward, pull over." Alice's voice cut through the cab now; I almost forgot she was there.

I glared at her; there was no way I would stop until Bella was safe. Did she not see that?

"Edward, let's just talk this through." She insisted.

Her persistence angered me. Was she blind? Did she not see that James was coming for Bella?

"You don't understand," I screamed. "He's a tracker, Alice, did you _see _that? He's tracker!" I didn't know what else to say; I knew my words would make the point.

Alice paused, considering my outburst. Logically I knew she understood the situation; which was why I couldn't understand her persistence when she asked me to pull over…again.

"Do it, Edward."

"Listen to me, Alice. I saw his mind. Tracking is his passion—his obsession—and he wants her, Alice—her specifically. He begins the hunt tonight."

I didn't want to speak those words aloud; maybe they'd become more real somehow. But Alice had to know the gravity of the situation.

"He doesn't know where—."

"How long do you think it will take him to cross her scent in town? His plan was already set before the words were out of Laurent's mouth." I hissed.

A moment passed before Bella's gasp broke into our conversation.

"Charlie!" Bella cried. "You can't leave him there! You can't leave him!" The scratching sound started again against the harness in the back seat.

I paused, my foot lifted ever so slightly off the gas. With a sinking realization, I knew her words were correct. Alice agreed, out loud. I slowed down. After another second, I stopped the Jeep altogether but wouldn't give up my original plan. It was the _only_ way.

"There are no other options." I scowled at Alice.

I barely noticed Bella's protest as Emmett spoke.

"We have to take her back." Emmett argued now. Was he _crazy_?

"No." My voice final and harsh.

"He's no match for us, Edward. He won't be able to touch her."

Did no one understand? James wasn't a simple predator. This was his game—he had all the patience in the world if it meant his victory. This was his _life_!

"He'll wait." I retorted.

"I can wait, too." Emmett continued.

I tried to explain that to stop James, we'd have to kill him. There was no in-between with him. Emmett continued to see it as an easy fight, envisioning all kinds of vigorous action scenes involving him beating the hell out of James. I wanted to shake the sense into him.

"There's another option." Alice finally spoke again. I was furious at their lack of comprehension.

"There—is—no—other—option!" My voice raged through the small cab. I stared at Alice in anger and hopelessness.

Bella's voice broke through my rage again. "Does anyone want to hear my plan?"

"No." I grumbled.

"Listen," she begged, "You take me back."

"No." I wouldn't hear of it. I was not brining her back his waiting arms. She was crazy! I caught Bella's glare in the mirror again as she ignored me and continued.

"You take me back. I tell my dad I want to go home to Phoenix. I pack my bags. We wait till this tracker is watching, and then we run. He'll follow us and leave Charlie alone. Charlie won't call the FBI on your family. Then you can take me any dammed place you want."

I looked back at her in quiet amazement; the plan seemed foolproof. But a half second later I came back to my senses. There was no way I would endanger her. Not a chance. Emmett and Alice argued.

"It's too dangerous—I don't want him within a hundred miles of her."

Emmett tried to reassure me that he would never get past him. Alice sat quietly before telling me that she saw nothing; James wouldn't attack unless we left Bella alone. All the resistance was weighing on me. I knew Bella's plan was good, but it went against everything in me to turn around and head back to town.

"I demand that you take me home." Bella attempted to take charge from the back seat. It just added to the strain of my decision. I rubbed my temples, almost defeated.

"Please." Bella begged softly now. I was done for; I had no good plan. We would have try it her way but there were to be stipulations.

"You're leaving tonight, whether the tracker sees you or not. You tell Charlie that you can't stand another minute in Forks. Tell him whatever story works. Pack the first things your hands touch, and then get in your truck. I don't care what he says to you. You have fifteen minutes. Do you hear me? Fifteen minutes from the time you cross the doorstep."

I figured the rest out with Emmett and Alice aloud as I turned around. Bella and I would take her truck, they'd go home with the Jeep. Everything seemed settled but then Bella spoke again.

"I think you should let me go alone."

My hands shook as she spoke. "Bella, please just do this my way, just this once." I struggled to understand why she was pushing this.

Bella fought right back, just as strong-willed. Her logic was concise; her father would suspect me if I disappeared too and James would think I was with her no matter what, so I would do well to stay in Forks, at least temporarily. There was just the issue of her alone, which I voiced quickly.

"Jasper and I will take her." Alice chimed in. Always so helpful, I thought ruefully. Bella took advantage of the silence and continued on with her plan to outrun James. In my heart I knew it was the only way. But letting Bella go without me was like tearing the flesh from my bones—it was agonizing. I was almost convinced until Bella told me to meet her in Phoenix.

"No. He'll hear that's where you're going." I protested.

"And you'll make it look like a ruse, obviously. He'll know that we'll know he's listening. He'll never actually believe I'm going where I say I'm going."

Again, I had no argument; Bella's plan was as good as any. Maybe we could deter him for a while, at least until I arrived to protect her. Alice had to remind me, too, that she and Jasper would be with her in the meantime.

"I kind of like it." Emmett murmured. I caught an image again in his mind of him ripping James apart. He wanted a fight. I didn't want it coming anywhere near that, at least not with Bella around.

"Shut up, Emmett."

"Look, if we try to take him down while she's still around, there's a much better chance that someone will get hurt—she'll get hurt, or you will, trying to protect her. Now if we can get him alone…" His thoughts returned to their previous state.

I had slowed the Jeep to a legal speed as I neared Forks again. I mulled the plan over, coming to terms with it, knowing it was our only way for now.

"Bella." My voice was quiet and subdued now. I felt her eyes on me in the rear view mirror. "If you let anything happen to you—anything at all—I'm holding you personally responsible. Do you understand that?"

I heard a loud swallowing sound in her throat. "Yes."

After a few silent minutes we pulled up to Bella's house. Emmett, Alice and I sat rigid in our seats listening, watching for any sign of him.

Nothing.

"He's not here. Let's go." I finally announced. Emmett got Bella unbuckled as I got her door. Alice and he jumped out to watch the perimeter. Bella slid down in front of me, tears already in her eyes. I thought my heart would break as I looked down at them. She should not have to be doing this I thought angrily to myself. But it was too late; I couldn't take it back, not now. We needed to get this over with quickly.

"Fifteen minutes." I whispered gravely.

"I can do this." Bella mumbled as we walked to the porch. Suddenly, she turned and took my face in her hands, her eyes burning now. "I love you. I will always love you, no matter what happens now."

The intensity in her eyes leveled me. I loved her, too. But she was crazy if she was trying to say goodbye; there was no chance in hell I would let anything happen. It would never, ever come to that!

"Nothing is going to happen to you, Bella." I whispered, almost angrily. I willed her to believe me as I leaned towards her, my eyes blazing.

"Just follow the plan, okay? Keep Charlie safe for me. He's not going to like me very much after this, and I want a chance to apologize later."

I ignored her pleading, realizing we were taking much too much time now. "Get inside, Bella. We have to hurry."

"One more thing," I paused at her desperate tone, "Don't listen to another word I say tonight." Then Bella closed the distance between our faces and kissed me. The force of its passion and desperation shocked me. But as soon as it began, it was over.

"Go away, Edward!" Bella screamed.

She turned and kicked the door open, walked in and slammed it, leaving me stunned on the porch. As soon as I got my bearings again I ran to the side of the house and up to her window, jumping through. Moments later Bella burst through her door, tears streaming down her face. It alarmed me but I stayed silent. She didn't even see me as she went straight to get her bag from under the bed.

_What happened? She seemed fine before…_

"Bella, are you okay? What's going on?" Charlie's scared voice resonated through the locked door.

"I'm going _home_." Bella shrieked. I cringed as sharp pain mingled with Charlie's confused thoughts, quickly followed by a cold fear.

_Maybe he…? No…maybe…Oh my god, was she…hurt? I…I'll kill him!_

"Did he hurt you?" Charlie yelled though the door again.

"No!" Bella's voice cracked now. Neither of us wanted him to suspect such a thing. Bella finally saw me as she went to her dresser. I handed her every item of clothing I got my hands on.

"Did he break up with you?"

"No!"

"What happened, Bella?" Charlie was banging on the door.

_Talk! You're scaring me!_

"I broke up with him!" She spat out, breathless and shaking. I closed her bag, hung it over her arm and told her to meet me at the truck. She was already headed to the door as I jumped back out the window. Emmett and Alice met me in the front. Alice saw that James was on his way to the house already. We barely had time. They moved to the Jeep as I got in Bella's truck. I only made out the sounds of shouting but I was much too distracted to hear what Bella said to her father; I kept my attention on the surrounding woods. About thirty seconds had passed in complete silence before I heard him.

_Home sweet home…ahh…_

I twisted around violently in the seat, my eyes desperate to find any movement in the inky darkness. Alice and Emmett were down the road, waiting in the Jeep. I heard Alice's panic.

_Oh no! She's still inside and he's there, but he knows he isn't alone. Edward, if you hear this; don't do anything yet!_

I wanted so badly to go put an end to him right now. But what if I missed him? What if Bella came outside? It was much too close for my comfort. Suddenly I heard Charlie's voice and the word Arizona. This was it. The tracker needed to hear this. I listened.

_They are making this too easy. Might as well draw me a map, Arizona it is._

A moment later, the front door opened. Bella's ragged voice flowed outside. I looked at her.

"I have a key." She paused. Charlie stood motionless behind her, his face a mask of bewilderment and sadness. "Just let me go, Charlie. It didn't work out, okay? I really, really _hate_ Forks!"

Charlie's body twitched as a new bolt of pain racked through him at her cold words. He didn't move an inch as Bella turned and ran full force to the truck, her eyes wild; a mixture of pain and fear.

She pulled out quickly, but halfway down the street was consumed with her emotions as her tears flooded her cheeks. I took over, sliding her into the passenger seat. James was following us now; Alice could see him. He wouldn't attack; he just wanted to keep tabs on us. I didn't want to, but I told Bella. I told her why he wanted this so badly now. I explained his nature, the challenge, his goal. She was terrified. I was terrified. I was furious at myself for letting it happen. As usual, Bella was much more concerned for my safety, not hers. She was one-of-a-kind; completely selfless, the opposite of me, whose selfishness had put her life in extreme peril. And that peril was chasing us; I looked into his mind. I saw the trees passing in a blur as he ran through the woods, closely following our route.

_They can run. It's rather entertaining really and it will make the end of her so much more fun…_

I almost tore out the steering column as I struggled to stay calm. Finally, I neared home, pulling Bella's truck right up the front steps. Emmett was already at her door, opening it as I shifted into park. He held Bella tightly against him and ran into the house. Alice and I closely followed knowing James was right there, just outside the perimeter of our woods…

Waiting.


	24. Chapter 24

As soon as we got to my house, we rushed into the middle of living room. The rest of my family stood waiting. The tension was thick as I saw Laurent in the middle of them. In my state, I wanted to tear him apart too.

"He's tracking us." I announced angrily, my eyes bored into his.

"I was afraid of that." Laurent's tone was apologetic but unsurprised.

"What will he do?" Carlisle asked.

_He'll kill her. _

A low rumble formed in my chest at Laurent's blunt thought, although his words were gentle.

"I'm sorry. I was afraid, when your boy there defended her, that it would set him off."

"Can you stop him?"

_Are you crazy? James is a force to be reckoned with. I would never go against him…_

I pondered his thoughts, tuning out the conversation momentarily. Why wouldn't he stand up to him? Was he not the leader? James should listen to him, right?

Unless…

"You can't bring him down. I've never seen anything like him in my three hundred years. He's absolutely lethal. That's why I joined his coven." Laurent answered all my worst fears in his calm response.

Laurent glanced back over to me and Bella. His gaze worked her over for a moment.

_I don't understand…_

"Are you sure it's worth it?" He asked.

How dare he? I roared, unleashing my fury until Esme's painting on the far wall shook off its hook. Laurent's eyes widened as he stepped back a few feet. He decided not to stay with us, opting instead to go up to Denali. I watched him closely as he explained once again how deadly James was, finding only truth in his words. He apologized sincerely but again looked to Bella and questioned our sanity and her importance. I nearly threw him through a wall.

As soon as he was gone, we got started. Esme blockaded the back wall. Alice and Jasper were already upstairs, gathering their things to escort Bella to Phoenix. I was listening, watching _his_ mind. The tracker had moved through the woods, past the river behind our house. His thoughts were focused on the red-haired Victoria now. She was going to meet up with him. I was disgusted; not only was he one of the most skilled trackers in the last three centuries, but he had _help_? My fists tightened as I told my family the new development.

The plans were set in seconds. Alice and Jasper would take Bella in the Mercedes. Esme and Rose would drive her truck. Carlisle, Emmett, and I would hunt James. I hoped with everything in me that he would be distracted long enough for me to find him and make him pay. His thoughts alone warranted a painful death.

Carlisle asked aloud what I'd been thinking.

"Alice will they take the bait?"

Alice froze, her forehead creased in deep concentration. I closed my eyes and watched. There was a flash of Victoria pursuing Bella's truck. Another flash and James was following my hunting party; assuming Bella was with me. Alice's vision assured me. For a moment, a weight was lifted from me. I moved closer to Bella as we started to leave. I took a second to let my eyes trace her every feature; her long hair, deep eyes, flawless, smooth skin, her little nose, alluring body, and warm, soft lips…I drank it all in. Overwhelmed, I quickly leaned down, lifted her to my mouth and kissed her. To hell with my family and gentlemanly discretion-_I loved her_! We briefly held each other's eyes and I knew she felt it, too. I lowered her gently back down.

It was horrifying to have to leave her; she was my entire world. That thought sobered me. My trepidation returned, full force, and my eyes hardened as I turned to leave. I hoped she didn't notice. I would not look back at her, not like this. I wanted her to think only of the love in my eyes when we were apart.

Emmett, Carlisle and I stepped out to the Jeep. A moment later, Esme and Rose hopped into Bella's truck and drove off. We waited as I looked for James and Victoria. He still paced in the woods a few miles back. Victoria, driven by a fierce devotion to him, ran after the truck. I was stunned at the force of her attachment. How could I've missed it before? They were a team. But I did not linger on the past as we drove the Jeep in the opposite direction.

I waited to make sure he was following, moving away from the house before I called Alice.

"Yes?"

"Alice, the woman is gone now and tracker is behind us. Go."

"We're leaving now."

"Ok, good." I paused. "Oh, and Alice?"

"Yes?"

"Please make sure she gets rest and that Jasper keeps her from worrying too much. Oh, and see to it that she eats; it's easy to forget and she won't want to be a trouble to you…"

I trailed off as my hand involuntarily moved to cover my heart. It ached as I remembered the time when her stomach growled in the car after we'd spent the entire day in our meadow. I closed my eyes and envisioned that next morning, when I watched her wake up, before tossing her over my shoulder to get some breakfast. I winced at the clarity of my memories as I choked out my last request.

"And…please…promise that you'll keep her safe for me. I beg you; I cannot exist without her."

"Edward, I swear to you, she will be fine. We would never let anything happen to her."

"Thank you." I hung up and opened my eyes, watching helplessly out the window as the trees rushed by in a green blur.

As we traveled north, I kept in touch with Esme, too. She and Rose were to watch Charlie. Apparently it was needed; Victoria showed up at the house a day later. They thwarted her and eventually, after some attempts, it seemed she gave up on it.

Carlisle drove all the way to Canada. At times James was behind us and at other times, we were tracking him. He was always there, where I could see him, but for some reason he was just out of reach mentally. I couldn't get a clear read on his thoughts. It seemed he suspected something but I couldn't be sure. At times, I wondered why he just wouldn't quit. He probably knew we'd tricked him. Why did _she_ matter so much? Was there something I was missing? I tried in vain to hear him, searching for some information.

As time wore on, we tried desperately to hunt him down. I'm not sure who was more frustrated, Emmett or I. He wanted so badly to have a good fight. We were two days in when I realized that I didn't see him anymore. Anywhere.

Instantly, Carlisle called Alice. She relayed her most recent vision and my slight unease became fear. James had gotten on a plane. She saw him in a dark room with a VCR, and then in another room with mirrors. I couldn't make sense of it; we had no idea where these places were. Carlisle decided just to be safe, we would go to Phoenix soon and take Bella somewhere else.

I got on the phone next and spoke to Bella.

"Hello?" She spoke softly. Her voice was like a salve to my flayed emotions.

"Bella." I breathed.

"Oh, Edward! I was so worried."

Would she never learn? Was Jasper not calming her at all? I swear, I would—.

"Bella. I told you not to worry about anyone but yourself."

"Where are you?"

I told her how we ended up in Canada. How James escaped us and how I thought maybe he was going back to Forks to retrace his steps, or meet up with Victoria. She asked about Charlie and I assured her he was fine.

"I miss you." She whispered desperately.

My hand was on my chest again as I breathed deeply. I was empty without her, wanting nothing more than to have her safely in my arms. They ached without her.

"I know, Bella. Believe me, I know. It's like you've taken half my self away with you."

"Come and get it, then." She taunted me gently.

I'd never wanted anything more. "Soon, as soon as I possibly can. I _will_ make you safe first." My voice was hard with my resolve.

"I love you."

Her words warmed me and my tone softened.

"Could you believe that, despite everything I've put you through, I love you, too?"

"Yes, I can, actually."

"I'll come for you soon." I promised.

"I'll be waiting."

It was early the next morning when my phone rang.

"What is it Alice? Is Bella ok?"

"We were wrong. The plane, Edward…the plane isn't going to Forks. He's coming here!" The panic in Alice's voice froze me.

"What?" I squeezed the phone so tightly I heard cracking. A piece of black plastic landed in my lap. It was another second before I spoke. "Did you see any other changes?"

"No. The rooms are the same. But…"

"But what? Alice, Please!" I begged frantically.

Carlisle's eyes flickered anxiously to my face as he listened. I could feel my features contorting in distress. He and Emmett were already getting in the Jeep; seeing my expression they wasted no time.

"One of the rooms is in her mom's house. The other is her old dance studio."

My stomach rolled.

"We're coming now. Meet us at the airport in four hours." We were already speeding down the interstate, headed to Seattle.

I snapped the phone shut, cursing as I threw it across the backseat. Carlisle caught my eyes in the mirror.

_What is it?_.

"We are flying to Phoenix. Now."

Emmett grunted.

_Its go time. I am gonna kick this guy's ass!_

The trip to the airport felt eternal; as did check-in, the security lines, and the taxiing on the runway. We were silent for the entire flight. Carlisle's thoughts were only of concern; he didn't expect me to reply. Emmett was concerned in his own way; thinking through a dozen new ways to hurt James. I was more than tempted by each of them but remained quiet.

I pictured my Bella. My hands tightened on the armrests. I couldn't believe how stupid I was. I was so wrapped up keeping her safe from me that I ignored all of the other threats, all of the other vampires that could easily hurt her, that _wanted _to hurt her.

The flight attendant shuffled by. I caught her startled thought as to how my family and I looked like mannequins. We had been frozen in a varying array of strained positions, not concerned at the moment with looking 'normal'. Relaxing my grip, I shifted in my seat and pretended to stretch my legs. As if on que, Emmett and Carlisle moved too. The attendant told herself she was crazy and offered us peanuts, which we politely refused.

As we were landing I felt an overwhelming sense of relief; knowing Bella was close by and waiting for me. It was like my body was becoming complete again, piece by piece.

We walked quickly out the exit door of the ramp and into a huge terminal. I listened immediately for Alice or Jasper but there was a buzzing of thousands of voices and minds that it was difficult to focus. I tuned that out and instead concentrated on Bella's heartbeat. It was a one-of-kind sound; I could pick it out anywhere. I paused, waiting for it to become apparent but I was met with silence.

_Silence? _

My heart lurched but I fought down the panic. Maybe they were late. There must be a reason. They were probably in stuck in traffic. _Yes, definitely traffic._

Alice and Jasper's thoughts started to break into my head now as I moved forward.

_He's going to kill me…_

_How did I not see this?_

Every nerve ending felt alive and on edge as I walked rapidly to the sound of their troubled thoughts. The paranoia I'd beaten down rushed back, nearly choking me.

_Edward…slow down! You're moving much too fast!_

Carlisle's thoughts tugged at me but I ignored them; I spotted Alice and Jasper waiting. Much to my horror, Bella was not with them. Alice bounded forward as soon as she saw me.

"Edward! I'm sorry! She's gone! I didn't see it until a minute ago. She went to her mother's house. Somehow she lost Jasper. It must've been a split second—."

I held up my hand, silencing her; not having the time to be mad. Bella was out there, alone, with James tracking her every move. It was a race against time. Either I found her or he did. We needed to move immediately.

Carlisle and Emmett appeared behind me.

_Oh no. _

Their collective worry was instantaneous. All five of us rushed out of the airport. Although it was extremely faint, I found Bella's scent outside. It seemed to carry west. We decided to follow that as Alice called information. She got Bella's mother's address as we raced through the streets in the Mercedes. I was thankful for the dark tint; the sun was blazing. As we sat in tense silence, Alice turned to me and broke it.

"Bella said to give this to you."

She handed me a letter. I tore it open and read.

The paper shook in my hands as Bella told me James had her mother. I hissed. She said not to come after her, and that I shouldn't be upset with Alice and Jasper.

Wait…

_Not_ come after her?

She was crazy! She had to be to think I wouldn't try to save her. I gritted my teeth, my jaw so tight it nearly popped. Bella was always the martyr; self sacrificing to the point of madness. I shook my head angrily and crumpled the letter in my hands as I pressed it to my face. No one spoke as we drove. Finally we arrived at the house. I rushed in; the door was already unlocked.

"Bella!"

I yelled out before I listened, praying she would respond. For the second time today I was met with silence. The house was empty. I smelled Bella, though; she'd been here. My eyes scanned the rooms furiously for any sign of her or a struggle. The only thing I noticed was the phone, hanging off the hook. Other than that there was nothing.

I cursed.

Alice walked slowly into the den where I stood.

"Edward, I'm so sorry. I will never forgive myself…I…"

"Alice, help me find her." I cut her off. "That's all I ask. I know you did not intend for this to happen." I paused to look at her before following Bella's scent outside. Alice followed.

"The dance studio is the only other place. She said it was..." She trailed off as I started for the door.

The studio. Of course! That was the mirrored room she saw. I followed Bella's scent outside. It led down the street. I turned back to Carlisle and Alice.

"Get the car!"

We drove furiously through the quiet neighborhood, searching. Suddenly, Alice went rigid. Instantly I saw her mind.

Bella was in a crumpled heap, bleeding. A tortured look marred her face. Her mouth was opened wide, screaming. And even though I couldn't hear it, it sent a shock through me.

"Stop!" I shouted.

We were almost to the street so I threw the car door open.

And I ran….faster than I'd ever run in my existence. Thankfully, the streets were almost deserted. Not that I cared who saw me. I rounded the corner, following her scent. It was strong now. Bella's heartbeat sounded in my head, too. It was racing, erratic. Time felt eternal as my eyes wildly surveyed the signs on the buildings. But finally I saw it; the dance studio was right across the road. My family was already behind me.

Running up, I ripped the door off its hinges. Paint chips flew off of it as I slammed the hulk of metal into the outside wall.

I stopped only to breathe in deeply; wanting to locate the source of Bella's scent. What I got in return was sickeningly appealing; the smell of her blood saturated the hallway. I followed it and I kicked a door open, running into a darkened room with shattered mirrors lining the back wall.

And there straight ahead was James. His back was to me as he hunched over Bella. She made no sound or movement.

Had he…?

"Oh no, Bella, no!"

I didn't even realize I'd screamed out; time stopped in that instant. I was only faintly aware of my movements as I ran up behind him. I heard a light thump as something dropped to the floor but I couldn't see what it was. As James turned to me, his shoes squeaked in the pool of Bella's blood under him. He grinned slightly in a twisted mask of smug satisfaction. Fueled by rage, my hollow veins popped in my arms as I reached for him.

_He was going to die._

_

* * *

_**A/N: Please review! Thanks :)**_  
_


	25. Chapter 25

I dug my fingers through James' shirt, tearing his hard skin underneath. I dragged him back, away from Bella. He struggled against my grasp before I stopped and leaned down an inch from his face.

"I will _end_ you." I hissed murderously.

His eyes were wild, excited; like he wanted it. He grinned wide, taunting me.

_Now it starts! So sad he's too late for his little sweetheart. The worthless human gave up so quickly, I barely had any fun…_

Snarling ferociously, I punched him with all of my strength. All of my fury and hatred was in that one hit. His nose broke easily under my knuckles and he fell back slightly. He stumbled, still grinning. I ran up and threw him back against the far wall. Drywall exploded around his head at the impact. He pushed back against the wall and hunched down to pounce. I mirrored him, rage rocketing through me. James' eyes were blazing; he had lusted after this moment for days.

But almost as soon as it started, the fervor in his eyes faded.

…_what the hell?..._

…then emptied completely when he saw Emmett and Jasper looming behind me. Before he moved another inch they swiftly went around me and pulled him away as I turned to Bella. There was only a slight shuddering of the floorboards before a final deafening crack. I didn't move my eyes from Bella as they killed him; he was meaningless.

But Bella, she was here, in front of me-dying. All of my anger dissipated when I looked at her. I was completely overcome; feeling nothing and everything all at once.

"Bella, please!" I begged as my knees collapsed under me. "Bella, listen to me, please, please, Bella, please!"

My hands moved helplessly around Bella's twisted, battered form. I didn't want to touch her; afraid I would damage her further. My jeans became soaked with her blood as I kneeled next to her. I tried not to breathe at all, terrified to feel any pull towards the luscious liquid as it surrounded me. I _hated_ myself for even having that concern.

Bella lay silent and pale under me. Why wasn't she waking up? Was I too late? I listened intently for her heartbeat.

If she died today, I wouldn't survive. Physically I would remain intact but my soul would be destroyed completely. I would not continue my existence like that; empty and alone, not after I'd experienced such love and joy with Bella. I would never find another that was meant for me like she was.

Why didn't she respond? Her heartbeat was so slight that I almost missed it in my jumbled thoughts. What if it stopped? I would end myself, there was no other option. How would I do it?

_Jasper and Emmett certainly won't help._ I scowled in concentration. Suddenly it came to me. A family so unflinchingly protective of our inhuman secret they wouldn't hesitate to destroy me. _The Volturi…_

My thoughts stopped entirely when I heard the faint, unsteady rhythm of Bella's heart.

"Carlisle!" I screamed. "Bella, Bella, no, oh please, no, no!"

My entire body was shaking; heaving as I cried empty, dry, useless tears. I was racked with horror and guilt. How could I let this happen? I promised to protect her and I'd failed miserably.

I wanted to die-I wanted to die and take her place. But I couldn't. Eternity was a gift and curse, a dream and nightmare. I sobbed, completely lost.

_Please!_

I began to beg silently to anyone…anyone who would listen. I was hysterical now, desperate.

_I know I don't deserve her. I'm a monster and there is no good reason for you to listen to me now. If this is my punishment for a life of selfishness- of murder and sin-then hurt me, not her! Please God let it not be too late and I swear to you on my eternal life I will do the right thing; as long as my Bella is safe. _

Carlisle had positioned himself at Bella's head, Alice stood at her feet. His sure hands calmly touched her, surveying the damage.

_I've got to stop that laceration from bleeding out._

He found the cut on her head and pressed into it with his fingertips.

Suddenly Bella gasped, spraying blood onto my shirt; her face was covered in it.

"Bella!" I choked.

"She's lost some blood, but the head wound isn't deep." Carlisle was speaking to no one in particular but I assumed it was for my benefit. "Watch out for her leg, it's broken."

_That animal! _A roar nearly escaped my lips. I was so enraged; I wished I could've torn him to shreds myself!

"Some ribs, too, I think."

I felt sick.

_I should've seen this sooner...why her? How could I let her get away? I'll never forgive myself…_

Alice stood motionless as she beat herself up. Her guilt was all consuming.

"Edward."

I almost didn't realize Bella had spoken; her voice was so muddled. In my haze of anger and despair I barley heard my name.

"Bella, you're going to be fine. Can you hear me, Bella? I love you."

"Edward." She repeated.

My heart leapt. I touched her arm lightly to assure her.

"Yes, I'm here."

"It hurts."

The pain was evident in her tone; it hurt me to hear it.

"I know, Bella, I know." I turned to Carlisle.

"Can't you do anything?" I begged.

"My bag, please…Hold your breath, Alice, it will help." Carlisle spoke calmly.

Alice complied quickly, happy to be of use now so she didn't have to think anymore.

"Alice?" Bella mumbled.

"She's here; she knew where to find you." I explained, hoping Alice would take comfort in my words too.

"My hand hurts."

"I know, Bella. Carlisle will give you something; it will stop." I quickly tried to calm her. I tried to understand why she only seemed to notice her pain there; the gash in her head and her broken led seemed much more serious. Maybe she had hit her head harder than I thought…

"My hand is burning!" Bella tortured scream filled the room. The tone of her voice had changed.

"Bella?" I was instantly nervous.

"The fire! Someone stop the fire!"

Her cry ripped through me as I finally realized why her screams sounded so familiar now. I choked back a sob.

"He bit her." Carlisle confirmed my fear. My breath stopped in my throat. I'd thought I gotten to him in time but I was wrong.

I froze; horrorstruck.

"Edward, you have to do it." Alice whispered as she leaned over Bella's head, wiping the blood from her eyes.

_I saw it Edward. It's her future…this is how it happens. Just let it be…_

She could not mean what I thought. I would never. I couldn't. It went against all the good that was left in me.

"No!" I burst out, my heart wrenching in two.

"There may be a chance." _The ancients had told me of rare cases…_

"What?" I was desperate for another alternative; my mind wouldn't even allow me to envision Bella like one of us.

"See if you can suck the venom back out. The wound is fairly clean."

"Will that work?" Alice asked.

I barely listened as his words sunk in. Would I be able to do such a thing? Any blood would be near impossible to resist, but Bella's? The temptation would be _too_ much.

"Carlisle, I…I don't know if I can do that." My tone was strained; fear was gripping me. I didn't want to acknowledge the situation I was in.

"It's your decision, Edward, either way. I can't help you. I have to get this bleeding stopped here if you're going to be taking blood from her hand."

Bella's body shook suddenly. Her shattered leg twisted violently. She yelled out once more for me and finally opened her eyes, finding my face. I wondered what I must've looked like, sitting here as I decided her fate. Her eyes begged me to act.

"Alice, get me something to brace her leg! Edward you must do it now, or it will be too late."

My entire being was wrought with pain. I had to make an impossible choice immediately: let my beautiful, warm, sweet Bella turn into a cold, hard monster, or try to drink from her without murdering her. I knew I couldn't let her change, not when she had so much to live for. I would not take her soul.

I looked into Bella's eyes once more before I set my decision into place in my heart.

Gently, with extra care, I picked up Bella's small hand. Alice was silent as she braced Bella, still not breathing. Carlisle nodded grimly.

_You will stop, son. We won't let you hurt her. _

I tried to believe him as I lowered my mouth to her hand, softly placing my lips over the bite mark. I paused, testing my strength.

_You can do this Edward._

I didn't know whose thoughts I'd heard because I bit Bella in that instant. Bella's body jerked sickeningly as the razor sharp edges of my teeth sank easily into her soft skin. Her hot blood shot into my mouth, I shuddered as it flowed freely over my lips. The flavor, the full _power _of her, was indescribable. It was as if I'd never truly tasted anything before in my existence.

I fought to keep my senses alert as I gulped another mouthful of the divine liquid. For the briefest of seconds I considered never stopping. I wanted to suck every drop out of her. I struggled to focus as my body was imbued with her essence. It was as if my thoughts ceased and my thirst was gone…not just quelled, but completely satiated. I felt strong and alive as her blood rushed through my dry veins, igniting them. The demon I'd always struggled against now rejoiced. I'd never wanted to drain any other living being like I did now. I felt my teeth slip slightly deeper into her flesh as her blood ran warm and sweet over my tongue. God she was _perfect_! Why didn't I do this sooner? How could I've resisted this for so long? My eyes closed as reveled in the moment.

I tasted as the venom passed out of her bloodstream and into me. Although it only slightly diminished the flavor, it brought me back into focus for a moment. It was only then I heard the voices in my head. I tried to ignore them as I gulped greedily. Suddenly I tasted the morphine Carlisle had given her. It shocked me momentarily into listening.

_Son, the venom should be out. You must stop!_

_Edward, STOP! Her future keeps changing…Please! _

I stopped swallowing, but my mouth didn't move. I shook with restraint as the last of Bella's blood filtered down my throat. How could I possibly stop? My body lurched as the monster fought me; its desire for her swept over me like a tidal wave of lust. Somehow, though, I held back, trembling as I pulled away from her skin. I sat back feebly, sinking heavily to the floor and covering my face in my hands.

My emotions were raw; I was high from the taste of her, then contrite; I'd almost killed her myself! Then, almost instantly, I was almost proud; I _did_ stop, even when it seemed impossible. Somehow I had stopped. I looked down at Bella's body and listened. Her heart was beating calmly, but weak; she'd lost so much of her blood. Her face was serene, her eyes were closed. Slowly she shifted.

"Edward." She breathed.

My breath caught. I couldn't speak as I sobbed silently into my hands. Hearing her say my name, after what I'd just done to her, rocked me. There was not another in this world that could affect me in such a way. In that instant, I felt such a surge of love for her that it bordered physical pain.

"He's right here." Alice spoke softly to her.

"Stay, Edward, stay with me…" Bella pleaded.

"I will." I finally spoke now, my throat tight with emotion.

She sighed and her body relaxed at the sound of my voice.

Carlisle looked at me. "Is it all out?"

"Her blood tastes clean. I can taste the morphine." I whispered.

"Bella?" Carlisle turned to Bella now.

"Mmmmmm?" Her eyebrows raised but nothing else on her face moved; the drugs were taking effect I could see.

"Is the fire gone?"

"Yes. Thank you Edward."

_Oh my sweet, beautiful Bella. You are the love of my existence. _"I love you."

"I know." She whispered sleepily.

I laughed, exhausted and relieved.

Carlisle asked Bella a couple more questions as Emmett and Jasper returned. In the mayhem I hadn't even realized they'd left; Jasper couldn't handle all the blood. He and Emmett moved quickly around the studio, covering every visible surface with gasoline. I finally looked behind me and saw what was left of James. I glared furiously at the pieces of him, barely satisfied with his end; I would've loved to have done it myself. Emmett held up a match and waited for Carlisle's word.

"It's time to move her." He motioned to me.

I moved back to Bella, lowering myself next to her. Emmett dropped the lit match.

"No. I want to sleep." She mumbled; unaware of what was happening around her.

"You can sleep, sweetheart, I'll carry you."

I gently picked her up, holding her close against my chest, as I swiftly left the room. Behind me, the fire licked angrily across the floor.

"Sleep now, Bella." I whispered softly in her ear.

…


	26. Chapter 26

Bella's face was peaceful as she slept; it belied the turmoil she'd just endured. Alice had wiped it clean and Carlisle had stopped the bleeding. Ironically enough, my face held no tearstains from sobbing, my hands no bruises from fighting. The only evidence of the horrors we'd experienced were from the neck down. Bella's leg hung awkwardly from the rest of her body and our clothing was bloodstained. I sighed, exhausted and depressed, as I held her tightly to me in the backseat of the Mercedes as Carlisle raced to the nearest hospital.

I refused to let my eyes wander from her as I traced, and re-traced her immaculate features. Her nose, cheeks and eyelids were first, then her soft lips and her slender neck. Even her matted hair, where the blood had almost dried, was still perfect to me as I fingered through it. I lifted her hand, staring at the half moon shape of the bite marks that now covered it, mine overlapping James'. A low growl erupted in me as I thought of his name in my mind. Bella's skin was purple, red, and swollen. I knew the scar would never quite fade; it would always be a constant reminder of him. Maybe one day it would mean more, something _better_; the proof that I _was_ strong enough, that I saved her.

Carlisle made quick business of having Bella admitted at St. Lukes Medical Center. He took charge rather quickly as soon as she had a room; it wasn't hard for any of the staff to listen to him. Humans, on the whole, could be persuaded easily. Besides that, Carlisle was an authority; he knew his craft. He had been around to witness the history of modern medicine in the making. I would never let any other care for Bella.

Even with all that, an uneasy feeling started to bubble up inside me that first day as I sat next to her bed. I couldn't quite recognize what I felt. I watched as Carlisle added extra morphine to her drip and started a transfusion before checking over and notating her injuries. His movements were sure and thorough, but my distress grew with each one. Every scrape of his pen on the chart tore at my insides as it compounded with his mental checklist.

_Four broken costae. Right tibia is shattered. Lacerations on and cracking of the frontal and parietal lobes of the skull. Extensive contusions to arms and legs as well as midsection…_

Due to my many years in medical school, I understood quickly the severity of her injuries. I felt nauseous. A nurse entered to help Carlisle. The despair I felt didn't improve when they started treating her. Again, I was trapped in silent horror. It felt as if a piece of me broke with the snap of her leg as they set it, and again with each the snip of the scissors used to cut the stitches placed in her head. Even the wet slap of the plaster as they wrapped her leg pulled me apart piece by piece, layer by layer.

She was safe now. So why did I feel such trepidation? It was like some horrible darkness threatened to overtake me, but it sat at the edges of my consciousness. I couldn't understand it yet.

When they were finished, Carlisle left to find Alice; someone had to call Charlie and Renee. The nurse checked the IV's and quietly moved on. I sat gently on the edge of Bella's bed. I stroked her face, as light as feather, careful to avoid the tubes and wires. I bit back a sob as I spoke softly.

"Bella, love. I am so sorry." My voice broke on the last word. "I should've been able to protect you. I failed. Please forgive me. This will never happen again, love, please, please believe me." I begged her, thinking of how frightened and alone she must've been facing that monster.

_Monster._

The word stopped me; my hand froze over her face. I stared down at her as my mind whirled. Was I really any different from him? Of course, I didn't hunt her or torture her, and try to murder her like he did. But I was still a monster, how often had I referred to myself as such? I was selfish; wanting Bella for myself, wanting her company, and letting her be in mortal danger all the while. Bringing her to my home; where just a small slip up could mean her life. I laid with her every night, kissing her, holding her; when in reality I could kill her instantly in a momentary lapse of self-control. How many times had I almost done just that? Too many times; in Biology that first day, in her room as she slept, in the meadow when I frightened her, in the forest when I kissed her…today.

Today was the very closest I'd been to killing her. I bit her, I drank from her; I lusted for her greedily. I almost didn't stop, I didn't _want_ to. My hand recoiled and I jumped up from her bed, slamming myself against the far wall.

How could I ever reconcile these two parts of myself? I wanted to be human, be safe for her, but I was not; instead being a cursed demon held at bay by my will alone. What if that wasn't enough? How could I keep endangering her that way? My chest rose and fell violently with labored breath. I thought of my promise; when I begged God to let her live. I swore I would do whatever was needed to keep her safe. Could I? Even if it meant doing the most painful thing in the world that I could imagine. Would I keep her safe at all costs to me?

I felt the strength drain from me and I slumped down on the floor. I rubbed my temples anxiously.

"I just talked to them. Renee is catching the next flight. Charlie—."

The voice stopped in the doorway. I looked up to see Alice and Carlisle. She eyed me worriedly. Carlisle moved quickly to Bella's side, checking her vitals.

"We need to keep her sedated for at least another day." He spoke mostly to himself.

"Edward, she's going to need you to be strong for her. She will wake up on Friday." Alice smiled grimly. "And by the way, we needed a good story for this one. I will fill you in on what I told Charlie." She paused, struggling internally, before continuing. "Then I you need to show you something."

Her last words and the black edge that tainted them made my fists tighten instinctively.

This was not the distraction from my thoughts that I so desperately wanted.

I left Bella's side, only after many assurances from Carlisle that he'd stay, to follow Alice to a small waiting room at the end of the hall. It was empty except for a lone television. Attached by a black wire was a video camera. Alice spoke quickly.

"Jasper noticed the camera at the studio, after Bella had mumbled something about it. Remember? Apparently James wanted us to find it. I haven't seen it, but I'm pretty sure we both understand what's on it. I don't know if you really want to see it but I wanted you to kn—."

"Play it." I hissed, my jaw clenching in fury.

Alice said nothing else as she closed the solid door and turned the camera on. Immediately displayed across the screen was Bella's beautiful face, a mirror glinted behind her. My heart sank as I looked at her.

James' voice came from behind the lens.

"Sorry about that, Bella, but isn't it better that your mother didn't really have to be involved in all this?" His tone was unnervingly polite.

The emotions on her face faded from shock to relief. The utter calm that seemed to come over her threw me off. James seemed equally surprised as he questioned her; asking if I would avenge her. He seemed eager for it as he spoke. It was hideous to watch him explain his plan and how he tricked her, how Victoria had helped him track her. I gritted my teeth as he pontificated on his skills, how he outsmarted all of us, and how easy it turned out to be to get her alone. I had a sinking feeling the video was meant for me; to prove he trumped me when I found my Bella dead. That was his plan all along.

As he neared the end of his speech, Bella's expression began to falter. She knew; she knew the end was close. I grabbed the back of the chair in the waiting room. I didn't want to watch, but I couldn't look away.

"Would you mind, very much, if I left a little letter of my own for your Edward?" He goaded her. The camera shifted slightly as he adjusted the setting. The screen widened so now the whole back wall of mirrors showed.

Bella's eyes were fraught with terror when she saw the camera. My hands tightened against the chair as he confirmed my suspicions. This video was for me, he wanted me to hunt him when I found it…found her. It wasn't enough for him to murder her, he wanted me, too. My heart broke as it all registered in her mind, her eyes widening.

"I would just like to rub it in, just a little bit. The answer was there all along, and I was so afraid Edward would see that and ruin my fun. It happened once, oh, ages ago. The one and only time my prey escaped me." He paused.

My brow knotted in confusion. Alice stood motionless next to me.

"You see, the vampire who was so stupidly fond of this little victim made the choice that your Edward was too weak to make. When the old one knew I was after his little friend, he stole her from the asylum where he worked—I _never_ will understand the obsession some vampires seem to form with you humans—and as soon as he freed her he made her safe. She didn't even seem to notice the pain, poor little creature. She'd been stuck in that black hole of a cell for so long. A hundred years earlier and she would have been burned at the stake for her visions…"

Alice gasped. _No! Oh my god…_

My eyes went wide. Her thoughts were as sporadic as mine. Her small frame shook as James continued on about her life, her creator that he killed in retribution, and that she was the one victim who'd ever escaped him.

I was momentarily stunned by that revelation, until I watched him move toward Bella on the screen. Every fiber of me screamed silently as he reached out, took a piece of her hair in his fingers and smelled it before reaching up to stroke her throat and cheek.

I cursed under my breath, livid. The chair beneath my hands groaned, and started to crack.

James circled her slowly, like a lion going in for the kill. I'd seen that stance before, a thousand times over. I _was_ that. He started crouching down low into an attack position.

Even though I knew what the outcome was and Bella was just a few rooms down, sleeping safely, I couldn't help my reaction.

"No…Please!" I begged.

I was about to see the pain she had endured, when I was helpless to stop it.

Bella tried to run but he rounded on her, immediately punching her chest. I tore the chair down the middle as she slammed back into the mirrors. They exploded around her like razor-edged fireworks. The sound was deafening for a second before she slumped over. Then it was silent, save the sound of the glass crunching under his shoes as he walked slowly to her.

"That's a very nice effect. I thought this room would be visually dramatic for my little film. That's why I picked this place to meet you. It's perfect, isn't it?" His friendly tone only served to make me sicker; he was enjoying her pain, and the suffering he knew he would cause me.

Bella's small form started to crawl feebly away from his advance. My body started to shake with rage. He was over her again instantly. With almost invisible speed he stomped down on her leg, snapping it with ease.

Bella's agonized scream filled the little room where we stood. I dropped my head at the sound, squeezing my eyes shut as a wave of pain reared up and crashed over me, crippling me. The two halves of the chair molded into angry clumps under my fingers as I tried to hold myself up. I wished now more than ever I could forget easily; that my memory wasn't so vivid and flawless.

But there was something I wanted even more. I wanted to go back, to tear him apart, slowly…painfully. I would relish every scream, every breath he spent begging me for mercy. I glared back at the screen, at him.

"Would you like to rethink your last request?" James taunted her, smiling. He lifted his foot slowly, nudging her broken leg.

The wall was next; I rounded on it, slamming my fist through it as Bella's cries pierced me through and through. The fury was stronger than the pain again.

"Wouldn't you rather have Edward try to find me?"

"No! No, Edward, don't—." Bella's voice sounded pitifully weak as she spoke to me. She didn't get to finish; James had thrown her back against the mirrors again. This time, they cut into her head. The blood started pouring down her face.

My stomach rolled at the sight of it. I knew he wouldn't last much longer now. Bella's eyes closed. James crouched down in front of her. I saw him roughly grab her hand and pull it up to his mouth…

I grabbed the camera, tearing it from the wires. I gave Alice one glance; not so much asking as telling, and smashed the silver device between my two hands. I growled as I pulverized the machine and the horror-filled disc it contained. After a moment, I opened my palms and let the silvery dust float to the floor at my feet. Alice left wordlessly; she had her own demons to confront.

I tuned everything out; sounds and thoughts, as I fought to calm myself. The worst thing was that I knew, beyond a doubt, that even this was not the darkness that threatened me. It still loomed overhead, waiting. It was inevitable.

Thankfully though, I'd finally regulated my breathing again, my hands had slowly uncurled from the near permanent angry fists they'd made. I stacked the chairs, one on the other, hiding the destroyed one underneath. I moved a First Aid poster so it hung over the hole in the wall. I sighed as I kicked the gray dirt that was the camcorder around the floor until it just looked like the janitor had missed the room entirely.

I walked slowly down the hall back to Bella's room. And there I sat, waiting patiently for her to awake.


	27. Chapter 27

Bella's eyes fluttered open right on time. I laid my head gently on the pillow beside her. A soft moan escaped her lips as she grappled weakly with the tubes at her face. I smiled; it was easier to be calm now that she had awoken, stubborn as always, of course.

"No, you don't." I whispered as I took her good hand in mine.

She turned. "Edward?"

I stayed silent, letting her take in her surroundings. I had gone too long without seeing her eyes and I relished the sight of them; deep and warm as they took me in. I expected the warmth to shatter when the memory of the last few days hit her. But instead she surprised me.

"Oh, Edward, I'm so sorry!"

The elated tone of her voice didn't match the repentant words she spoke. Neither made sense to me because it was me who should've been sorry. And I was; sorrier than I could bear. She had no reason to feel bad; none of this was her fault. The blame should rest on me; I brought her into this situation and I should've known better. I would have to fix it somehow.

"Shhhh. Everything's all right now." I assured her but I my stomach was in knots.

"What happened?"

I didn't want to say it but my overwhelming grief from that day betrayed me.

"I was almost too late. I could have been too late." I whispered, pained.

_He tortured you and I wasn't there to stop him. Even worse, I nearly killed you…I wanted to…I almost didn't stop Bella!_

Her eyes caught the misery in mine. "I was so stupid, Edward. I thought he had my mom."

"He tricked us all." I would not permit her to take the blame.

"I need to call Charlie and my mom." Her voice suddenly anxious.

I explained that Alice took care of it and her mother was already here. She tried to sit up and I gently pushed her back. The last thing she needed was to stress her body further.

"She'll be back soon. And you need to stay still." I insisted.

"But what did you tell her? Why did you tell her I'm here?"

"You fell down two flights of stairs and through a window." I paused and tried to smile. "You have to admit, it could happen."

She sighed and winced. I cringed at her pain.

"How bad am I?"

I visualized Carlisle writing in his chart as I spoke. "You have a broken leg, four broken ribs, some cracks in your skull, bruises covering every inch of your skin, and you've lost a lot of blood." I fought to keep the fury from my voice; every injury I listed now had a visual attached to it. "They gave you a few transfusions. I didn't like it—it made you smell all wrong for a while." I smiled tightly.

"That must have been a nice change for you." She joked.

_You are so absurd._ "No, I like how _you_ smell."

"How did you do it?" She asked softly.

My eyes snapped up to hers for a second as I thought of those moments, forever burned in my perfect memory. I looked away from her intense gaze, focusing instead on her bandaged hand, the one injury Carlisle left off her medical record.

"I'm not sure." I stopped; not wanting to continue. Very gently, I picked up her hand. When I spoke again, my voice was a mere whisper. "It was impossible…to stop. Impossible. But I did." Finally I looked at her again with a weak grin. "I _must_ love you."

"Don't I taste as good as I smell?" Bella joked.

"Even better—better than I'd imagined." I answered back seriously. Just remembering it made me thirsty.

"I'm sorry."

I rolled my eyes up in exasperation. "Of all the things to apologize for."

"What _should_ I apologize for?"

_For running into the waiting arms of a madman. For ditching Jasper and Alice. For not telling me first. For trying to be a selfless martyr…_I tried to breathe deeply before answering.

"For very nearly taking yourself away from me forever."

"I'm sorry." She frowned.

"I know why you did it. It was irrational, of course. You should have waited for me, you should have told me."

Of course I wouldn't have let her go and she knew it. She asked about James, I told her he was dead. My tone was sinister when she brought up the video, asking if I'd seen it. I knew she was only concerned with Alice but I still didn't want to be reminded. Bella must've seen the hatred in my face because she reached up to touch me, to comfort me, only to be stopped by her IV. She looked up and cringed at it. I teased her; there were so many other things that warranted fear…but an IV? She always surprised me. I explained to her the story we told her mom; that Carlisle, Alice and I came out to Phoenix to talk to her. On her way up to my hotel room she fell and the rest was history. In reality, of course, Alice had ran back to the hotel while we drove to the hospital. She really let loose at the scene of the "accident".

I reached out to touch her cheek lightly as I spoke. Instantly, all the machines around Bella's bed blared as her heartbeat spiked. I grinned.

"That's going to be embarrassing." She mumbled. I laughed; it felt good. So good in fact…

"Hmm, I wonder…" I trailed off as I leaned down to her face. The monitor screeched as I neared within an inch from her mouth. With extreme slowness and care, I kissed her lips.

The noise from the machine stopped altogether. Instantly, I pulled away as a spasm of fear shot through me. The beeping started up again. I sighed loudly in relief.

"It seems that I'm going to have to be even more careful with you than usual." I complained.

Bella frowned. "I was not finished kissing you." She whined. "Don't make me come over there."

I obeyed, happily, placing a quick kiss to her lips once more.

…_this is even worse than when she missed the top step of the stairs at Gran's. Poor thing couldn't wash her own hair for six weeks. I hope she's awake. Oh no…did I turn off the light in the bedroom before I left? Did they say room 214 or 241? I keep mixing that up…_

"I think I hear your mother." I smiled.

I pretended to sleep on the chair the whole time she was there. I tried not to listen, out of courtesy. But it was difficult when Bella would gasp in pain when she tried to move; my eyes would involuntarily snap open to check on her.

Renee described the home she and Phil got in Jacksonville and how much Bella would love it. Bella's heartbeat quickened as she went on. Did that mean she wanted to? Or she didn't? Not knowing made my head spin. My entire body went rigid at even the idea of Bella far away from me. The darkness moved slightly inward toward me, pooling at the corners of my mind. Because there was something horribly right in the words that Renee was saying. In the deepest part of me I knew it…

"Mom. I _want_ to live in Forks. I'm already settled in at school, and I have a couple of girlfriends." Bella paused and I could feel Renee's eyes on me. "And Charlie needs me. He's just all alone up there, and he can't cook _at all_."

"You want to stay in Forks?" I felt Renee's eyes again. _ I knew it. _"Why?"

"I told you—school, Charlie—ouch!" Bella gasped.

I forced myself to keep my eyes closed this time.

"Is it this boy?" _Let's get real, Bella. I wasn't born yesterday…_

It was deathly silent for a moment. I could sense Bella was deliberating in her mind.

"He's part of it. So, have you had a chance to talk with Edward?"

_There wasn't much else to do for the whole day you were asleep, dear. I could see it immediately in his eyes, all the love he has. I wanted talk to you about that…_

"Yes. And I want to talk to you about that."

"What about?" Bella's heartbeat fluttered but her voice was calm.

"I think that boy is in love with you." She whispered.

Renee's insightfulness amazed me. After her declaration, Bella conceded easily as to her feelings about me. No matter how many times Bella said it, it always thrilled me to no end that she cared for me too. Renee warned about her being young, taking it slow and being careful. She didn't know the double meaning her words really had.

"I can stay, baby, if you need me." Renee offered. _Those two chairs put together aren't so bad. I just don't know, with Edward with all her all day and night. It's too intense. "just a crush" she says-I don't buy it._

"No, Mom, I'll be fine. Edward will be with me." Bella assured her.

_Exactly my point. _"I'll be back tonight."

"I love you, Mom."

"I love you, too, Bella. Try to be more careful when you walk, honey, I don't want to lose you."

An image of Bella, maybe eleven or twelve years old, flickered through her mind. She wore sweatpants a Full House tee-shirt. Her left arm was completely shrouded in a bulky cast and her hair had definitely seen better days. Ah, probably the Gran's staircase incident. I couldn't help the smirk that played across my lips at that one. But I kept my eyes dutifully shut. A nurse came in and checked on Bella, making sure she was comfortable. Finally, they both left and I opened my eyes.

"How was your nap?" Bella asked.

"Interesting." I felt the darkness creep slowly in on me as soon as I saw her, all bandaged up and in pain.

"What?"

I studied the space between two linoleum tiles on the floor as I spoke.

"I'm surprised. I thought Florida…and your mother…well, I thought that's what you would want."

"But you'd be stuck inside all day in Florida. You'd only be able to come out at night, just like a real vampire." Confusion colored her tone.

I looked up at her, trying to smile but knew I wouldn't quite make it. This was it, the darkness starting to swirl. I knew what I had to do now. I just had to go through with it. It was the _only _way…

"I would stay in Forks, Bella. Or somewhere like it, someplace where I couldn't hurt you anymore." I made my voice strong despite the pounding ache in my heart, keeping in my mind it was for her own good.

Suddenly, Bella's heart was racing; the sound throbbed in my ears. She was hyperventilating, her breath coming in short gasps as emotions overtook her. It took all my strength not to run to her. I had to be strong now. She would understand why I would say this, right? I was the one putting her in harms way, everyday-every _second_. I couldn't do that to her forever. It was wrong, it was selfish. My heart was breaking as I looked at her. I couldn't win. Stay and risk her life or leave and hurt her.

A moment later the RN returned. She assumed all the fluttering machines were due to Bella's being in pain.

Well, physical pain.

But I knew the true reason. How would I ever be able to get her to understand that this wasn't what I wanted; it was what was needed, what was right…what I _promised_. As soon as the nurse was gone, I was at her side.

"Shhh, Bella, calm down."

"Don't leave me." She cried, devastation coloring her words.

My entire being hurt as I looked at her eyes. I had to calm her; her heart was still going much too fast.

"I won't. Now relax before I call the nurse back to sedate you."

My words did nothing to slow her heart. The sheer horror in her face almost broke my will entirely.

"Bella." I softly touched her face. "I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here as long as you need me." I worded it so I could still be true to my promise. She did need me around, right now at least, to make sure she was cared for and could recover.

"Do you swear you won't leave me?" Her voice was strained, her breathing a near wheeze from gasping so much. I noted grimly that she did not say 'ever'. Again I could answer without lying.

I took her face in my hands and looked into her eyes. "I swear." My throat burned on the words. She finally relaxed enough to lie back down.

"Why did you say that? Are you tired of having to save me all the time? Do you _want_ me to go away?" She whispered.

I shuddered at the despair in her voice. She didn't know how wrong she was. I was _nothing_ without her.

"No, I don't want to be without you, Bella, of course not. Be rational. And I have no problem with saving you, either—if it weren't for the fact that I was the one putting you in danger…that I'm the reason you're here." Maybe she'd understand now. I was trying to fight the overwhelming guilt that threatened to swallow me whole.

"Yes, you are the reason. The reason I'm here—_alive_."

"Barely." My voice a low, sad whisper. "Covered in gauze and plaster and hardly able to move." The guilt was crushing me now.

"I wasn't referring to my most recent near-death experience. I was thinking of the others—you can take your pick. If it weren't for you, I would be rotting away in Forks cemetery.

I cringed at her words but took no comfort in them as I continued.

"That's not the worst part, though. Not seeing you there on the floor…crumpled and broken." My voice cracked with emotion as I visualized it. "Not thinking I was too late. Not even hearing you scream in pain—all those unbearable memories that I'll carry with me for the rest of eternity. No, the very worst was feeling…knowing that I couldn't stop. Believing that I was going to kill you myself."

"But you didn't."

"I could have. So easily." As I spoke the words, the darkness snaked around my mind, blackening out everything else, pushing me to the inevitable truth I had to face. Bella was safer without me around. I _knew_ this…but could I bear to do it?

"Promise me." She begged.

"What?"

"You know what." She flushed with anger.

I didn't want to fight. I wished she'd stop being so difficult and just see the truth of the situation. There was no way around it, but I also knew what my treacherous heart desired…and it was her…always. It made doing the right thing almost impossible.

"I don't seem to be strong enough to stay away from you, so I suppose that you'll get your way…whether it kills you or not." I spat in frustration.

"Good." Bella's tone was not convinced, but placated. So she moved on. "You told me how you stopped…not I want to know why."

"Why?"

"Why you did it? Why didn't you just let the venom spread? By now I would be just like you."

Her words came out so matter-of-fact it stunned me. White hot anger blazed through me, not at her, but at the one person who obviously told Bella something she never should've known. Alice was going to pay for this. My eyes were hard with fury. I couldn't speak.

Something flashed in Bella's eyes at my reaction; she realized she slipped up. But she seemed to ignore all of and went on about us being equals; trying pathetically to convince me that her being a vampire was a _good_ thing. I fought to hold back my anger.

"You don't know what you're asking." I whispered.

"I think I do."

"Bella, you don't know. I've had almost ninety years to think about this, and I'm still not sure."

She tried in vain to change my mind but I would never do that to her, and I told her so. I offered her every reason it was a bad thing. The pain: she tried to shrug it off. I wasn't fooled. I mentioned her parents and that was harder for her to disregard. We went on back and forth, neither of us compromising our stands.

Finally I'd had enough. "Bella, we're not having this discussion anymore. I refuse to damn you to an eternity of night and that's the end of it."

She actually had the gall to tell me that Alice could change her but the glare I gave her seemed to quiet that theory.

"Alice already saw it, didn't she? That's why the things she says upset you. She knows I'm going to be like you…someday."

"She's wrong. She also saw you dead, but that didn't happen either." I argued, annoyed to no end by her tenacity.

"You'll never catch _me_ betting against Alice." Bella smugly had the last line.

We stared at each other for a long minute until I couldn't take the tension between us any longer. I softened my features and spoke, more calmly this time, as I decided we needed to agree to disagree. An 'impasse' I called it. All of the arguing was bad for her. I could see the discomfort she was in; it showed plain as day in her eyes. I pushed the button on her bed for the nurse, Bella protesting the entire time.

"Bella, you're in pain. You need to relax so you can heal. Why are you being so difficult? They're not going to put any more needles in you now." I pleaded with her.

"I'm not afraid of needles. I'm afraid to close my eyes."

The words stabbed me. I held her face close to mine again, speaking earnestly. "I told you I'm not going anywhere. Don't be afraid. As long as it makes you happy, I'll be here."

"You're talking about forever, you know."

I knew she wanted me to say it; I could not.

"Oh, you'll get over it—it's just a crush." I teased her with her own words. I hoped it would distract her.

It did, but only for a moment, and she persisted until the nurse came in and administered the morphine. She'd be out in minutes. I went back to her side when the nurse had left. Her entire body had already relaxed significantly. Thank goodness for drugs.

"Stay." Her words were sluggish.

"I will. Like I said, as long as it makes you happy…as long as it's what's best for you." But I knew, deep in my gut, it probably wasn't. It was only a matter of time something would happen…

I tried not to think about it; I wasn't sure if I could endure leaving her.

" 'S not the same thing." She argued listlessly.

I laughed and told her sleep. She finally agreed. I sighed softly and leaned down to her ear.

"I love you." I breathed.

"Me, too." Her eyes were closed already.

"I know." I chuckled lightly.

Bella began to search for my lips, her breathtaking face only centimeters from mine. She angled her head, eyes still closed, and her warm lips grazed my cheek so lightly she didn't even notice. I did. I shivered in pleasure and touched my lips to hers, granting her wish.

"Thanks." She sighed, content.

"Anytime." I whispered as I laid down next to her.

"Edward?" She spoke so softly I nearly missed it. I lifted my head, supporting it on my palm.

"Yes?"

"I'm betting on Alice." She mumbled.

_Sleep, love._

I sighed and stretched my arm across Bella's stomach, holding her to me. With my head on her pillow, I closed my eyes and hummed her lullaby until her breathing slowed and she slipped into a peaceful slumber.


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: Well, here it is...the last chapter :( I can't believe it. I really hope you all enjoyed it. Thanks for reading and please review and let me know what you thought! Thank you! **

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It had been a long five weeks, even to me, since the nightmare in Phoenix. Two and a half weeks were spent there as Bella recovered enough to leave the hospital. Back in Forks, the next few were spent making up a lot of missed school work. I was happy though, since Bella needed someone to tutor her. Why not me, the eternal student? It gave me a very good excuse to stay with her. I could ignore my other concerns as long as she benefited from my being around.

We hadn't talked about the argument we had at the hospital that day. It was something we both wanted to push quietly to the side—too painful to keep rehashing. I was far too selfish to go through with my promise to leave her. I knew the only way I would actually do it was if there was a direct threat her safety. The catch was that that threat was me, but at the moment I was far too weak to let her go. Besides that, since that day when I drank from her, I had been much more in control. I wasn't sure if it was the fear of returning to that moment, the one where I thought I wouldn't stop and she would die-or guilt, but I hadn't been so in control of myself around her, ever. The darkness in my mind was held at bay for now, not pressing in on me as intensely.

With all that we'd been through, I decided it was time that we both had some fun. Tonight was a long needed escape, a surprise for my Bella. I had a feeling she wouldn't be completely thrilled but she'd warm up to it. I rationalized that fact that I was still sticking around by making absolutely sure that she would experience all things human, life at its most normal. She'd miss nothing if I had anything to do with it.

So tonight I was talking Bella to prom.

Alice had kidnapped Bella so she could dress her up and do whatever it is she insisted was necessary. In all honesty, Bella could wear her holey tee-shirt and sweatpants and I'd still be floored. Secretly, though, I was _slightly _excited to see what Alice could whip up. I waited patiently; spending most of the day out with Jasper, hunting. I eventually returned home, careful to avoid Alice's wing of the hallway; she'd burn me alive if I tried to sneak in the room or look inside her head.

I showered and changed into my tux. Alice had made all the men in the house get custom-made Italian tuxedos; it was stipulation for Rose and Emmett's last wedding ceremony. The money they cost was worth it; our sizes never changed.

I walked downstairs and rummaged around the kitchen. That's where Esme found me a few minutes later.

"Iputthe flowers in the fridge. They stay fresh that way." She offered. _You look dashing._

"Thank you, mom." I grinned, grabbing the freesia from the otherwise empty fridge. She kissed me on the cheek and went upstairs.

Carlisle and Esme were in their room. Emmett and Rose were waiting in the BMW with Jasper. They'd snuck out without Bella seeing anything; I wanted to keep everything a secret for as long as possible. Bella and I were going to drive in my special occasion car, of course. The Vanquish was sadly underused these days.

I heard something by the stairs and looked up eagerly, only to see Alice come down; stopping an inch from me.

"You _will_ be thanking me later." She winked and was off, careful to block her thoughts as she walked out the door. I heard Emmett's booming laughter as they peeled out down the driveway. I wondered what was so amusing…

Instantly, I was distracted by a flicker of movement at the top of the staircase. My eyes traveled up until they finally rested on Bella and I gasped. I couldn't look away.

Stunning, exquisite, striking, beautiful…all the words that scrolled through my head didn't fit.

There were no words.

Bella wore a dress of deep blue; it hugged every line of her body; her alluring hips and her narrow waist. The small sleeves dangled sensuously off her smooth shoulders. The neckline was low, exposing the creamy, perfect skin of her neck and collarbone and her _other_ feminine curves.

I reached up involuntarily to my heart; I swear I felt it beat when she smiled down at me.

At first, when my family said that they would all be out of room, to give us privacy when Bella came downstairs, I protested. It didn't feel as traditional. But now I could've kissed them all. I was incredibly happy that they gave us this private moment together. I couldn't get past her beauty as she walked, carefully, down the steps. Her one leg was still in the cast but the other was encased the single most seductive shoe I'd ever seen. The heel was at least four inches high and a delicate ribbon secured it to her ankle.

When she got to where I was standing, frozen in awe at the bottom of the steps, she hugged me; in obvious relief she didn't fall on the way down.

I hugged her tightly, tilting my face into her neck. I inhaled deeply and moaned; somehow her scent was even sweeter tonight. She pulled back, blushing. I saw that Alice had done her makeup as well. She looked like my Bella, completely natural, but just enhanced. Her full lips glistened, tempting me. Her eyes had always popped with her dark lashes, but now each lash had definition as they framed her deep, expressive eyes. There was a faint shimmer along her lids, making the brown of her eyes sparkle even more. I could've stood there all night and stared into them. I leaned down to her ear.

"You are absolutely breathtaking." I whispered, kissing the skin just under her ear. She shivered and I gently tucked the flowers into the soft curls of her hair.

Bella pulled back slightly to look at me. I watched her eyes as she silently she took me in. They widened a bit and her succulent lips turned up to a smile when she met my gaze.

"You look…amazing." Her voice was breathless. She moved forward, back into my arms.

We stood, only inches from each other, completely lost in the moment. If we didn't go now, I wasn't sure we would make it to prom; the electricity in the air wrapped around us, pulling us closer…

"_I've been really tryin', baby, tryin' to hold back this feeling for so long…"_

We both jumped apart at the sound of a song as it blared from the stereo.

"_And if you feel like I feel, baby… then…C'mon…oh…C'mon…"_

Bella's face turned seven shades of red as she started to recognize the song. In a flash, I was over to where the stereo should've been, frantically looking for it before the next lines played.

"_Let's get it on…"_

"_Ah, baby…let's get it on…"_

Unfortunately, _someone_ had hidden the stereo. It only took me a few seconds to follow the cord. It was, interestingly enough, attached to a timer-but it was too late; Bella was nearly violet. I yanked the plug out of wall. The silence was deafening after the song cut off.

I was still holding the end of the cord as I turned to look at her. After a very long moment, we both burst out laughing. Mine was just a bit louder; the clock on the wall by the door vibrated with the sound. I had to admit; it was a good joke. And it got us out of the house on time…and still decent.

We were still laughing as we left the house. I sped down the driveway and onto the open road. There was nothing like an Aston Martin. Thanks to Rosalie's special "tune-up" last year, it was not quitestreet legal, but certainly much more fun. I grinned as it purred under my feet.

Bella had been quiet for while; she didn't like surprises.

"At what point are you going to tell me what's going on?" She finally spoke, sounding rather disgruntled.

"I'm shocked that you haven't figured it out yet." I smiled, teasing her.

"I did mention that you looked very nice, didn't I?" She changed the subject.

"Yes." I grinned again.

"I'm not coming over anymore if Alice is going to treat me like Guinea Pig Barbie when I do." She whined, pouting. I stared shamelessly at her lips and nearly swerved off the road. Damn Alice; who knew lipstick could be so ridiculously distracting?

I was still throwing sideways glances at Bella's profile-all of it-and truly appreciating the view when my phone rang. Rather annoyed at the distraction, I glanced at the caller ID.

_Charlie Swan. _

I felt a twinge of guilt at my previous train of thought as I answered.

"Hello, Charlie."

"Edward." Charlie's voice was gruff.

I was used to his replies now; they were on the minimalist side. His thoughts of course…well, they could be rather colorful.

"Listen. I'm not sure what's going on, but the Crowley boy is here at the house…he's all done up for the dance, I guess. _Unless he usually dresses like that…huh. _Well, anyway, he says he's taking Bella to prom. Something about her saying yes a while back at school?"

"You're kidding!" I couldn't contain myself. I laughed.

"What is it?" Bella insisted. I ignored her as Charlie continued.

"What do I tell this kid? He wants to talk to Bella."_ I want to watch the game…he's got to go._

"Why don't you let me talk to him?" I asked politely. This was going to be very enjoyable, for me at least. I'd had it with these boys and their delusions. Bella and I were together, as long as she wanted me, and I was looking forward to putting and end to them sniffing around her.

I waited patiently as I heard Charlie call him over to the phone.

"Hello?" Tyler's voice was eager.

"Hello, Tyler, this is Edward Cullen." There was a groan on the other end. "I'm sorry if there's been some kind of miscommunication but Bella is unavailable tonight."

"Listen Cullen, she said—." Tyler tried to argue but I smoothly cut him off, my voice darkening just a bit.

"To be perfectly honest, she'll be unavailable every night, as far as anyone besides myself is concerned. No offense." _Yes offense. _"And I'm sorry about your evening."

I snapped the phone shut. I turned to Bella, grinning. Bella's whole front flushed bright red and she turned to me with tears in her eyes.

I backpedaled quickly, confused by the anger in her face. "Was that last part a bit too much? I didn't mean to offend you."

"You're taking me to _prom_!" She screamed.

Her reaction stunned me momentarily; was it _that_ horrible of a surprise? I turned to her, annoyed.

"Don't be difficult, Bella."

"Why are you doing this to me?"

Was she that unobservant? Did she really not know? _I was in a tuxedo for crying out loud! _

"Honestly, Bella, what did you think we were doing?" I asked, dumbfounded.

Then she started to cry.

_What?_

I knew she'd be annoyed, but crying? Was the prom really that hideous? I _knew_ I could make it enjoyable for her. Alice saw us and she swore Bella would like it. But maybe something changed because right now, Bella was sniffling and trying to wipe her tears. I didn't understand her sometimes-actually most of the time. Damn her silent mind!

"This is completely ridiculous. Why are you crying?" I couldn't hide the frustration in my voice.

"Because I'm _mad_!" She yelled again.

We were nearing the school now and this was getting out of hand.

"Bella." I looked down into her eyes intently. She caught my gaze. I heard her heartbeat pick up.

"What?"

"Humor me." I breathed. Her heart fluttered again.

"Fine." She pushed her bottom lip out for the second time tonight, throwing off my thoughts temporarily. "I'll go quietly. But you'll see. I'm way overdue for more bad luck. I'll probably break my other leg. Look at this shoe! It's a deathtrap!"

'Deathtrap' was hardly the word I thought of when she pushed her good leg up and out towards me; the flowing fabric of her dress slid ever so slightly up her thigh. She turned her foot, showing off the stiletto attached to it.

"Hmmm." I took in the sight of her and considered going straight back home. "Remind me to thank Alice for that tonight." I murmured as I forced myself to drive in a straight line.

Bella relaxed slightly when she heard my family was going too. I pulled into the lot and parked next to Rose's convertible. I opened Bella's door to find that she was sitting, arms crossed, stubbornly in the seat.

I sighed softly. "When someone wants to kill you, you're brave as a lion—and then someone mentions dancing…"

She looked horrified now.

"Bella, I won't let anything hurt you—not even yourself. I won't let go of you once, I promise."

She seemed to warm up to that and I finally got her out of the car and into the gym. Once we were settled I led her to the dance floor. I could see the panic in her big eyes.

"Edward. I _honestly_ can't dance!" Her voice was a nervous whimper. Somehow, in her utter lack of confidence, she was even more appealing to me. I loved that I could care for her and be strong for her.

"Don't worry, silly. I _can_." I spoke softly in her ear as I slid my feet under hers and pulled her arms around me.

I barely felt her weight as I twirled her around the dance floor. After a few minutes she was laughing, her voice full of joy.

"I feel like I'm five years old."

I looked down at her. "You don't look five." I whispered seductively as I pulled her body closer to mine. It felt so good having her there, feeling her warmth, I was in heaven…

_I can't believe my dad is making me do this. Warning Bella about some stupid legends… she's gonna think I'm crazy…or she's gonna hate me…_

My head snapped up at the sound of the familiar voice.

I felt my eyes narrow into slits as I watched Jacob Black walking across the dance floor, headed straight for us.

_Wow…she looks really hot. Maybe I would've done this for free..._

I growled.

"Be_have_!" Bella warned.

"He wants to chat with you." I ignored her reprimand.

Jacob was at our side now. I didn't look at him; he was here for Bella anyway.

"Hey, Bella. I was hoping you would be here." _Not really; this is way too embarrassing…_

"Hi, Jacob. What's up?" Bella smiled at him.

"Can I cut in?" Jacob turned to me. I finally looked to him, keeping my face empty of emotion so as to hide my utter disdain for him and his interruption; I didn't want to upset Bella. I stepped back to give him her hand.

"Thanks." _Gosh he's creepy…_

I walked over the side wall. I ignored his voice, trying to be polite, until I saw that both of his hands were on her waist, not one on her back and one in her hand like a gentleman should do. I struggled with myself; knowing it would _not_ be appropriate to walk back over there and remove them for him.

"Can you believe my dad paid me twenty bucks to come to your prom?"

"Yes, I can. Well, I hope you're enjoying yourself, at least. Seen anything you like?"

My jaw almost dropped. Could she be making it any easier for him?

_Yeah…she's right here in my arms…_ "Yeah, but she's taken." He admitted. A low growl rumbled in my chest.

"You look really pretty, by the way." His voice was shy.

I almost gagged; pretty? _Pretty_? Was he blind? Ravishing. Sublime. Perfect. Glorious. At least those words were _almost_ close to how she looked. Jacob's lack of proper vocabulary, and the fact that he couldn't seem to stop himself from hitting on my girlfriend, left me fuming. I looked around for something I could snap in half inconspicuously.

"Hey bro! Did you like the mood music I left for you?" I heard Emmett's laughter behind me.

I turned to him, glaring venomously.

"Yeah…Alice helped me with the timing but the rest was all me." He grinned widely. I wanted to knock his teeth out; this wasn't the best time for gloating. "I thought maybe it would help get things going, ya know? Get the ol' juices flowing…it always works for Rose…." He trailed off, his mind filling with images I had to instantly ignore or wind up being scarred for life.

I walked over to him, gripping his arm like a vice. "Emmett McCarty Cullen, don't let me forget to break this later when I get home!" I hissed.

He bellowed. "Sure bro, you can always try." He walked off, still laughing.

I rolled my eyes and focused back on Bella.

"Tell me, then. I want you to get your car finished." Bella encouraged him.

"Don't get mad, okay?" Jacob looked down. _I can't believe I'm doing this for a master cylinder…_

"There's no way I'll be mad at you, Jacob. I won't even be mad at Billy. Just say what you have to."

"Well—this is so stupid, I'm sorry, Bella—he wants you to break up with your boyfriend. He asked me to tell you 'please'." _Not that it would be so bad if you weren't with him…you could spend more time with old friends…_

I groaned. _Stupid, delusional boy! _

"He's still superstitious, eh?" She prodded. I wished she would tell him to go away. Then I would have an excuse to break it up. Unfortunately, he continued on about how Billy thought I had something to do with Bella getting hurt in Phoenix. Bella defended me and my family. I almost wished she didn't; it brought back the guilt.

I fought back the darkness that threatened to encroach. This was supposed to be a pleasant evening. I refused to let this dampen it. When I listened again it sounded like he was finally winding up.

"We'll be watching." Jacob made quotation marks with his fingers, extremely uncomfortable with his father's message.

All of the sudden, Bella laughed. "Sorry you had to do this, Jake."

"I don't mind _that_ much." _Not when you're wearing that..._

My jaw clenched. I started to make my way over, hopefully before Jacob Black decided to propose.

"Do you want to dance again? Or can I help you get somewhere?"

"That's all right, Jacob. I'll take it from here." I answered from right beside him. He whirled around, completely stunned.

_Jeez! He's like ghost…scared the hell out of me. _"Hey, I didn't see you there. I guess I'll see you around, Bella."

"Yeah, I'll see you later." Bella smiled.

"Sorry." He added again before walking out.

I held Bella close as we danced.

"Feeling better?" She grinned.

"Not really." I admitted.

She assumed it was Billy I was upset with. I told her it was his son that really got me annoyed. For one thing, he made me go back on my word that I wouldn't let Bella out of my arms tonight and secondly…

"He called you pretty." I grimaced at his lack of appreciation. "That's practically an insult, the way you look right now. You're so much more than beautiful."

She laughed at me. "You might be a little biased."

"I don't think that's it. Besides, I have excellent eyesight." I joked.

We danced for a few minutes; effortlessly, happily.

"So are you going to explain the reason for all this?" Bella asked.

My brow furrowed as I considered what to say. I gently walked Bella through the crowd, across the hall and outside. Once we were outside, I picked her up and carried her silently to a bench at the far end of the field.

I held her on my lap. I didn't speak yet; trying to hold out at long as possible before I broached the subject of Bella's mortality. I really didn't want to explain myself; not wanting a repeat of our disagreement five weeks ago.

Bella lifted her head from my chest. "The point?" Her voice was soft.

I looked up at the moon as its soft glow chased the last of daylight from the sky.

"Twilight again. Another ending. No matter how perfect the day is, it always has to end." I breathed.

"Some things don't have to end." Bella grumbled. I knew instantly her insinuation.

I sighed; it was bound to come up sooner or later. When I spoke, my voice was gentle.

"I brought you to prom because I don't want you to miss anything. I don't want my presence to take anything away from you, if I can help it. I want you to be _human._ I want your life to continue as it would have if I'd died in nineteen-eighteen like I should have."

She shivered a little but started to shake her head in defiance. I sensed the argument coming.

"In what strange parallel dimension would I _ever_ have gone to prom of my own free will? If you weren't a thousand times stronger than me, I would never have let you get away with this."

"It wasn't so bad, you said so yourself." I argued. I thought of her initial reaction. I still couldn't believe she was that surprised by it… "Will you tell me something?" I asked after a moment.

"Don't I always?"

"Just promise you'll tell me."

"Fine."

"You honestly seemed surprised when you figured out that I was taking you here—."

"I was." She interrupted me.

"…Exactly," I continued. "But you must have had some other theory…I'm curious—what did you think I was dressing you up for?"

I felt her warmth as she blushed, wondering if it was embarrassment that she felt.

"I don't want to tell you."

"You promised." I wished I could've lifted the words from her mind.

"I know." She stalled so I pushed again.

"I think it will make you mad—or sad." She explained.

I pondered that. Maybe I didn't want to know. No, I always wanted to know what she thought; good or bad. "I still want to know, please?"

"Well…I assumed it was some kind of…occasion. But I didn't think it would be some trite human thing…prom!" Annoyance flooded her tone as she looked at me.

_Human?_ "Human?" I asked. My eyes narrowed; I didn't like where she was headed.

"Okay. So I was hoping that you might have changed your mind…that you were going to change _me_, after all." She finished in a huff.

I fought the sudden urge to be angry, but she probably saw it anyway. Why did she want something so dreadful? She didn't understand what she asked of me. I wouldn't kill her, deprive her; steal her soul. The pain it caused me to even think of it was unbearable. After a moment, though, I pushed those thoughts away; smoothing my features so I could smile. I wouldn't let this tarnish our evening together.

"You thought that would be a black tie occasion, did you?" I teased, smiling.

"I don't know how these things work. To me, at least, it seems more rational than prom does." She looked up at my face. I was still grinning. She grimaced. "It's not funny."

"No, you're right, it's not." I conceded, my smile waning. "I'd rather treat it like a joke, though, than believe you're serious."

"But I am serious."

My chest heaved in a sigh as all the humor left me. "I know. And you're really that willing?" I would never understand. "So ready for this to be the end, for this to be the twilight of your life, though your life has barely started. You're ready to give up everything." I murmured to myself aloud. It hurt me to think of what Bella would've been if I'd left her alone. She could've had a long, normal, healthy…_life_. It was wrong to want her to be mine, spending her time in danger, always on the edge.

"It's not the end, it's the beginning." She mumbled.

"I'm not worth it."

"Do you remember when you told me that I didn't see myself very clearly?" I nodded. "You obviously have the same problem."

"I know what I am."

We were both silent. The slight tension between us slowly weakened…just like it had at the hospital. She would never be able to understand why I refused, and I couldn't comprehend her rush to give everything up. I wondered momentarily how determined she was? She was young still, inexperienced. How absolute could her will possibly be? Humans could be rather fickle…

"You're ready now, then?" My tone was serious. I wanted to try something.

"Um. Yes?"

She swallowed hard as I lowered my face down to her throat, placing my mouth just under her jaw. Below her soft skin, her blood pulsed under my lips. I smiled, letting myself linger there much longer than necessary.

"Right now?" I whispered. Her body trembled. The movement was rather intoxicating.

"Yes." She whimpered softly, but her body was rigid. I could sense she was frightened but she was a determined little thing.

I laughed darkly. "You can't really believe that I would give in so easily."

"A girl can dream." Her tone was dry.

"Is that what you dream about? Being a monster?" My voice was harder.

"Not exactly. Mostly I dream about being with you forever." She whispered.

The longing in her tone cut through me. I reached out, sliding my fingertips over her full lips.

"Bella. I _will _stay with you—isn't that enough?"

She smiled against my fingers. "Enough for now."

My face fell at her words. She was _the_ single most stubborn person I'd ever met-besides myself. Neither of us would give in. I sighed again, a mixture of frustration and anger.

Bella reached out to stroke my cheek. "Look. I love you more than everything else in the world combined. Isn't that enough?"

"Yes, it is enough. Enough for forever."

With that, I pulled her tightly to my chest and lowered my mouth to her neck once more kissing her in the moonlit darkness.


	29. Chapter 29

**I just wanted to take moment and make this update all about you. 'You' being all of my fabulous readers and reviewers out there…**

**There were many times that I wanted to stop and almost did, for good; either I felt like I'd hit a wall or something crazy happened in my personal life. But your support and reviews, whether they were kind, funny, or constructively critical, kept me going. I know it sounds cliché but it's 100% true! **

**So…here goes…This is gonna be long….**

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